The internet's pretty fucking ginchy sometimes. A random email a few moments ago introduced me to the work of Odyr, a Brazilian artist whose work reminds me a lot of Chester Brown and Seth while still maintaining a unique, almost continental flavor. Of particular note are his wonderful caricatures and this piece, which I decided to stick up here in the hope that somebody who, oh, makes with the comics happens to see it. If anyone knows Portugese and can translate the Green Lantern-pawning-his-ring strip, I'd love to find out how they get to the punchline.

So, let's look at Diamond's shipping list for this week and what I'll be getting, shall we?

DC Comics:
Lex Luthor, Man Of Steel #1

Image:
Case Files: Sam And Twitch #14

Marvel:
*crickets chirping*

Not The Big Three:
Teenagers From Mars in trade paperback!

Oh, the reading I will do - the other three volumes of Planetes should be in by Friday as well - #3 is apparently not available right now, so a quick trip to see Matt at Comicopia may well be in order. Then there's the reading that really needs to be done already so I can finally review or post about it or whatever.

Note: As I write this, comments are down for some reason. It's not you, it's Haloscan

I don't particularly like the approach and ratings systems used by SilverBulletComics, but they did an excellent interview with Darwyn Cooke, who says things that need to be said to the big two about how to handle the mass market.

Comic creators, editors and publishers would actually have to do their jobs � sell populist fare by the truckload that appealed to the mass market. They would have to give up this tight little circle where people care more about Bruce's feelings than they do whether there's a Batman story actually taking place. They'd have to work all ages with public light cast on the book's actual content, they'd have to compete with better written and produced entertainment from other media. Books that didn't sell would die. "Creators" who couldn't meet a monthly schedule would be restricted to specials and one-shots. Public taste and trends would have to be embraced. The precious superhero would have to share the stage with other more relevant genres like Romance, Crime, Horror, Humour and the like. Dicks like Kevin Smith¹ would have to save their juvenile, oral-sex innuendo for something other than a mainstream DC comic.

The comic book industry in America is a cottage industry aimed at a very exclusive audience. That's why they don't sell. For 20 years, Hollywood has been making millions off comic properties and the zombies chant about how it will translate in sales... and it never does. Because the comics are cryptic, inaccessible, overpriced and aimed at anything other than a mass market.

Cooke's a wonderful interview subject, as Chris Butcher and I were just discussing earlier today, and I love how he really doesn't hold back from talking about the creative process and how he views the state of the medium. He and Howard Chaykin are rather cut from the same cloth and I think they're what this industry needs more of.

Speaking of interviews, I think that anyone who reads any of his titles and doesn't check out Bendis's interview in this month's issue of The Comics Journal is an utter fool. Some cat named Ian Brill does a mighty nice couple of reviews as well and shows up old farts like myself quite handily, too, so maybe that's worth a peek as well. (Ian, seriously, good work.)

¹Hi, Jenn.

My father, for being someone who is pretty non-intellectual, seems to dig Stanley Kubrick's movies. I remember when I first saw 2001: A Space Odyssey. My father had rented it and sat me down, saying "This is better than your Star Trek." I was 12 and, as kids are wont to do at that age, I thought he was a complete gibbering idiot for making such claims - Kirk, Spock, and McCoy and that glorious ship, they were science fiction as far as I was concerned. Still, the old man and I rarely did anything together, as he travelled quite a lot on business, so we sat down and watched it on a Saturday night.

I was captivated, as he knew I would be. This was what science fiction could be. I was taken from the Dawn Of Man to a Pan Am flight into orbit to the Moon to Jupiter. While there were only 40 minutes of dialogue in the 139 minute running time, I knew I had been told more than any words could possibly convey. The wonderful pauses that let the viewer absorb those moments of scale - the languid movement of the spaceliner going into dock at the space-station, for instance. This what what visual storytelling was and it probably set my taste in a way that has left most "hard" science fiction, including the work of Arthur C. Clarke, who was half of the movie's creative team, cold to me.

Planetes from TokyoPop is more about the mundanity of space and human nature than the philosophical and existential underpinnings of 2001, but they share same many of the same tropes. The idea that we, as a people, should be out there is a central theme to both works as is the nature of our interactions with space. In this future, it's commonplace to take a spaceliner flight from Tokyo to London. There's an established series of bases on the moon and mankind has managed to litter Earth's orbit with the detritus from thousands of rocket launches. Of course, with space being so busy, it's up to a fleet of orbital garbage scows to make sure that a nut or bolt doesn't cause a catastrophe when it runs into a passenger vessel moving at escape velocity.

Planetes focuses on one such crew and their various attempts to grapple with their job's trials as well as trying to have lives separate from the work and maintain relationships with their families back on Earth. The leader, Fee, has a husband and young child on Earth, a smoking habit that only gets rare moments of satisfaction, and the unending stress that work in space causes people. Yuri's damaged as a result of an accident in space where his wife was killed and is dealing with the tragedy by not dealing with it at all. His character arc is central to the first volume, as is the final crewmember's. Hachimaki is young, reckless, and has dreams of owning his own spacecraft - he views this duty as just a means to an end.

It's telling that when we see our crew back on Earth due to Fee's rather impulsive (and lifesaving) action against a terrorist group, they seem slightly out of place among their families and friends. Hachimaki forgets that Japan in January is not climate-controlled like the environs he normally works in, complaining to Fee about the very idea of seasons as they exit the spaceport to visit his family. This visit also provides closure for Yuri, who had spent the past few years dealing with the tragedy that drove him away from humanity and into the insular world he now works in, but it's not the stereotypical idea of going back to your roots that triggers a change in him. No, it's when Yuri meets Hachimaki's younger brother and helps the engineering student successfully launch a rocket, bringing another into his world while expunging the last bit of sadness he associates with space that he finds some sort of peace. Space calls to these people, and you can't help but feel a slight tug yourself.

The psychological and physical effects of working out there helps provide vermisilitude and touchpoints for the reader in a way that's rarely explored in science fiction. Fee's smoking habit fuels one story in an unusual way, for instance, while Hachimaki's psychological struggles after an accident leaves him abandoned on the dark side of the moon helps the reader relate to the stresses these people endure every day.

The most obvious difference between the movie mentioned and this manga is here - where 2001 avoided human nature whenever possible - the dialogue delivery is stilted and the most interesting character is a computer - Planetes is driven by what makes us tick. The parallel of space flight and man's need to go beyond Earth's grasp, though, is heavy in both works. In many ways, Planetes is what I wanted out of Yokinobu Hoshino's 2001 Nights, the anthology-style title wherein man's role in the universe was explored in a hamfisted, completly unsubtle manner that was more of a fifth-generation photocopy of 2001 than anything that built upon the same themes that explored its own corners of character and story. It's refreshing to have science fiction exploring humanity instead of technology, especially in the comics format. The craft in Makoto Yukimura's storytelling shows in how deliberately, yet effortlessly, he paces a story to let you occasionally savor what space is while never having you flipping pages, waiting to get to more plot.

Click here for a preview. It's done in the "slightly nonintuitive for the web even if it works in the real world" right to left format, so make sure you read from page one, which is at the far right of the top row and make sure you pay attention to what is "next." There's also something to be said for the value here - I was reading the first volume for an hour this morning, twice as long as I'd spent on the three $3 books I'd read over my first cup of coffee. The second volume's sitting in my bag and I'm sure I'll succumb to the temptation tonight, even if it means I'll have to wait a few days before getting the third book and the two-part fourth and final volume that finishes this remarkable work.

Then, who knows, maybe I'll send them to my dad with a note telling him that I'm returning the favor.

Jack Kirby as Landlord, courtesy of the ever-awesome Found Magazine that is just completely genius. (Maybe he should call the "Roto-Rooter" and have the "clogs" eliminated!!)

And look, Trade Whore doesn't need to be so gushingly enthusiastic about my writing. You do a good job, Hovy. Your reviews indicate that while you are DC's bitch, you do better than my caveman-with-burnt-stick scrawlings in many aspects. I'm just an embittered, sad fart drinking his way to an early grave while occasionally looking up at comics and getting angry. Ah, Bourbon, what can't you do? I mean, besides make my penis bigger? (That's OK - I get tons of offers in email to help me make my 13" python into an outright anaconda of passion.)

You should listen to the mixes put together by DJ Muse. Her Retroelectromix has fueled some work on Genius Idea tonight as well as this blog post. Show her some love and download. (Fairer Sex is, frankly, amazing. And not just because she works in some Underworld.)

Hey, what's this? A new mix from BeaucoupKevin? Yes indeed, my friends. If you right-click and download this 65.8mb, 160kbps MP3, you're going to get a slightly-quirky mix designed for just-before-sunrise bombing down the freeway. It's about an hour long and I'm much happier with this than last month's selection. Not as much droning to start, and there's a bit more genre-hopping on this. No lyrics to annoy Darby this time around, either!

This time around, we've got:

• "Analogue Bubblebath 3" by AFX
  
• "Heinz Roth Has Been Sad" by Baked Beans
  
• "Spaceship Melody (Tantric Remix)" by Deeper Than Space
  
• "Too Late, Too Early" by Perfume Tree
  
• "Past" by Sub Sub
  
• "Cafe Del Mar (Michael Woods Ambient Mix)" by Energy 52
  
• "There Will Be No Armageddon" by Union Jack
  
• "Meditations" by DJ Crystl

Here's what we're doing - a little something different. The following is a post from Novice - you'll see her linked on the list to your left, under "Collaborators." She's a hell of a lass and I really appreciate her writing and enthusiasm about comics. Her alias isn't a misnomer - she's really quite new to comics and she managed to get me talking about Superman in a longwinded, rambling fashion that probably did nothing to clarify why people like our favorite Kryptonian. Anyway, here's what she has to say. I take umbrage with the world "Dear" to describe me, for what it's worth. Please take that with more than a grain of salt.

I realize that I could go on to Dorian�s or Mike�s (or
Kevin�s) site and just place a random comment, but
that seems rude. I could post this up on my blog, but
it isn�t comic blog, and only a few people would read
it (Love ya, Sam, Rick and Christina!)

Dear Kevin has graciously given me a stage for my
thoughts to throw up on.

My favorite Comic Book Character ever is Alfred
Pennyworth. He fascinates me. I think this is
because I know so little about him. Though, for all I
know, there is a wealth of Alfred information
available, and I just haven�t found it. I�m still in
the discovering stages.

Alfred is essentially Bruce Wayne�s Father. The
primary caregiver for most of his life, his influence
was vital in the shaping of the adult Bruce and of
Batman.

Any good parent would have plunked little Bruce into a
therapist�s office. Any good parent would never
encourage setting up a big ol� cave in the basement
and running around after criminals.

Alfred was a pretty sucky dad.

If Alfred had been a good father, there would have
been no Batman. There would have been no need. Bruce
would probably have chosen a career path for Justice,
but it would have been one that allowed him a less
solitary life. Spouse, kids, maybe.

I have seen a reference to this in �Dark Victory�. To
Alfred realizing the consequences of his parenting, I
mean. This could be why Dick Grayson is a little less
of an emotional disaster.

Of course, what would have become of Dick Grayson had
there never been a Batman?

