BeaucoupKevin(dot)com. BlogMachineGo.

"Hey, Jabberjaw! Shut the fuck up!"

Arcane cartoon references rule.

Upsell, you fucking fucks!

Hi, Courtney.

"What? You don't like the unfrosted side of the biscuit?"

Today stinks.

Already.

No particular reason, mind.

It just does.

Murder is the case that they'll give me.

I gotta say, today ain't a good day.

I did some sort of test on a new spiel telling people about one of our partner companies today. It made me feel like an asshole, but hey...

Loud Bruce fails to perceive how utterly annoying he is. His voice strikes at my cerebral cortex like a deranged Sharon Stone, wielding an icepick. His pauses in the middle of statements and his tone that reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer talking to a particularly succulent schoolboy drive me mad. He attempts to engage me in conversation about movies, comics, books, and I just respond with "Yes, Bruce" and "That's nice, Bruce" and he doesn't get the hint. Friends of mine suspect I've made him up. I only wish this were true.

Smelly-person-whose-name-I-don't-remember is here. She smells of perfume that must be made from curry powder and very fragrant sweet herbs.

Argh.

Passing notes is the new Instant Messaging.

Once again, Amanda is under her desk. This time she's declaring she's found a quarter.

I worry about that girl.

So, Chris is disappointed. Why's Young Chris not happy? Because the morning meeting they have on Mondays was bumped back a day. See, us customer care grunts are never invited to this all-hands meeting because we have to answer the phones for our customers. I can understand that, but stuff goes on during these meetings that we have to hear about second-hand through the "Daily News" (a Word document management set up for us to look at and be told what to do) and it gets frustrating. Sending a few people from the department to the meeting is a bold new step in informing us of what's going on. At least, I'm sure they thought of it that way. It's also Monday. That's another reason Our Pal Chris is not happy.

Visiting friends at work and borrowing their connection is much more fun than using the connection at work.
Because I'm not working.

I loathe the Foosball table. Tried to relax for a couple of minutes at break while listening to Round About Midnight by Miles Davis. I closed my eyes, leaned back on the couch, and chilled until the moment the horns come back with that "Ba-BAAA-baa" bit and then I heard two chuckleheads start to banging with the table. I want to put it in the garage. Argh.

Fun Phone Tip:
Hitting the "Mute" button and saying "Tell it on the mountain, sister!" whenever a customer is venting at you is a great way to have free chuckles at work. Just make sure you keep that button down.

Why does proper spelling, capitalization, and punctuation elude our member base?

A "Screen Name" is not an email address.
A "Screen Name" is not an email address.
A "Screen Name" is not an email address.
A "Screen Name" is not an email address.

I don't know if this is the right department this needs to go to & frankly I don't care.But my husband is the one that is logged into this over something he was looking up while on my computer not his & using MY E-MAIL ADDRESS!Ever since then you have been sending stuff to MY COMPUTER & to MY ADDRESS!!!!!I WANT IT STOPPED NOW PLEASE!!!!!!!DO NOT SEND ANYTHING TO MY E-MAIL ADDRESS EVERAGAIN!!!!!!GOT IT!!!!! TAKE MY ADDRESS OFF YOUR LIST!!!!!!!!NOW!!!!!!! I appreciate your understanding in this matter & know you will direct this to the right department to stop this! Thank you for your time.

Good morning to you, too.

Now the phones appear to work just fine.

I liked it better before.

I just got a call!

Whoa.

Then the phones died again.

They brought cake to my desk.

It's like kindergarten with additional humilation.

Phones are still down.

They're doing a celebration thing for the millionth member at 2pm but Customer Care, aka The Ghetto Gang They Don't Like Much can not attend.

Fuck you, Marketing.

Phones go up. Phones go down. Phones go up. Phones go down.

I saw a movie like this once, but I shouldn't really discuss the subject matter here.

Neurotic Jennifer is here. She's not tried to engage me in any sort of intellectual discussion yet, thank God.

I'm writing up test materials for Krattin's training class. She says I have an intimate knowledge of the application. That sounds dirty.

The phones are not working. They have me doing third-party letters. As in "Kevin Seals Envelopes", which is just above septic tank scrubbing in my estimation.

Training. Training. Training.

And the woman whose name I can't remember smells again.

Loud Bruce was looking way too happy on his way to the bathroom earlier.

Lunch with the CEO took an hour and a half. Had to listen to everyone's boring life story. One person took 20 minutes to say that she was an art major from Smith who worked in marketing, fell in love with computers, worked on a Buddhist temple, and now works here.

I told them about me in three-four minutes. I left a lot out.

Moments ago, we hit 1,000,000 members. I'm on the phone with a customer, trying to tell them how very seriously we take the privacy and security of their information when Marketing comes in, blaring kazoos and banging cowbells screaming "One Million!" at the top of their lungs.

That was probably just the sort of somber note that really shows how much we care.

32 minutes until Lunch With CEO.

Erika (Erica? I don't know.) sidles up to my desk and says I'm having lunch with the CEO tomorrow from noon until one. There's going to be pizza provided, and we get to talk about the company. I'm quite sure there's going to be a group of us, so it's not like he'll remember me 10 minutes later. Hell, I don't think I know what he looks like.

(Large batch here - wrote while I was here and decided to Blog it.)

8:47 1/22/02
Tuesday morning. Nobody's too busy but still no frivolity. People from Mellon Bank are showing up today so our desks are all spotless. Amanda's banging away at an email (not sitting under her desk like yesterday) and Chris is talking to a customer on my left about contributions to customer accounts. Morning commute today was soundtracked by Freezepop and Mouse On Mars, who had the privelege of being dumped on a Minidisc.

9:01 1/22/02
The schedule's Email/Phone/Other column is apparently a joke - I'm supposed to be safely away from hearing customer stupidity and keeping it purely text-style according to that, but I keep getting calls from the help desk telling me to take calls. At least I'm not in the ditch-digging business. That's how I console myself when stupidity breaks out.

9:10 1/22/02
"I'm calling about the notation you sent to my computer."

9:30 1/22/02
Already out of customer emails. Going to be one of those days.

9:58 1/22/02
Loud Bruce's laugh shattered my peace. Wanker.

10:53 1/22/02
My stomach is full of yogurt and seems not at all happy with my snacking choice during my enforced 15-minute play period. My friend Jennifer and I have been discussing setting up a support company very very idly. I dunno - if I had the resources and time, I'd love to set up a company that'd allow smaller software firms to outsource their needs to us. Sort of a smaller version of E-Support Now, where a lot of the employees here are from.

10:57 1/22/02
"Yes, I diiiiiiiiiiiid! I always take notes! I have my little black book here! Yeah! YEAAAAAH!" - Loud Bruce

11:14 1/22/02
Apparently, Worldstop is back up. Lex and Sparby have both logged in from there. Hrm.

11:49 1/22/02
Do people actually read their email?

12:45 1/22/02
Post lunch - feeling bloated from a Trader Joe's rice bowl with veggies. Jean Kelly's messing with the bulletin board, moving stuff around for no apparent reason. It's very slow.

Thursday, January 31, 2002

Wednesday, January 30, 2002

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

Monday, January 28, 2002

Friday, January 25, 2002

Thursday, January 24, 2002

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

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