I don't want to go all Dave's Long Box on you people, but I was introduced to the sweetest supervillain of all motherfucking time today at the shop by Mike. I want you to close your eyes...ok, shit, open them and read and then close them and imagine the awesomeness that can only come from...
A Nazi Made Of Bees.
I am shitting you not - this most awesome of villain concepts first premiered in issue #14 of that most 70s of Marvel superteam titles, The Champions. Fritz Von Meyer had escaped to South American and started experimenting with bees, as all Nazis can do is perform experiments horribly wrong. In this case, he figured stinging insects + radiation from an unknown meteor = world domination or something, I guess and was proven horribly wrong when the transmogrified bugs go and get superintelligent (for bees, I suppose) and more savage just before stinging him and consuming his flesh to the point where he was devoured down to a skeleton and it was only the fact that he grabbed the queen bee and somehow seized control of the hive that he was able to become...SWARM.
What good is hellfire against fascist bees, really?
Swarm goes and attacks the LA-based Champions, who it should be noted had the weirdest lineup in comics: Black Widow, Iceman, Hercules, Angel, and Ghost Rider, as you can see right there. Talk about a team that had to be created as some kind of sick bar bet between Bill Mantlo and the most esteemed Archie Goodwin, awesome editor type. "Hey, Arch! If I drink these three shots in under 20 seconds, I get to sleep with your wife. If I don't, I'll write whatever superteam you can pull out of your ass!" Anyway, Swarm gets defeated after the team manages to...um...toss the queen bee very far away from him. I'd call that a rather embarrassing end for...A Goddamn Nazi Made Of Bees.
Nothing keeps a hard-working German down for long, though, and when scientist at Peter Parker's then-college, Empire State University decide to expose Von Meyer's skeleton to a bee hive because there's a rule that if somebody isn't performing some completely stupid science experiment within 10 miles of Spider-Man at all times, a busload of orphans get tossed into a furnace every ten minutes.
Hope you brought your Deep Woods Off!™, web slinger!
Of course Spider-Man kicks his Nazi Bee ass over the next two issues because that's what our hero does, right? You can read a comprehensive-as-hell summary over at this superdisco nerd fan site, which also points out that Ben Reilly (oh, god, him) faced down Swarm in an issue of Sensational Spider Man. Sadly, our featured villain has not graced us with his Fascist Insect Presence of late, but I am sure that deep in the wilds of Portland, Bendis is feverishly plotting to use Ultimate Swarm in the near future. At least he somehow got onto Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends in the 80s. No, I can't figure out how that worked, either.
Buzz, mutterficken, buzz!
Update: Hey, Crooked Timber folks! Check out this post for some choice moments on this site and this post, where I talk about who I am! Thanks!
I am shitting you not - this most awesome of villain concepts first premiered in issue #14 of that most 70s of Marvel superteam titles, The Champions. Fritz Von Meyer had escaped to South American and started experimenting with bees, as all Nazis can do is perform experiments horribly wrong. In this case, he figured stinging insects + radiation from an unknown meteor = world domination or something, I guess and was proven horribly wrong when the transmogrified bugs go and get superintelligent (for bees, I suppose) and more savage just before stinging him and consuming his flesh to the point where he was devoured down to a skeleton and it was only the fact that he grabbed the queen bee and somehow seized control of the hive that he was able to become...SWARM.
What good is hellfire against fascist bees, really?
Swarm goes and attacks the LA-based Champions, who it should be noted had the weirdest lineup in comics: Black Widow, Iceman, Hercules, Angel, and Ghost Rider, as you can see right there. Talk about a team that had to be created as some kind of sick bar bet between Bill Mantlo and the most esteemed Archie Goodwin, awesome editor type. "Hey, Arch! If I drink these three shots in under 20 seconds, I get to sleep with your wife. If I don't, I'll write whatever superteam you can pull out of your ass!" Anyway, Swarm gets defeated after the team manages to...um...toss the queen bee very far away from him. I'd call that a rather embarrassing end for...A Goddamn Nazi Made Of Bees.
Nothing keeps a hard-working German down for long, though, and when scientist at Peter Parker's then-college, Empire State University decide to expose Von Meyer's skeleton to a bee hive because there's a rule that if somebody isn't performing some completely stupid science experiment within 10 miles of Spider-Man at all times, a busload of orphans get tossed into a furnace every ten minutes.
Hope you brought your Deep Woods Off!™, web slinger!
Of course Spider-Man kicks his Nazi Bee ass over the next two issues because that's what our hero does, right? You can read a comprehensive-as-hell summary over at this superdisco nerd fan site, which also points out that Ben Reilly (oh, god, him) faced down Swarm in an issue of Sensational Spider Man. Sadly, our featured villain has not graced us with his Fascist Insect Presence of late, but I am sure that deep in the wilds of Portland, Bendis is feverishly plotting to use Ultimate Swarm in the near future. At least he somehow got onto Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends in the 80s. No, I can't figure out how that worked, either.
Buzz, mutterficken, buzz!
Update: Hey, Crooked Timber folks! Check out this post for some choice moments on this site and this post, where I talk about who I am! Thanks!