That's what I think, anyway.

I ask you to realize, in the reading of this, that I
call myself �Novice�. I do not call myself �Super
Knowledgable Comic Chick� for a reason.

I�m probably overthinking this...I tend to do that.

I�m looking for anything folks, ideas, issue
recommendations.

Make fun of me on someone else�s site, please.

Paris Hilton says "I don't know why this stuff always happens to me." BeaucoupKevin answers in this open letter.

Paris:

My, my, my. You've had a helluva week, haven't you? Your T-Mobile Sidekick got hacked by some nefarious person and your life was, once again, open for public view. People got your list of phone numbers, notes that meant a lot to you like "I think gamsy wants a little kiss" and "Do you wanna leave soon, ill pretend I hsve 2 go pee and u wait 3 mins than come by yourself to the back entrance," and some downright shocking photos of you with a South American media personality.

This is, of course, just the latest calamity to strike your carefully crafted image of a sweet, innocent girl who happens to have more money than God and answers her phone during sex with her boyfriend. This boyfriend, of course, seemed to take umbrage with this fact and released videos of your carnal acts that have since become utterly boring through their ubiquity. At least, I think it's the commonness of the videos that makes me bored by them and not the fact that you're about as sexy as a washboard with a blond wig on top.

Do you really want to know why this stuff happens to you, Paris? It happens to you because you are nothing but a remora that sucks (heh) all the little bits of fame you can manage to get from Hollywood and your daddy's millions. Have you ever thought how nice it would be to, instead of co-starring with fellow bimbo Nicole Richie in yet another reputation-destroying season of The Simple Life, try doing charity work? Maybe if you used your family name to bring in money for things like libraries, schools, community centers and the like, you'd be able to lead the life you seem to think you deserve.

Sure, the party girl image drives a lot of people to hate you, but maybe if you did something other than being America's Next Vapid Cunt, you'd be less of a target. If you worked hard and then played hard, people might well be more sympathetic. Instead what they see now is a spoiled brat who can't keep her knickers on, someone who can't help but step into that damned bear trap over and over again despite the fact there's a large neon sign that says "Hey, there's a bear trap right here, you dumb broad!"

Imagine the shock and horror that would be splayed across the news if it was revealed that the Hilton heiress who had recently helped a New York City hospital raise $3,000,000 for a new wing, had her Sidekick's information swiped? People would be aghast at such a thing, or at least more sympathetic than they are now. Imagine if you actually acted like you wanted the privacy that you claim has been taken away from you time and time again.

Why would anyone with a fortune of $30 million do the things that you do? Why would you let a sleazy man tape you going down on him with the enthusiasm of a child with an asparagus stalk? Why would you take photos of a topless you rubbing against a, frankly, much hotter woman? Why would you set yourself up for all of this? I want to say it's because you don't know better, that you're somehow retarded and the family doesn't want to talk about it, that you're simply dumb but I think it's time to invoke some words my father told me at an impressionable age.

"Being dumb comes natural. Being stupid means you don't wanna learn better."

Sweetie, you're stupid. That's why all of this stuff happens to you.

Love Ya,
BeaucoupKevin

SuperFriends and Office Space mashup, courtesy of Vy, who surfs the web so I don't have to.

Spider-Man makes the bible better in this piece from The Portland Mercury, a great free weekly. Thanks to Josh, who also surfs the web in lieu of any productive work.

Flash Facts:
Canada budgets an additional $10 billion on defense for the next 5 years. That's about $2 billion per year over their current $13 billionbudget. So, let's say their current 2005 plan is $15 billion, OK? Close enough for jazz, you know?

Our 2005 defense budget is $401.7 billion.

Canada has just over 32,500,000 citizens as of the latest census.

The United States has just over 293,000,000 people in its borders that call it home.

This means that Canadians are paying $461.53 per citizen per year while Americans are paying $1370.99 per person per year.

Conclusion:
I am three times safer than Canadians! Yay!

UPDATE: Bob in the comments helped me with math and made sure I pointed my nose at the right ass when it came to doing the numbers. I misread my original source and I thank him for the asssistance.

What's this? A new superhero series by indie superstar James Kolchaka? And it's called Super F*ckers? And it's in full color? And it's solicited in this issue of Previews for a May release? And it's from Top Shelf Productions, producers of fine-ass comics?

Yes, indeed, that's all true.

Oh, and I have the Catalog Number for you from Diamond: MAR053221. At $7, it may sound spendy, but I believe that Kolchaka's gonna work it out.

Sam memed me.

No, I'm not passing this on. It's too random. I like laser-like focus in my memes. But I like Sam enough to do this one. I'm like that.

What's your favorite kind of cookie?
Um. Geez. Random, what? Um. Peanut butter. Sure.

Who is America's most overrated actor?
DeNiro is now officially a caricature.

Name a guilty pleasure.
Mint facial mask that I stick on once a week to clean out my pores.

What are you looking at?

"Scrubs" or "Everybody Loves Raymond"?
Arrested Development.

Name two things you can't live without.
Music. Comics. (Kristin is not a thing.)

Using your first pet's name and your mother's maiden name, come up with your porn star name.
Dutchess Morris. WTF?

What song are you listening to right now?
"Moment's Notice" by John Coltrane, from Blue Train.

Name your celebrity crush.
Katee Sackhoff.

Favorite punchline from a joke.
"Where's my plow?"

One of the few comics that's made me laugh out loud (joining Dork! and the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League material), Scurvy Dogs is now out in convenient trade format for those of you who weren't lucky enough to pick it up the first time. Fried comedy gold with enough insanity and randomness to please even the most jaded Adult Swim viewer, this is what I call genius comics. Find out what happens when Blackbeard and his crew have to get real jobs, fight Vikings from the future, deal with drunken monkeys, and confront the hobo mafia when you get this 160 page trade. Rags To Riches also comes with bonus materials that mean those of us who bought the series the first time around can now have an excuse to pick it up again. $13 is a better deal than that Batman: War Games trade you were eyeing and the entertainment value goes a lot further.

It hits shelves today, so buy it immediately and be cooler than the people that'll catch on in a couple of months.

This may surprise those of you that know how much I enjoy books like 100 Bullets, the Bendis/Maleev run on Daredevil¹, and Sleeper, but at this point I'm pretty goddamn tired of the dark superhero comics that DC puts out.

Where's the wonder, the goddamn brilliance that should be splattered across the pages that DC drops like a dead fish into the laps of its readers every month?

The Flash is increasingly grim, from what I can tell - Geoff Johns has him dealing with the dark secrets of Barry Allen and the rest of the JLA and villains who do things like, oh, rip the faces off their victims. Hell, the most recent issue deals with the villains having a funeral with a lot more page-space given to them than our titular hero. Is it a sin to tell fun stories about a guy who can run faster than anyone else and do the impossible?

Why have we had to look at Jim Lee drawing 12 issues of Superman talking to a priest, fighting with the people who are his closest allies, and dealing with a terrorist who looks like a knockoff of Seth from Millar's final Authority arc? If anyone could show us Superman saving the earth from a giant meteor, stopping an alien invasion, or dealing with a horde of hyper-fast ninjas, it's Jim Lee. Instead, we get Superman pining for a lost Lois, questions of purpose and desire, and some kinky stuff with Wonder Woman.

Why is Teen Titans full of miserablism when it's got a hit cartoon and characters that young readers want to read about? I've seen parents reach for the regular-flavor Teen Titans comic for their 8 or 9 year old and had to divert them over to the version based on the Cartoon Network series. The same goes for Justice League Unlimited and while I've enjoyed both comics and I know that kids will read them enjoy them, it seems ludicrous to pull a comic starring Superboy, Kid Flash, Beast Boy, and Robin out of a kid's hands and tell them "No, hey, look, you shouldn't be reading that."

Identity Crisis² is being followed up by the even-more-grim looking DC Countdown, which currently has the rumormongers on the internet abuzz with what is going to happen, who's going to die, and the massive effects this is going to have on the DC Universe for the readers. Now, I have a simple, almost Mamet-like question for the people doing this: when does all of this become enjoyable for the readers instead of a chore?

I have a good deal of respect for Geoff Johns, Greg Rucka, and Judd Winnick, but is there a single ounce of wonder in their bodies? Have they ever embraced the sheer coolness of the characters they get to write? I know Winnick's got some whimsy in him - Barry Ween comfortably merges foul-mouthed kid action with crazy science fiction concepts and makes you believe in its strange little world. His Outsiders, however, is a grim look at heroes in their young 20s dealing with a grim world and grim villains who do things like bomb schoolbuses full of people.

Greg Rucka's a really good procedural-slash-mystery writer - not someone who should be writing superheroes. His Queen and Country is one of those comics I look forward to the most, but outside of creating Sasha Bordeaux for Detective (and then managing to make her yet another victim of Batman's ego,) he's done nothing that makes me able to recommend any of his DCU work. Hell, he took a year to get to the point where something happened in Wonder Woman and while everyone was screaming about how awesome that thing was, I wondered "Why couldn't that have happened sooner? Why couldn't there have been 11 months of things that happened before getting to the point where he's at now?" Wonder Woman is a character that DC should be managing to sell to people who aren't fanboys in their 30s. She's an Amazon Warrior Princess, which I seem to remember selling to people well enough under the guise of the much-less sophisticated Xena.

Geoff Johns? JSA can be a fun book when they just let go, but it seems that more often than not, he feels the need to do something truly awful to make sure that the readers are paying attention. Per Degaton went and slaughtered a family, including an infant at the dinner table in a recent issue. You see, when your comic book has the old-school Flash who wears a wheel rim from a '42 Chrysler sedan on his head, murdering babies shouldn't be part of the story. There's bits I like in this Green Lantern: Rebirth book - the most recent issue featured Ollie Queen using the power ring and remarking as to how much work it really is to use a magic wishing ring. A nice touch in an otherwise dour story that serves only to make amends for other grim-and-gritty mistakes DC has made.

I believe in the power of a shared universe when it comes to comics storytelling, but these grand crossovers have done nothing but disappoint myself and I presume, many other comics fans for years. I've heard that Didio views comics and TV as parallel mediums - episodic entertainment that builds as the "season" goes on, but this metaphor fails with even more than a cursory glance. I don't need to know what's going on in CSI to enjoy Law And Order, so I shouldn't have to read Identity Crisis to know why something happens in The Flash in the same month. You can build and expand upon things without having marketing dictate what the trends and storytelling should be.

The Johns/Winnick/Rucka DC Universe is the least exciting world in comics right now, despite what Newsarama and Wizard tell me and despite what many fans are telling themselves as they hook up to that monthly dose of the heroes they once thrilled to. The saving grace for myself and the DCU right now is Morrison's Seven Soldiers project and All-Star Superman. When are fans going to rebel from the legacy of Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns that the creators of those works have moved away from? Hell, Frank Miller's doing All-Star Batman featuring Robin - the first Batman-and-Robin book since the 80s, when he was basically the impetus for Jason Todd's death.

As a fan, all I want is to be able to get the same feeling DC's superhero comics that I got when I read Alan Moore's Supreme or Grant Morrison's JLA. Show me people doing good things because they can. Show me heroes doing what they should do. Stop dragging them through the mud and elevate them. I don't think the argument that they need to be characters to which the audience can relate means that they have to have awful things happen to them nor do they need to be "pushed to the edge," as is in vogue.

Give me wonder, give me scale, give me fun. That's it.

¹To defend the current Daredevil run, I'm going to say this: Matt Murdock is much more interesting than Daredevil. This struggles with his personal life and the costume have driven storylines like Born Again and what's called "The Miller Run." His failures as an attorney bite him on the ass in his hero life: Elektra (you know, when she died the first time) and Melvin Potter / The Gladiator being the most glaring examples that pop to mind.

²Which is getting its own line of goddamn action figures, for the love of Christ almighty. I note that Sue Dibny's not in there. Beef jerky's pretty cheap and I bet you could mold it into an acceptable simulacrum. And can I just say that Michael Turner's art translates even more poorly to plastic than Jim Lee's?

I've got a long comics screed that will be up later today or tomorrow. It'll probably be the latter, as I want to codify my arguments a bit more and make sure that they're enjoyable to read and fall shy of just being hedonistic, salf-satisfactory shouts of comics-ass-kickery wherein names are named. I'm probably going to ensure that I don't get a job at one of the big two with this, but I've decided that if I punch out, it'll be in a blaze of self-immolative glory.

Until then, here's yet another reason I am sick of Paris Hilton being famous. America's Most Vapid Cunt had her Sidekick cracked, apparently by a social hacker who managed to get her password by being nice, and now there's a ton of celebrity phone numbers and pictures that are pretty not-safe-for-work out in the open. If this is a hoax, it's well-played and if it's not, it's exactly what the moronic bitch deserves.

(Sorry for the invective - I just fail to see why, exactly, she's being treated as anything more than a retarded famewhore who can't figure out how to tell someone to put down the camera. Hell, she took those topless-making-out-with-a-chick pictures herself. The guys at Achewood seem to agree with me.)

A few minutes ago, I was informed that Hunter S Thompson had shot himself. He was found by his son Juan in that cabin he'd called home in Woody Creek since the early 60s.

He was a near-failure from Kentucky that'd joined the Air Force and found journalism as a sports editor for the base's paper. Some people find religion, he found out how much power the written word had. From the Air Force, he started writing bits here and there, gaining the attention of the sort of people who hire writers and it was this reporting that got him his first book deal, Hell's Angels. It was this tome that led to him getting stomped by his titular subjects, his nose broken. He wasn't embarassed about this incident or particular proud - it was what it was - bad behavior on the part of bad people, just proving the point he'd made.

He traveled quite a lot, as journalists are wont to do. It was Colorado that would serve as his own Foxbase Alpha, though. From Woody Creek, he'd make dispatches to the world, tussling with Richard Nixon and other bastards that needed to be put in their place. He redefined journalism with his "gonzo" style - Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas being the example of how to waste a magazine's money in glorious style while still capturing a story, if not the one you were sent off to do.

If you've only seen the movie for Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas or the Bill Murray vehicle Where The Buffalo Roam, you're doing yourself a disservice. Oddly enough, I was rereading The Great Shark Hunt on the subway for the last few days and I can't recommend it highly enough for a big slab of his best work. It goes without saying that comics fans wouldn't have had Transmetropolitan without Thompson - he was so bizarre that no writer could invent him.

I'm sipping some bourbon right now for you, Raoul Duke. I hope you've already popped by Nixon's afterlife and managed to give him a bit of a shock.

San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant. There was madness in any direction, at any hour. If not across the Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.

UPDATE: As he does so often, Rob beats me by a country mile.

Oh, hey, I never reviewed last week's comics, so I'm going to do the Pocket Reviews thing again. 20 Words or less, go!

100 Bullets #58: Wow, I never saw that coming. Damn good.

Amazing Joy Buzzards #2: This may be my new favorite comic. So much pure fun.

Apocalypse Nerd #1: I like Peter Bagge, but not this comic. What's up with that backup?

Daredevil #70: Sort of a non-happening ending. The protagonist gets saved. Eh. Lovely, though.

Human Target #19: Oh, goddamn, goddamn, goddamn! That's good crime comics. Movie starring Clooney, please.

Jack Staff #7: I feel so lost, but it's so pretty. Has Grist given up on story entirely?

JLA Classified #4: Sue Dibny pregnancy jokes offset an otherwise pitch-perfect funny comic.

Little Star #1: EEEE. Andi Watson! EEEE. Very well done first issue about raising a family.

Livewires #1: Super insane. Glorious.

Tom Strong #31: Even a pirate gorilla can't make Moorcock unboring to me. Nice Ordway art, mind.

Clicking makes big.

Swiped from Dave over at Yet Another Comics Blog, here's the cover to All-Star Superman #1. While he raises a valid point as to its lack of action, I have to ask - when's the last time you saw Superman doing something as fanciful as sitting on a cloud, watching a sunrise (or sunset)? This guy should be doling out wonder and awe like it ain't no thing. Good on Quitely and Morrison for giving us that which has been missing for so long. (Well, I presume they'll be doing that - they have yet to let me down.)

Marvel and Image solicits both went up late last week and I didn't say anything about them, opting to instead post a picture of a truly horrendous Witchblade cover. As it is the weekend and my free time is copious, here's the highlights as I see them - your mileage may vary.

Marvel is up first.

Machine Teen is the greatest name in modern comics. I will give it a read even if it smacks strongly of the Not Quite Human books that I devoured as a young nerd.

Maximum Fantastic Four sounds fascinating, but even with my heavy discount, that's a lot of money to spend on analysis of a comic that I currently own in at least four different reprints. It does lean heavily on Kirby for the sale and with Mark Evanier doing commentary, I may go and spend it without thinking too hard.

Ultimates 2 #6 - Ultimate Defenders?!? I'm on it, dog.

The last issue of Spider-Man / Human Torch comes out so I can expect the trade soon after. I read issue #2 from the preview pack this week - Slott Gets It Done and Templeton's art is always a pleasure¹.

The seven part "Decalogue" storyline continues in Daredevil, showing that Bendis can't do math.

OK. Marvel Milestones: Wolverine, X-Men, and Tuk The Caveboy? For $4, I'll pay to see vintage Kirby, but this combination has to have something to do with some forthcoming storyline. Tuk The Cave Boy?!?

GLA is going to be worth a look, I'm sure.

The cover of The Pulse #9 shows that it's not just the homosexuals that need to worry about Wolverine - pregnant ladies are up next in the murder queue. (Really, though, they're a year behind DC in this area.)

Secret War: From The Files Of Nick Fury. Will the series be over when this comes out? Do you care?

Livewires. Mmm. Good technology comics.

You can't see it, but I'm rolling right over the X-books.

I like these Marvel hardcovers, so I will strongly consider Powers Volume 1, but the series itself is about this close to losing me entirely.

Ah, now to the good stuff. I own most of the stuff in Best Of The Fantastic Four Volume 1, but I have to point out that just including the fourth issue in Morrisons Fantastic Four: 1 2 3 4 series is just plain bizarre². That's going to come so far out of left field for casual readers that it'll seem like it was from another stadium entirely.

I'll read the latest Fantastic Four trade because I've been keeping up with the Waid / Wireringo run on the series that way, but I bet when I'm done it'll be the usual thing. "Man, he loves these characters and writes them so well, but can he please stop making wish he had a co-plotter to jazz this stuff up?" A little insanity would do wonders for this book.

Giant Size Marvel looks to be an interesting trade, even if the only theme is "70s Marvel Stories That Were Giant-Size." I note with some disappoint that Man-Thing didn't make the cut.

Essential Defenders? Hell yeah!

Essential Fantastic Four Volume 1 comes back into print - it's been fetching stupid amounts on eBay of late because it has been - check this out - out of print. You can get the second and third trades just fine, but not that first. Marvel's printing policies baffle me.

Essential Thor Volume 2? Yeah, that's the stuff I really like - Kirby gets to draw Giant God Thing after Giant God Thing and Stan drops dialogue when he can work it in.

Image's solicitations.

Girls. The comic with the naked woman on the front may not be suitable for all ages. I'm mildy curious, though.

Doug TenNapel returns with Earthboy Jacobus, but after the beautifully-drawn-but-empty Tommysaurus Rex, I'm probably going to give this a pass.

Felt: True Tales Of The Hip Hop Underground - take it away, Ed Cunard.

Hero Camp looks good - Grame at the Rampage likes it, so I'll give it a whirl.

Buy that PvP #0 because it's only $.50. Ignore the fact that you can read most of the strips in there for free.

I've heard tell that Deep Sleeper was very good. I will go with a cautious "I'll take a gander in the store and think seriously about it."

Burglar Bill better actually be coming out this time. That's all I have to say about that.

You're not reading Case Files: Sam And Twitch, are you? You should. I know, I know, it's a goddamn Spawn book. You have to trust me - it rises above the source material easily. I was unhappy to note that it is, yet again, another story that deals with the two protagonists many, many issues. Maybe just a straightforward detective story sometime soon, please?

Noble Causes: trade. Always trade. Much better in trade. Trade, trade, trade. Trade.

I sort of want that 1956 Elvis figure. Shush.

Top Cow: yeah, right. The end.

¹Notable exception - that godawful nasty graphic novel he wrote and drew for Vertigo a couple of years ago. Man, that was the meanest thing ever.

²Correction from Bob down in comments: this is the halfway-decent MK series that's currently going on now. I keep forgetting that book exists until I see the trades.

Ellis calls this "Old Comics Zen." I call it "Your out-of-context, sexually-charged Legion moments of the day."


I bet the video for this sold at least
10,000,000,000 copies throughout
the United Planets.


Let's play master and servant.
Come on, master and servant.
Hi, Jenn.

So, The Essential Luke Cage came out this week and it contains a two-issue story that is, in my opinion, the finest thing that the Marvel of the 1970s came up with - Hero For Hire issues 8 and 9. These two titanic tales are reason enough to purchase this 600-pages-for-$18 tome.

You see, someone representing the fine folks at the Latverian embassy asks our hero to perform a certain duty. He does said task and is told to pop by the next day to get his princely sum of $200 for the work he's done. Of course, Latverians being who they are, they leave him high and dry and shut down the embassy. He has to fight some robots, too, but that's incidental as to why I love this story so much.

Now, I want to ask you something. Let's say you're owed a pair of C-notes by a dictator who is encased in armor and can shoot lasers out of his fingers. What do you do? It's obvious that you borrow one of the Fantastic Four's incredibly expensive pogo planes, fly to Latveria, find Doom and say, and I quote from the text here: "Where's my money, honey?" And that is exactly what what Luke Cage, Hero For Hire does. I don't want to spoil what happens next, but you have to know that any story that starts with the phrase "Jive talkin', freakin' motherless candidate for the psycho hatch!" and features Dr. Doom redefines the word "Essential" to the point of no return.

I don't ask you people for much, do I? I think I give a fair amount of value for your blogging dollar, what with my commentary and posting of foul covers from third-rate Top Cow comics, right? Now is the time that I need your help, my friends. I need one of you, a filthy rich one, to procure this for me. Now, I know it seems expensive, but it's a very nice piece of art by an artist whose work I love on a comic I love. That's one of those one-in-a-million combinations in this business of comics. See, pal Jason¹ is telling me to buy it on credit, but I have a very strict "Never ever ever buy comics or comics-related merchandise with a credit card because that way lies the road to ruin for idiots like Kevin who can't handle their credit properly" policy.

So. Somebody needs to buy this for me. Thank you.

¹The phrase "Pal [PROPER NAME]" is ^TM and © Mike Sterling.

Click for the full horror.

This is the incentive special gold-foil variant hot shit edition of Witchblade #75.

What is going on here? Seriously.

Is she getting some sort of gratification from the car?

Are the other cabs victims of her strange passion for chrome and oil?

I am forever scarred.

Boston is bitch cold this morning. For those of you who are unaware of the term "bitch cold," it's a very specific combination of cold and wind that creates a windchill around the 22°F mark, (-6°C for Christina and other people who use that strangely logical system.) See, below this point, your mouth is covered by the scarf and you've probably got your collar up so high that even if you speak, nobody's going to hear you say "Son of a bitch!" while getting out of the too-cozy warmth of the subway stations. Above this point, you're likely not to say "Son of a bitch!" because hey, it's not bitch cold. However, when the temperature hits a certain point and the wind whips around the corner like a drunken policeman chasing a meth-crazed robber, it becomes bitch cold.

It's remarkably consistent, too. You'll hear men, women, even the occasional toddler saying "Son of a bitch!" when slapped by Mother Nature in her efforts to ensure that we're kept in our place and reminded why settling in the land we would call "New England" wasn't a bright idea, really.

In the category of non-meteorlogical ranting, something that I consider a bit of a genius idea hit me last night and in a flurry of typing and yelling at my erstwhile sounding board, Josh, I came up with a rough concept that I plan on hammering into something to take to somebody. I will say "Hand me sackfuls of your filthy American dollars so that I may finally have the lifestyle that I deserve," to this somebody, who will eagerly accept my idea as being far superior to any concept they've seen in years.

No, I'm not telling you what it is outside of the fact that it's the exact opposite of the Fight Comics concept that Warren Ellis has been espousing on the Bad Signal. Mind you, this isn't me pooh-poohing the concept of Fight Comics - I am very curious to see what he's going to come up with, as the man knows how to script what he terms "explodo" very, very well.

So, I came across this page of cute super-deformed icon versions of characters from the Official Handbook To The Marvel Universe circa 1987. Of course, what do I immediately do with this site?


Find some Inhumans, of course!

(Super-huge thanks to Ren, whose image help is greatly appreciated.)

It's been a tough decision (and I'm not just saying that) to see who should get these three comic books. I've gotten a lot of great questions that actually made me think and stay on my writerly toes and in a couple of cases, dredged up things I had lodged in my brains from years ago from long-forgotten classes. So. Who's the winner? Craig with his query about Mark Millar's Wolverine run, boycotting, and corporate planning. I've just fired an email off to him and I want to thank everyone who participated. I'm sure I'll be doing this again as it's far too much fun and it's easier than writing fresh-from-the-brain content.

I've not procured comics yet this week. In fact, I was just telling an internetfriend that I was leaving for work today when I had the choice of finally reading Jeff Smith's Bone in that Gigantor-sized tome or grabbing the first Grant Morrison New X-Men hardcover for the umpteenth time. Which one do you think I ended up choosing?

"Wolverine, you can probably stop doing that now."

Hey, don't give me that look.

Sam is curious. In a bitch fight between Bendis and Millar, who would win?

The fans, Sam. The fans.

Doug (who owns these comics already, I think) wants to know...
Can somebody take Sterling's scanner away from him before he scars us all forever?

For those who aren't aware, Mike Sterling runs the excellent Progressive Ruin comics site. In the last week, we've received this and this. (The former is SFW, the second features the phrase "Special Extra Large Lesbian Unicorn Issue," so you may or may not want to make with the clicky on it.)

And no, I don't want anyone to do that, because Sterling does too much good work with that same scanner, like making sure we know how to pronounce John Constantine's name.

What animal didn't get turned into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle rip-off?

Lobsters, crab lice, and the red-winged blackbird.

Do you have a favorite online comic? If so, what and what's the best strip ever?

Oh, crap. I like Penny Arcade quite a lot, and even if I think Kurtz is a bit of a putz, PvP cracks me up quite often. Then there's Achewood, which I have developed a fondness for lately. I can't pull out any favorites on demand, but maybe one day I'll do the research and go "Oh hey, the one with the boobies..."

That's it! The question battle is over! We'll be handing the questions over to the judge so he can review and make his arbitrary decision tomorrow.

I somehow missed Silent Nietzsche's excellent query. If there was a battle of the wills between Immanuel Kant and Alan Moore, who's view of reality would win?

Don't get me wrong, as I admire Kant's Copernican Revolution idea quite a lot, where the representation makes the object instead of the more conventional view that the object creates the representation. Where previously it was stated that the mind was a passive object receiving stimuli, the Copernican Revolution stated that it was now an active part of the experience, originating your perceptions. This is, of course, philosophical and the practical realization of any of this is, at best, unprovable.

That said, Alan Moore has changed the way a medium can speak to its audience in a very perceptible way. And he's a magician. And he's made me get misty-eyed more than a few times with his Superman stories alone. And he's a fucking magician. Kant would ponder while Moore was summoning ur-demons from the bowels of the Earth! Kant would declare them to be non-existent, as he refused their representation! Moore would be drinking wine from Kant's empty, force-blasted skull within an hour.

Doug Again:
How could you leave out the fine recommendations of Sequential Tart?

I couldn't be bothered to work much harder on the question after linking and pulling a ton of stuff myself. They are a fine group, to be sure, and going to their website is recommended. I just happen to like Johanna's reviews and stance quite a lot, so she came to mind first as a place where a beginner could look and not have to sort through a lot of fuss to get to "Titles You Should Read."

Who wrote the "There are 12 Cylon models" note and left it in Adama's quarters? Explain your reasoning.

I think it was Baltar, working behind Six's back, which may be hard to explain, since she's in his head. Another possibility is Boomer. Her history of blackouts indicates that she's not all there and may well be fighting against her programming. This is assuming that there's not another person who knows more about Cylons than we're being told.

Justin has two inquiries, the first being: How much of a hack is Mark Millar, seriously? Be sure to show units.

OK, let's do that, shall we? The internationally recognized unit for Comics Hack Writing is a "Marz." This is, of course, referring to Ron Marz, who can crank out a lot of stuff that seems to have little passion but manages to get from A to B without offending anyone outside of Women In Refrigerator moments. Unfortunately, this means he usually fails to inspire the reader. One Marz is equivalent to one issue of standard hack writing.

I don't think Mark Millar is much of a hack. He seems to thrive on making sure he gets a reaction - any reaction out of his audience. Where Marz can write 6-part storylines where Green Lantern clobbers alien invaders, Millar would feel the need to work in a rape, brutalization, or disfigurement. As Millar seems to work around these shock moments disguised as "emotional beats," he fails the hack test entirely - he cares too much about making sure the reader is pissed off.

Conversely, Mark Waid actually manages 2 Marz Units out of a single issue a lot of the time. See JLA: Year One for a prime example of writing that seems to meander and never, ever makes you wonder what's going to happen next.

Who is Jon Galt?

Surprisingly, a gay porn star. I prefer that much more to thinking about Ayn Rand.

Bill ponders the imponderable. I'm sorry if this has been asked before, since it's not terribly imaginative, but: Who would win a rumble (in glorious Technicolor, featuring music by Leonard Bernstein and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim) between the members of Erasure and Pet Shop Boys? Which fey pop group would raise their switchblades in victory?

The Pet Shop Boys. Chris Lowe's too much of an Arsenal supporter not to have been in a few scrapes. Neil also was infamous for slapping people in the 80s, including the head of EMI Asia after being lied to about sales figures. Vince would watch the fight from the side as he drinks a beer and smokes a cigarette and Andy would do funny voices and waddle about. (Also, given Andy's recent HIV-positive status announcement, I daresay they'd duel it out over checkers or chart positions or something.)

I was an ass and missed this question from Craig, and it's quite a good one.

Should those bearing good conscience consider boycotting Mark Millar's work, or would that be shining too much of a light on obvious mediocrity? As angry as I am about his choosing a gay character to stab through the heart, I just can't get over how poorly the story is told. Will this be a dream when all is said and done? Will it be a case of 'who cares?' Is Marvel paving the way for a new sole Gay Character they can market market market?

It's up to you whether or not you want to avoid paying a misogynistic fuckhead cash money. I've pretty much dropped anything with his name on it with the exclusion of The Ultimates, and not just because of Northstar. Millar strikes me as a writer who gets gigs because he has perfected the art of the hype. I went into my issues with Wanted, which started with a kick to the teeth and ended up informing the readers they were morons and sheep. This doesn't really endear me to his work and I think that many people are catching on to his many, many flaws.

I don't think this is going to be a dream when it's done. It will, however, be easy to say that Wolverine's been under some kind of mind control or the like, if that's not been stated already. "Who cares?" is probably the route most people are going to take with this series. I think it's offensive to the readers to create a high body count and have to stunt-kill a character that, let's admit it, has "being gay" as his one defining feature to most fans instead of managing to tell a decent story and promoting that properly.

Of course, Hype Sells, judging strictly by the numbers. You want people talking, being outraged, saying they're boycotting the book because this will make some people who don't care get interested. Marvel isn't concerned about making a title that can be resold in trade for the next few years like, say, Ultimate Spider-Man (a hit in pamphlet, to be sure, but a bigger hit in the bookstore market with its trades.) They're going for the quick hit. Nothing gets the bloodthirsty masses more interested in Logan than "Wolverine fights everybody and kills a homo," sadly.

Me, I'm stuck telling the lie that I only read The Ultimates because of Bryan Hitch and hope people believe it. It's funny how much enjoying that book bothers me.

Jenn has her hooligan friend Dan email me out of the blue with a pair of questions: Everyone knows Dave Sim lost his friggin' mind in issue 186, however can it be proven that he actually lost his mind much earlier--say, during the final arc of "Church and State"?

True, sad story here. I've never read word one of Cerebus. It just never crossed my radar at the right time and by the time I was remotely interested, I'd read enough about Sim to never want to read anything by Sim. I normally try to avoid associating someone's opinions with someone's art - James Ellroy being a prime example of this policy - but in Sim's case, I don't feel I'm missing out, even if the art is easy on the eyes.

Follow-up question: �Why is there a segment of society that still thinks Evan Dorkin plans on finishing Hectic Planet? �What's wrong with those people? �It was ten years ago, let go already!

I'm sorry, I'm too busy protesting the cancellation of Small Wonder to go into this. (Evan can do what Evan wants. I don't think his current sales are impacted at all by not finishing Hectic Planet. With a new book colored by Sarah coming out from Slave Labor soonish and that latest Bizarro book, I think he's basically indicated it's not high up on his priority list. Respect that he doesn't feel the need to finish a decade-old story and enjoy what he's doing now.)

Twelve Hours Until I Stop Answering Questions And Figure Out Who Gets These Comics.

Megan has a trifecta:
What's your take on people who cry, "I can't live in a country filled with hatemonger Republicans! That's it! I'm moving to Canada!"

Go. Leave the good fight to those of us willing to stick around. You're either with us or against us. (Hello, irony!) I think they should move to Canada because they don't care about America enough to stand up for what they believe in. Yes, I am a judgmental prick.

Of all types of monkeys in the world, what is your favorite?

Outside of Kryptonian Super Monkeys, I get all gooshy and screamy when I see White-Faced Capuchins. I know that chimps are apes and not monkeys, but they make me terribly happy as well.

(If you ever want to see a fat man cry, sit next to me when Koko's Kitten is on PBS. Koko is so smart and funny and the way she plays with a kitten is just...guh. I find it appalling that people can hunt her kind.)

The next time I end up wandering a comic shop aimlessly, is there a girlie-yet-not-stupid-or-insulting choice for me to look for?

While I bristle at the word "girlie," I'll give you a list of female-friendly books that I have enjoyed.

I recommend the romance of Tom Beland's True Story, Swear To God unreservedly. It's funny and sweet while never being cloying.

The first 8 volumes of Strangers In Paradise are quite good, but the Plane Crash Issue seemed to be Moore painting himself into a corner and the Ridiculous International Lesbian Conspiracy plot is never as interesting as he wants it to be.

Why I Hate Saturn is Kyle Baker's first big success from the early 90s and it holds up today. It's Seinfeld meets Thelma And Louise.

Andi Watson, now he makes with the comics for everyone. Breakfast After Noon deals with an unemployed couple's trying to make it; Geisha is about an android bodyguard who wants to paint; Slow News Day tells the story of a culture clash when an American starts to work for a small British newspaper; Love Fights is about tabloids, superheroes, and romance.

I loved Two Sisters by Matt Kindt. A spy thriller featuring siblings torn apart by World War II, this is an sweeping, enthralling read that kept me up late one night and haunted me for the next week. This is the sort of thing I thought I was getting when I picked up Margaret Atwood's The Blind Assassin.

These are just a few suggestions - you might want to check out the excellent Comics Worth Reading site, where Johanna Draper Carlson goes into many other books that I've also enjoyed, including Sparks and Maria's Wedding.

Near Mint Shane:
What are the lyrics to Born Slippy by Underworld and what the hell do they mean?

If you click here, you'll see the lyrics. These are a transcript from the now-sadly-gone Muzik, a magazine that was, for a while, the best-written magazine about "dance" records out there. Oh, we miss ye, Muzik

What's it about? Drinking. And partying. And calling your mom. It's about what any Underworld song is about - a series of images stitched together a certain way. The audio version of a photographic essay, you could say. It captures

Alice, again:
If we were in front of a TV judge, would you sue me for back rent, pain and suffering, damage charges, or all three?

Pain and suffering for the last 7 years, sweetheart. Pain. And. Suffering. Maybe a smidge of damages if we're in front of Joe Brown.

If you were on a tabloid talk show, would you be a Troubled Teen Makeover, Surprise Boyfriend of Butch Man, or Other?

Yes.


Describe your favorite "Cops" scenario.

Two words: RONNIE DOBBS!

DC's May Solicitations are up.

Just a quick gander this time. Outside of Grant Morrison's Seven Soldiers, the main DC line has only a few things that interest me.

Gotham Central #31 features Batman on the cover, which is only the second time this has happened. The first featured a great tribute to Alex Toth and this is a nicely laid out piece of work as well. As with the regular form for this series, this is yet another chapter in what amounts to a graphic novel. I wonder if the series sales would suffer if they would just release 2-3 Gotham Central novels a year (which would, of course, stay in print) instead of the monthy serial that is. Gaudiano took over art chores for Lark (who has skipped off to Marvel, where he'll be handling The Pulse with Bendis) and he seems to instantly grasped how the series works.

The Rann/Thanagar War starts and with Dave Gibbons writing a cosmic story with Ivan Reis's art, I might well be tempted despite the tie-in to DC Countdown a series I have bad feelings about after Bitchcrazy Crisis. This also ties into Adam Strange, because a series about a guy with a rocketpack just wasn't good enough - they had to make sure it was an event!

I'll be buying several copies of the first Justice league Unlimited trade. Only one will be for me, however - I plan on buying at least four or five extras to leave at doctor's offices and at the local hospital. Stick a Courtesy of Comicazi sticker on the inside front cover and the back, maybe create some new fanboys. $7 buys you 104 pages of comics. I like that it's "Manga-Sized," really - it means kids will carry it around and read that fucker. It's telling that I am more excited by this than any "real" DCU story involving any of these characters.

The solicitation information for Superman #217 sounds like it would be a great 8-or-16 pager under Mort Weisinger: Superman has left Metropolis and created a new Fortress of Solitude in the Amazon jungle. Lois and Jimmy come to find him, only to meet some unexpected resistance and the emergence of a new major threat to the entire DCU! See - the phrase "emergence of a new major threat to the entire DCU" sounds like "Oh, we are going to try our best to make sure you know how major this threat is on every page and it's going to take 9 months to tell the story, at least." At least that's what my jaded voice-in-the-head tells me.

Wrath Of The Spectre in trade? Fuck yeah, sign my ass up. I want me some of that "Turning stupid mooks into logs and throwing them into mystic sawmills" action, I tell you what! Aparo at the absolute peak of his art with Fleisher giving him truly insane shit to draw. Buy two - one to read and one to splatter your man-goo all over with insane glee.

From the Humanoids division comes Different Ugliness, Different Madness. This sounds like something I'd like and having seen other pieces of work by Males that weren't translated, I'm going to give this a shot. I'm always willing to see DC or Marvel try publishing something that's not capes and it's time I put my money where my mouth is.

Vertigo, then. Um. I told you Christopher Butcher says read Mneomovore, right? As always, 100 Bullets will be purchased. Um. *cough*

Wildstorm! Yes, let's look at them now. Yes. (Two Books?)

Warren Ellis's Desolation Jones starts and has what sounds to be a good hook - ex-MI-6-spook and victim of a nasty experiment moves to LA and joins a secret cabal of ex-spies to blow shit up and anything else that makes ends meet. J.H. Williams is handling the art, which is a big draw as well.

I forgot to mention City of Tomorrow in last month's review. I dunno if I need to bother. It's Howard Fucking Chaykin. He may be not to everyone's taste but you've got to admit that this guy's got so much game, he's practically his own Olympic event.

Alan Moore puts something out. Gene Ha draws it. I dunno, I may read it. Top Ten was pretty OK, I guess. (This is me trying not to explode and geeksqueak for the next ten minutes straight.)

Sleeper comes to an end. Dammit. It reads like this is the last part of the last volume. As the book was selling for shit in the montly format, I'm not surprised. Once more: cheap GNs. Keep them in print, too. I know, I'm talking crazy. It's all the butane I'm huffing.

Ask Me Questions And You May Win Comics continues...

Josh tosses me an easy one: If you had to recommend just one comic about a talking gorilla in a tuxedo fighting the good fight, what comic about a talking gorilla in a tuxedo fighting the good fight would it be?

Josh, the book you are seeking is called The Annotated Mantooth and can handle all of your super-suave gorilla-make-explody needs.

Doug stuffs the ballot box with:
So did Millar pay Jeff Gannon for the weekend package, or am I just idly speculating?

I hate to tell you, but it is the latter.

Will DER FAUST ever face off with villianess The Glove?

I am stealing that idea and not paying you one red fucking cent. (For those that are wondering, Der Faust is a superhero that I have written one and two-thirds scripts for in which he punches many, many people. If you are an artist and want to draw the first story for nothing in the way of financial renumeration, let me know. It's 8 pages, and I've been told that it's pretty funny, but many people may not find it as such.)

Did we end up the sitcom planet of the universe, or is that just a theory of mine? (What will those wacky Earthlings get up to THIS time?)

This is the shittiest sitcom I've seen since That's My Bush!, if so.

Back when Cartoon Books briefly merged with Image for distribution, there was a promo poster for them where Fone Bone was wearing a Grifter mask and guns. Did this crossover ever get made? What is the Greatest Crossover That Never Was?

Wildcats/Bone was a one-shot special written by Jeff Smith and Brandon Choi, featuring art by Jim Lee and Scott Williams. The entire print run was pulped, however, when a cariacture of several Marvel editors found its way into the book in a scene featuring a boiling vat of oil and Warblade doing...rude things. This may be a lie.

Newcomer Karl asks a pair of fine, fine questions worthy of more thought than I can possibly muster up, but here we go...
Just WHO are the "Ancients of Mu Mu", really?

The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu, according to The Illuminatus! Trilogy, were a group of ancient Atlanteans that were the sworn and bitter enemies of the Illuminati. They worked to bring chaos and disorder in the name of Eris to combat the global conspiracy the Illuminati were behind. Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty took this name for their group and in 1987 recorded their first record JAMS 23 - "All You Need Is Love" What's incredible is how little research I needed to do for this one - I had forgotten the number on the record.

Which is more likely to make you travel all the way to Xanadu; square eggs or Olivia Newton-John?

Olivia Newton-John, even if I prefer Goldfrapp's version of "Physical."

Sam cuts right to the heart of the matter with: Who the hell is Millar to give us such a dumb ending to Wanted? Answer that.

He is the guy who can get comics made without an editor actually saying "Um, seriously..." He has made people in the business of comics a lot of money. That speaks more than any sort of craft to beancounters.

Isaac from Toner Mishap: Is this going to be called "BeaucoupKevin and Friends" now?

A little known fact: in the late 90s, I hosted a children's TV show called BeaucoupKevin And Friends on a public access station in Atlanta. Due to a lawsuit after a sketch called "Cockpunch The Redneck And Get Candy," it was cancelled and replaced with video of an aquarium.

David Hitt gets all metaphysical! With apologies to D. Coupland: If there were two of you, which would win?

The BeaucoupKevin of Earth 1, of course.

Ryan, the other crazy southern liberal in the northeast, is a demanding bitch.

Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the communist party?

No. I believe in democracy. I also believe in Gotham City.

Also, have you heard about the joint anti-defamation lawsuit Thor has launched against Fabio and his hairdresser?

But...it's so fabulous! Just look at this picture from The Incredible Hulk Returns TV movie!

beaucoupkevin: I am seriously pondering a complete Millar boycott because of WOLVERINE.
beaucoupkevin: The one gay character in the MU?
beaucoupkevin: And they have to kill HIM?
anotherinternetfriend: Oh, come on. Namor is SOOOOOO gay.
anotherinternetfriend: But no, I hear you. More of Millar's latent right-wing nutsoidery coming to the fore.
beaucoupkevin: And I HATE THAT I LIKE THE ULTIMATES SO MUCH.
anotherinternetfriend: I bought the first three issues, and they are pretty. I don't think I'll be getting the next one, though.
beaucoupkevin: You read that Hulk trial issue?
anotherinternetfriend: I did.
beaucoupkevin: I told you.
anotherinternetfriend: I actually liked NEW AVENGERS better.
anotherinternetfriend: If they'd switch the art teams, I'd be in Marvel heaven.
beaucoupkevin: The blatant DEUS EX MACHINA and Bendis once again showing a huge conflict in flashback instead of unfolding in the present day put me off quite a lot.
anotherinternetfriend: And Captain Asshole put me off ULTIMATES again. So.
anotherinternetfriend: I want the Hulk to return just as Cap's serum wears off. A little role reversal would do that fascist bully some good.
beaucoupkevin: I dunno why this portrayal of Cap doesn't bother me.
anotherinternetfriend: It makes me WANT Millar to have someone assrape him.
anotherinternetfriend: Cap, not Millar (though the latter could probably use a dose just to get it out of his system).
anotherinternetfriend: "Ultimate-Ultron-Activated. Extending-Buggery-Unit-One."
beaucoupkevin: THIS IS MY MONITOR WHILE I AM FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS.
beaucoupkevin: Or better yet.
beaucoupkevin: THIS IS MY EMOTICON WHILE I AM FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS. >:-O
anotherinternetfriend: TH15 15 MY F4(3...

(Ask questions or I'll just repost conversations until the cows come home.)

You have another 36.5 hours to ask questions of me and win comics.

The scene is two people watching The Westminster Dog Show's final bit on USA. One of them says "For once, I'd like to hear them say something negative about a breed."

intarnet-fri3nd: "This breed hates you and everything you stand for!"
beaucoupkevin: "The Swastika on the back indicates a general distaste in what it considers inferior breeds..."
intarnet-fri3nd: "The saliva of this dog is deadly poison. Do not under any circumstances allow it to lick you or anyone you love."
beaucoupkevin: "It's rumored that Emperor Hirohito fed the concubines that displeased him to this breed, which has since been purged from the Japanese archipelago."
intarnet-fri3nd: lol
beaucoupkevin: Now LAW AND ORDER: THE BATMAN DIARIES is on.
intarnet-fri3nd: LAW AND ORDER: THE PRINCESS DIARIES.
beaucoupkevin: That's genius.
beaucoupkevin: "So...you're...a princess, right? And, how exactly did you...ascend to the throne?"
beaucoupkevin: Vinnie D leans in, blinks a few times, tilts head.
intarnet-fri3nd: "Also known as the Trouser Weasel, this dog is the Lothario of the canine world."
intarnet-fri3nd: Sorry, I'm still stuck on what I wish the dog show announcer would say.
beaucoupkevin: "Once the bitch kills her mate, the blood lust subsides. It's rare to see a male make it to the showdog level."
intarnet-fri3nd: I should really be collecting these.
intarnet-fri3nd: "This breed's coat is a layer of symbiotic fungus. The healthier specimen reeks like a week-old corpse."
beaucoupkevin: "Little known to many, the West Bumberfield Spaniel has actually been responsible for the shooting deaths of three hunters in the last decade. We give you The Rifle Spaniel!"

You ask questions, you might win comics!

Batch the first follows.

Doug wants to know who would win: Death of the Endless or the Black Racer?

Black Racer. He had skis and Kirby created him. C'mon. He's not only got transportation, but Kirby never created a character that was half-assed in their duty.

Jason pulls out a far-too-nerdy Planet Of The Apes reference: Lawgiver, who knows the future???

I do, you little jive-talking trollop. I do.

Hovy over at Trade Whore wants to know "If you could be a Bizarro, what would your Bizarro number be?"

I was going to go the hurhurhur route and say "69," but then the geek instincts kicked in and "42" popped up. Then there's "88," which is emblazoned upon many things related to Buckaroo Banzai, but I'd have to answer "99" for two reasons. The first is, of course, that it's got a certain sort of Silver Age Insanity sound to it (Bizarro 99 Am Super Double Plus Bad Bizarro!) and it's an almost-hidden KLF reference, which I am all for inserting whenever possible.

JustJenn just asks "Have you got it, do you get it, if so, how often?"

How can you expect to be taken seriously? Can you forgive her? What have I done to deserve this?

Isaac at Toner Mishap ponders something worthy of consideration.

Flight, I can understand. X-ray vision, super-strength, stretchiness, sure. Even invisiblity or archery prowess -- all of these powers make sense. But there have been a multitude of different "Human Torch" type characters, and though the fringe benefits powers (for instance, flight) granted to the hero are always great, it seems odd to me that one could wish for such a power. So what is the psychological explanation for the continuing appearance of super heroes who burst into flame?

This is where I quote Doug: fire is the ultimate cleanser. We all want a world that's bettered by our icons when we read our superhero books, correct? What's better than a burned-utterly-sterile surface in which we can be assured that the evil that was there has since been reduced to molecular ash?

Gwen wants to know: Can I get down one time?

You can get down and get deep.
I get deep,
I get deep,
I get deep,
I get deep,
I get deeper,
Into this thing,
And I pretend,
That they�re not there.

Alice, my favorite librarian, compliments Isaac on his excellence in questionitude and gives me a good one: Who is the better singer, Alison Moyet or Andy Bell? Show your work.

I presume you're relating this to their work with Mr Vincent Clarke, as they have both worked with him. Alison in Yaz/Yazoo and Andy in Erasure. I think Andy's got the better range - the low notes he hits in "You Surround Me" compared with the falsetto in "Tenderest Moments" and a bigger range of emotions, going from dreamy and ethereal in "Rock Me Gently" to Ultra Homo Disco Diva Go in "La Gloria." He gets my vote.

However, there's a quantitative difference in our sample base - Erasure just released their twelfth album while Yaz/Yazoo released two (2) total. Alison does have magnificent phrasing - her solo album Essex has my favorite solo song by her, "Whispering Your Name," which is a perfectly heartbreaking song in no small part due to her attention in letting a vowel carry just the extra bit required for listener sadness to be induced. I do think she suffers from Stevie Nicks Syndrome a bit - her range isn't that great, but unlike Nicks, she doesn't drive me up the wall with that awful nasal intonation.

One more to show you, then onto the texty portion of today's bloggery:

Thanks, Ren. I think. If I have nightmares, expect a loud phone call

Inspired by an odd near-interview with a comics personality¹, I once again throw this blog open to questions from you, the readers. As a bonus/incentive, there's a genuine prize for the person who asks the most interesting, thought provoking, funny, or arbitrarily-considered-worthy-query of me, your humble host. You can win the first three issues of JLA Classified, featuring Grant Morrison telling an insane tale (is there any other kind from him?) of Batman versus Gorilla Grodd while the JLA are trapped in another universe.

As far as rules go: I am the one person who gets to say what the greatest question is and any arguing will be met with a stern kick to the rear and possibly some comments about your parentage. This runs until 11:59PM on Wednesday, February 17th. Yup, just a few days this time, so get cracking. Ask in comments, I'll answer in the blog.

Oh, and FYI, you should read Ed Cunard's excellent look at blogging, reviewing, and comics journalism online because he managed to avoid the obligatory "Giant Sized" joke in the following bit:

Blogs are, by nature, biased--they're the opinions and thoughts of one (or a few) people. However, I don't think any blog is claiming to be anything but that, which is where the difference comes in. Sites generally seem to want some kind of authority--look at how they clamor to get quoted on comics and trades, or to nab "exclusive" interviews, which makes any accusation of bias more damaging than saying, "well, fuck, that Mike Sterling likes Swamp Thing so much, so of course he's going to slight Man-Thing because he's biased."

¹No, I won't go into any detail beyond that, even if you ask.

For Valentine's day, I give you the following three images.


This is for Christopher Butcher and any other slash fiends out there.

and


My TV Girlfriend, Katee Sackhoff.

and


My real-life, Boston-apartment-sharing girlfriend, Kristin.

Random Comics Notes:
Today, I read the shop's preview copy of Livewires #1. Adam Warren was the only writer to make me care about the much-maligned-for-a-reason Gen-13 and it's interesting to compare his technofetishism with Warren Ellis's. Where Ellis will make something like futurephones or other real-life technology the savior or motive plot element of something like Global Frequency, Adam Warren will break out something from the William Gibson School of Holy Shit That Sounds Amazing like "monomolecular mile-long diamond chains" as a toss-off. It goes to the side as soon as it's mentioned because Here Comes Another Insane Bit. I appreciate Warren's approach a lot more than Ellis's in some ways - he seems to get his geek on while never failing to provide requisite amounts of insanity in the style of one Mister G. Morrison.

Of course, I read superhero comics for something I can't get in the real world (which may be why Identity Rapin' And Murderin' Crisis was a fascinating exercise in pedantry for me), so the more over-the-top the better as long as there's some craft there. I also admire the fact that unlike something like Young Avengers or Amazing Fantasy, this seems determined to stands on its own while still using elements from the Marvel Universe, such as the technology behind the original Human Torch. Rick Mays keeps up to Warren's script quite ably - it's obvious they take the same cues from manga with their own unique, Western approach. Support this book if you want to watch Marvel remove their head from their ass and try different things. I hope that this gets Adam Warren more work with the big two - he's got something unique to offer and I think the audience is there for him if he gets the right push.

I glanced at that Wolverine #25 there with the killing of the person and I have this to say (highlight to read if you don't want to be spoilered): I guess if you're going to have your most kneejerk, murderous "hero" kill someone, it might as well be the gay X-man, right? Claremont would shit himself it were one of his women, the 9 people who like Gambit would write long, awful hate-filled rants that would be mailed to Marvel on the backs of playing cards, and it can't be any of the straight men - they're all locked into movie deals!

I also managed to finally get a look at the new Black Panther book. A lot of kerfuffle has been made over Reginald Hudlin's scripting the citizens of 5th Century Wakanda as speaking in current "street" slang and while it is more than a bit distracting, it's not as mind-boggingly awful as I'd hoped. Would it have killed Hudlin to call the Panther's homeland "The Wakizzle?" Really.

Mike at the shop was a real prince recently and secured me a copy of the 1978 Superman Vs Wonder Woman superhuge "treasury" edition comic. Let me tell you, I love the Jose Luis Garcia Lopez. He's a top-notch artist and his name, oh, it is so much of the fun to say. Decent enough story on this - it's World War II, Diana is upset over The Bomb (you know, the Atomic one), and this causes some conflict betwixt her and Superman and some other people and oh who cares, really? Explodo, Gerry Conway's bombastic scripting, glorious art in an oversized format? Well worth your shekels if you see it and the dealer's not charging more than $10-$15.

dailydailydailydaily thing
like tom&jerry thing
yeah
  drink
   drink
    drink
   and you go ping

(Yes, I am drinking and listening to Underworld.)

KP: vnv baby ishelping tyb pe
KP: cc c b f gv nf n
BeaucoupKevin: HI BABY.
KP: nm jm hjh bblhhh b
BeaucoupKevin: Best conversation I've had in months, sadly.

I never thought that I'd call
Superman or Batman lazy, but...

Meme-Hating, Hypocritical Mike Sterling points us to a burgeoning meme in which Alan David Doane and Fred Hembeck list their 100 favoritest things about this medium of comics that we all love, despite our infinite grousing. This is a fine idea, says me. Here we go. These are 100 things I love about comics, and it's just the beginning.

1. Jack Kirby.
2. Superman.
3. The Boondocks.
4. 1970s Marvel.
5. Jimmy Corrigan.
6. Charles Schulz
7. The Spider-Man cartoon theme.
8. "There are seven working defenses from this position. Three of them disarm with minimal contact. Three of them kill. One � hurts.�
9. Supreme by Alan Moore.
10. Scott Pilgrim by Bryan Lee O'Malley.
11. Preacher.
12. "Yes, father. I shall become...a bat."
13. Ed Cunard, Mike Sterling, Ian Brill, Dorian Wright, Chris Butcher, and all the other comics bloggers that I respect.
14. Lying In The Gutters over at CBR.
15. Comicazi, my shop and strange social hub in my life.
16. Love And Rockets.
17. Krypto!
18. Beppo!
19. Streaky!
20. Street Angel.
21. Historietas.
22. Marvelman / Miracleman.
23. Fantastic Four #51
24. Having a favorite letterer, just because you can. (Bob Lappan.)
25. Mark Evanier.
26. Will Eisner.
27. The New Gods.
28. Kyle Baker.
29. Scott Morse.
30. Top Shelf Productions.
31. Discount bins.
32. Watchmen.
33. 80 Page Giants.
34. "Stan Lee Presents..."
35. "#32 In A 32 Issue Limited Series"
36. Grant Morrison.
37. Howard Chaykin.
38. Two-Face.
39. eBay.
40. Conventions. (It's a love/hate thing, really.)
41. Bizarre Aliens in the Green Lantern Corps.
42. The first few years of Strangers In Paradise.
43. Stray Bullets.
44. Big Barda.
45. "Darkseid is."
46. Kid Koala.
47. Spider-Man 2.
48. The Hulk.
49. Short lived heroes inspired by music or pop culture.
50. Warren "Cranky" Ellis.
51. "Can U Dig It" by Pop Will Eat Itself.
52. Manga and Digest format books.
53. The Authority's first 12 issues.
54. Superman Vs Muhammed Ali.
55. "And, Lo, There Shall Be A Reckoning!"
56. Beta Ray Bill.
57. Adrian Tomine.
58. Supergirl.
59. Evan Dorkin!
60. "For The Man Who Has Everything" by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.
61. The "New Look" Wonder Woman inspired by Emma Peel.
62. New X-Men by Grant Morrison.
63. Teddy Kristiansen.
64. Madman.
65. Meanwhile..., Dick Giordano's column in 80s DC books.
66. ">Hh.<" (Grant Morrison's utterly Batman sound.)
67. Filipino Comics Artists.
68. Marvel's gloriously awful novels from the 70s.
69. Fred Hembeck!
70. Fanboy Rampage.
71. Julius Schwartz.
72. "A Mighty Marvel Masterpiece!"
73. Measles.
74. The DC Checkboard pattern from the 1960s.
75. Modesty Blaise.
76. Nexus.
77. Nightfist - he will hit you with his fist!
78. Jose Luis Garcia Lopez.
79. "Treasury" or Tabloid-sized comics.
80. Invasion!
81. J Jonah Jameson.
82. Atari Force.
83. Bendis/Maleev on Daredevil.
84. Roger Stern's Avengers.
85. Figuring out which inkers work with which pencillers.
86. Conversely, bitching about Vince Coletta's butchering Jack Kirby.
87. Steranko!
88. Giffen and DeMatteis on Justice League.
89. Archie Goodwin.
90. Walt Simonson.
91. Gen 13 written by Adam Warren.
92. X-Force and X-Statix.
93. Alex Toth.
94. Archie.
95. Carl Barks.
96. Elliot S! Maggin.
97. Frank Miller.
98. Wednesdays!
99. Giving comics to my friends, especially the unitiated.
100. DC's Star Trek volume 1, #13 - the first comic I ever bought with my own money.

I'm going to wax on a bit here in one of those wanky self-referential posts I abhor in the manner normally reserved for neoconservatives and people who smoke in subway stations. You can ignore it if you want; I shan't be offended or really care.

The jar pictured up there is Supergood Japanese Rice Stuff which Sarah introduced to me one day after ramen at the nice place in Porter Exchange. You put this on rice, see, and it makes the grain turn into something super tasty. A great way to boost the flavor on rice and turn what is a plain bowl of carbohydrate goodness into a veritable pleasure. This is, in fact, rather akin what she does to my life. Days are better when she's around and a few moments conversation with her usually do more than any amount of Vitamin B shots and sunshine. I've been pretty crummy of late in regards to meeting my commitments to her and this is a big old in-front-of-the-internet apology. I'm sorry I'm a jackass and you deserve better from me.

(Anyone else who feels that I owe them an apology can suck it right now. I know this is hypocritical considering how much I wax in a rhapsodic manner concerning exposing your personal life to the world at large. Once again, sucking it is advisable.)

Courtesy of Ren, who reads The Hollywood Reporter so I don't have to:
Fox Broadcasting Co. plans to shuffle its Sunday comedy lineup in May to make room for the addition of "American Dad" on May 1. As part of the schedule change, the network has opted to reduce the episode order on "Arrested Development," but the specifics still are being worked out. As of May 1, "American Dad" will slide into "Arrested's" 8:30 p.m. slot behind "The Simpsons." For the first three weeks of the month, "Dad" will be followed at 9 p.m. by another original "Simpsons" episode.

OK, so Arrested Development wins, I dunno, 8 million awards and garners decent ratings. It's getting more asses in seats than network staples like ABC's lame TGIF lineup and NBC's heavily promoted Medical Investigation. It even beats Family Guy, King Of The Hill, Malcolm In The Middle and Bernie Mac - all shows that Fox has supported (or decided to support again in the case of my pet hate, Family Guy.) It gets screwed.

TV executives - living up to the stereotype of idiots who don't get it. These are the same sort of people who put Enterprise up against Sci-Fi's ratings juggernaut lineup on Friday nights. Fox isn't going to beat Extreme Home Makeover over at ABC and they need to stop trying. There's no audience crossover, unless you think there's 8 people who might be interested in how Bluth Construction builds homes. They should promote what obviously has been working for them and find niches where their unfunny cartoon can beat things like Everwood and America's Next Top Model.

Ah, so this is how a Monday morning quarterback feels.

Your word of the day.

cockbling
Noun, (k�k bli[ng])
Definition: An attractive woman (or gay male) on the arm of an ugly man who is wealthy or perceived to have power in an industry.
Example: At Comicon, I saw Joe Quesada with a hot piece of cockbling.

Appropos of nothing:

Mark Millar's worst fear should be being caught in the elevator with me. I'd lean in, really close, and whisper "This is my face while I'm fucking you in the ass," as I slip on a pair of Hulk Hands.

Frank Miller has cast a long shadow over the Batman mythos, especially so since his collaboration with David Mazzucchelli, Batman: Year One debuted in 1987. Sure, The Dark Knight Returns came before and made a huge impact the previous year, along with Alan Moore's Watchmen, but it was the end of the story. With Year One, he redefined the origin of the hero and kick-started a whole new mini-industry of "Hey, let's talk about Batman when he was first doing this hero jazz!" Stories without Robin, without the yellow circle, without his Sci-Fi Closet came into vogue and everyone suddenly wanted to tell stories where Batman had an inner monologue and it was in cursive. Sadly, Sturgeon's law applied to these stories and even writers who were quite good normally weren't up to the task on the series set up specifically for these early-years tales, Legends of the Dark Knight. Denny O'Neill, most beloved by fans for his work with Neal Adams, turned out a yawner about shamen and this was followed up by Grant Morrison's Gothic, which made his turgid Arkham Asylum look downright brilliant, even with Klaus Janson doing his quite-nice job on art. This trend continued with only a few minor blips of note.

1999's Batman: The Long Halloween is the best thing that Jeph Loeb will ever write and Tim Sale drew his little heart out. Even if it's a Godfather pastiche, The Long Halloween has enough interesting plot turns and emotional beats to keep the reader engaged. You can, however, pretty much ignore the sequel Dark Victory, as only the art carries the day in this shabbily constructed non-mystery that would hint at the awfulness that was the ending to Loeb's Hush.

An underappreciated gem, Batman Annual #14 (from 1990) covers some of the same material as The Long Halloween in regards to Harvey Dent, but more explicitly recalls Year One with Andrew Helfer's using both Batman and Jim Gordon as narrators with art by Chris Sprouse that thematically reminds you of the down-to-earth tone taken by Mazzucchelli on Year One, even if the approaches are clearly very different. This story stands up strongly in its own right and its connections to Miller's story only enhance it, rewarding the reader by expanding upon the earlier work.

This brings us to Ed Brubaker and Doug Mahnke's The Man Who Laughs. With a cover that recalls the opening splash from the Joker's appearance in Batman #1 and a title borrowed from the silent classic featuring Conrad Veidt which inspired the Joker's look, the creators set a very high bar for themselves that they, surprisingly enough, reach easily enough.

Brubaker, I trust well enough. I was not a huge fan of his Detective or Batman runs for the most part and I can directly point the finger at needless crossovers and art that inspired me to give not more than a cursory glance beyond the first few issues on either title. I think his Gotham Noir novel with Sean Phillips was an interesting experiment that failed, but had enough chutzpah to keep me interested. His Catwoman work, however, was sublime enough to keep me interested until the unfortunate choice of Paul Gulacy as series artist made me run with my eyes covered. You don't go from Darwyn Cooke and similar artists to a professional past his prime that, frankly, makes Selina Kyle about as sexy as a Brillo pad and keep me interested. That's the double-edged sword with comics - bad artists can completely obliterate the work of writers and lift bad writers up to being acceptable. Sleeper has continued to impress me and his split title with Greg Rucka, Gotham Central, is my favorite book set in the DC Universe.

Mahnke's art normally fails to click with me - I find it a bit too grotesque, I think, but his work on this book is more readable than I've seen from him before. He takes the reader to the Gotham that Mazzucchelli and Miller designed while maintaining his unique perspective and slightly-askew "camera" work.

This is appropriate, considering that this book directly follows Year One. Gordon's still a captain, dealing with a police force that tries to shoot Batman on sight. Batman's learning how to deal with his mission, becoming more competent but still close to being overwhelmed when the first batch of homicides with grins set in with rigor mortis first appear. Of course, the readers know this is the work of what will be Batman's archenemy, but Brubaker still reveals things at a pace that lets you feel a genuine sense of suspense. What follows is a tribute to the first Joker stories as well as Miller's script for Year One - the psychopath sets deadlines through television and kills rich Gothamites, finally leading up a night where he announces he's going to murder Bruce Wayne and the mayor simultaneously. There's enough Clever Batman Moments, procedural police work, and character building to keep diehard bat-fans happy and letting the casual reader enjoy a well-told story that doesn't require an encyclopedic knowledge of the Batman mythos. Well worth the $7 price tag and can easily be said to be a more worthy sequel to Year One than the, frankly, dire Year Two and Year Three series.

Random blogging thoughts follow. This shouldn't be graded. This may offend people and I really don't care.

You probably notice that I have a LiveJournal feed linked over on the left side of my site. This is because of the vast number of LiveJournal people that I know who whine like bitches when they can't get automatic updates from my site, because bookmarking or using del.icio.us is akin to being beaten by six pipe-wielding thugs. I've been asked by several people if I have a LiveJournal account and when they're informed that I don't, have been told that I should get one so that I can read their secret posts.

If you're making secret posts and don't bother to tell me what's going on there without my reading it, then obviously, I'm not much of a friend to you. The internet is famous for bringing people together who never would have met otherwise. It's even responsible, in some ways, for my meeting Kristin (she was a customer at the Cybercafe in which I helped people with their fiddling computer issues.) It's given me quite a few people I'm proud to call my friends and has put me in touch with like-minded nerds across the planet with which I can share obsessions and mock the moronic.

I'm a blogger, but not a LiveJournaler. Why don't I use LiveJournal? The sense of false intimacy that the LJ system encourages is disconcerting to me. It's far too easy to declare someone a "friend" and then find out more than you wanted to about their day-to-day lives. This is, of course, the fault of people posting their innermost, super-private thoughts to groups of "friends" on the internet instead of shutting their goddamn traps. There's a reason that there are communities that celebrate the drama that occurs there - many people leave their lives open for trainwreck-style viewing and then whine like babies when they're mocked for their actions, which makes it all the more delightful to people who revel in this sort of thing.

And I don't want to hear "But I have to keep all my friends up to date on my life!" used as an argument. No, no you don't. People probably don't care about the minute details of your morning sojourn to the local package store for lottery tickets and beef jerky or the fact that you saw your ex-boyfriend ForeverKnightR0x0rz there who happens to be dating 36DDboobs4u who reads your LJ so you have to make a secret post so they don't know you saw that person and won't shiv you in the dark.

Frankly, if I've never met you or talked to you personally, I most likely don't want to read your innermost, darkest, super-secret thoughts. Sorry to tell you this, and sorry that you may feel slighted that I don't want to share my own deep-seated issues with alien abduction with you in a "secret" post that I'm pretty convinced that you're going to share with someone that I wouldn't want to have intimate knowledge of why Communion and Close Encounters Of The Third Kind make me break out in cold sweats. If you want me to know these things, tell me. Don't make me feel like I'm part of a crowd when you reveal that you get violent diarrhea whenever you see Every Which Way But Loose. This is the sort of thing that maybe you should keep to yourself anyway, eh?

There's no real point to this ranting, really. I just think that everybody should learn the mantra Shut The Fuck Up About Your Pointless Life unless they're approaching their real-life experience as a basis for writing - Hunter S Thompson, for instance, combines Journalism and What I Did With My Coked-Up Weekend to great effect. The person I most admire for this is Bad News Hughes, who makes me laugh and wince at the horrible, awful, miserable things that have happened to him or that he has inflicted upon others.

Of course, you can ask "Why does BeaucoupKevin blog? He prattles on and on about nothing to absolutely no effect." I blog because I write. The more I write, the more I blog. I call myself a "writer" when people ask what I do, and it feels right. It's part of my day-to-day job as an Internet Content Manager. I've been told that this site is funny and that's part of it - I like making people laugh or smile or think. I like engaging people on an intellectual level and I think that most people who use LiveJournal or blogger and document the minute details of their life are missing a great opportunity. Maybe I'm hypocritical because I believe that I offer more than SuperDude69 on LiveJournal when, in fact, I am far more annoying because I have a purpose in my writing and I fail.

I'd rather fail when trying to hit my goal a million times instead of writing a million things with no goal in mind.

Ugliest. Comic. Ever.
Busy with work today. Amuse thyself.

Hey, did you hear?

Superman is a dick. Courtesy of Scottobear, who turns 80 this week or something.

While I'm on the subject of fellow bloggers that should be linked (no, I wasn't, was I?), Sam Johnson dedicated his blog to me today because, thanks to a few pieces of advice on my part, he is now a Firefox and Ad-Aware user. I'm not a super technical guy outside of telling you how Warp Drive theoretically works , but if you're a Windows person and you don't have these tools in effect, you're screwing yourself over. Unfortunately, it's my fault that Sam's spyware count went up drastically - I linked to the Kramixer DJ tool site without imagining they'd use things that'd bite you on the ass if you're an IE user. I implore you to download and use these tools so that you're not out there in the open.

Oh, and in a moment of pure ego, here's a snapshot of what Sam wrote about me. His words are far kinder than I deserve, really. In the future, however, I will expect you all to dedicate your blogs to me, your nerd god.

What I want is a Superman story where we get Beppo The Super-Monkey into his shiny-new-no-fun-allowed continuity. Point of nerd trivia: yes, I say "New" when, in fact, it's nearly 20 years old and I really should just get over it, shouldn't I?

Anyway, with this no-fun-allowed-post-Byrne¹ continuity, we've had Krypto and Mxyzptlk² as part of the status quo for a while, so why not bring back Beppo? Figure this - Jor-El shot Beppo into space to make sure his starship design worked and through whatever reason, it didn't get to Earth quite as quickly. Beppo's ship lands somewhere, Superman (being who he is) happens to be randomly flying near the crash site, swoops down, opens the hatch, and goes "Oh, hey, a space Chimpanzee with the house of El logo on that handy blanket there!" He decides to reach into the pod to retrieve his new simian friend and...

...promptly gets his arm ripped off. You see, chimps normally have 5 to 7 times the strength of a regular adult male. Figure a few minutes under a nice yellow sun, that Kryptonian primate is going to have his way with just about anyone who resembles the fucker that put him in the spaceship and fired him into deep space. Once Superman's down, who's going to stand up to this freakish Space-chimp with a serious mean streak? Nobody! Beppo would be running the planet in about twenty minutes flat. He'll end up beating down the Justice League with Superman's severed arm and then ringing up Gorilla City, asking if they've got sturdy girl chimps for his lusty needs.

I'm thinking it's going to have to be a 9-part mini-series, huge crossover. Call it Space-Chimp: Saga, get Alex Ross to paint a cover or three, convince editors to have Beppo show up to terrorize the heroes in their own titles, maybe offing The Red Bee just to make sure that fans know we're doing serious comics art here.

DC, I'll be awaiting your email with bated breath.

Oh, and the cover I've linked at the top of this entry? You totally want to read that comic now, don't you?

¹98% of Hispanic women with blonde hair hate John Byrne.
²Yes, that's spelled right. No, I didn't have to look it up. Yes, I've known the touch of a woman.

Toner Mishap (which I really should permalink to) pointed me to this a while back and I neglected to link:


What if...something different flew through Bruce Wayne's
window that fateful night?

OK, so everyone else has to carry around a sign, but The Atom has a balloon? And wouldn't he have to worry about being blown away in a stiff breeze? (Yes, I thought about his density-changing belt. Yes, I am that nerdy.)

The local sports team won the big game last night and there were none of the following:

• Riots.
• Honking idiots.
• People being killed by "non-lethal" police weapons.
• "Woo!" and stupid public gatherings.

I'm both proud and disappointed, people. How am I supposed to keep up with the status of the game without news reports of cars being set aflame? It's not like I can watch more than 3 minutes of football without losing interest and playing with a piece of tin-foil in the corner. You people need to work with me. Help me so I can help you. Reports on the new show from Family Guy creator¹ Seth McFarlane indicate that it'll most likely die a quick death since nobody I know laughed at it.

¹"Creator" in as much as "Simpsons + King Of The Hill + Evil Baby + Talking Dog = NEW SHOW" is creation to some network executives. I loathe Family Guy, even when it makes jokes I should laugh at. I am an engine of hate and criticism.

Fuck me, this was the best comics week I've had in a while. Everyone else has written about them, but I have to say something or I lose my status as a comics blogger.

Yes, Seaguy is Morrison at his most abstract and curiously heartstring-pulling and Cameron Stewart is the only artist that could have pulled off what he needed.

The Couriers 03: The Ballad Of Johnny Funwrecker is a balls-out, nearly-impossible-to-film action movie in convenient comics format, just like the previous two books in the series and the one that kickstarted everything, Couscous Express. Wood's script is tight, full of wonderfully biting dialogue that reminds me of (but never mimics) Ellis's better bits and Rob G just beats the hell out of every page, managing to convey facial expression, body language, and action with detail enough to give the viewer a clear idea of what's going on and never confusing them with extraneous data. Nice one-off, and is a more-than-worthy prequel to a series that's not disappointed me yet.

As expected, Bizarro World is a mixed bag, but its rewards are surprisingly abundant. Highlights include a Legion story by "Abe Foreau" (Hi, Jordan Crane) and James Kolchaka, the indie super-team of Dylan Horrocks writing, Farel Dalrymple arting, and Paul Hornscheier coloring a surprisingly moving short story called "Dear Superman," Eddie Campbell and Paul Grist doing a Flash story with a really, really neat trick involved in the narration, and "The Break," Eric Drysdale and Tim Lane's refreshing look at the Justice League in their off hours. Evan Dorkin's all over this thing and everything he touches is pure gold, either in writing or art. I believe his attention to craft is woefully underappreciated because he does humor and makes it look easy, but creative layouts and scripting choices make him one of my favorite current creators. There's a few disappointments - Mike Doughty's writing on a story about Aquaman singing at an open-mike night left me cold even if Danny Hellman's art impressed me, for example. All in all, better than the first volume, as it doesn't have the overly long framing sequence and the people seemed to know what they were getting into more.

I've also given more money to the coffers of the Dorkin/Dyer household by purchasing the first volume of Slave Labor's Bill And Ted's Most EXcellent Comic Book reprints, but have yet to gaze upon the pages. Having read a few issues when it came out, I'm sure it'll entertain, if not inform and educate.

The same principle also applies for the new Essential volume of Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man. I love 70s Marvel in a clearly unhealthy, most likely deranged way. Whether the Essential moniker is earned on anything like this is certainly up for questioning, but I really don't care.

For some stupid reason, I'm also enjoying these Dark Horse books that BMW's sponsoring. This issue of The Hire is written by Bruce Campbell with art by Killian Plunkett. It's interesting to compare this with The Couriers because the approaches are vastly different to a similar idea (people on the run, cue explodo) and yet they're both entertaining. Campbell, as you expect, writes with a sardonic tone that's a tad bit too cute sometimes but manages to engage the reader as Plunkett does action sequences that are ridiculous, yet somehow plausible on the page.

It's somewhat embarassing to admit I'm reading an Image book based on the Spawn mythos, but Case Files: Sam And Twitch has managed give me yet another procedural comic to read when I can't stand the stuff on TV. Penned by everyone's favorite zombie guy, Steve Niles with some sort of input apparently given by Todd McFarlane, this is a nice little one-shot that explores Sam's history and gives readers who've enjoyed the book in the past an explanation for some of his behavior. As the previous arc (also drawn by the very able Paul Lee) explored some similar territory, and the arc before that got into Twitch's personal life quite heavily, I'd really appreciate a straightforward detective story next. Something about this book really appeals to me - regular series writer Marc Andreyko has kept me pulled into a world that I can't say I would care about otherwise and has followed Bendis's act in the first volume of the book quite handily. See also: he's working with guys whose art I like. Before the aforementioned Paul Lee, Scott Morse did the first arc, and I tend to rave wildly about him whenever possible. I don't know if we'll ever see trades of this, which is where the book would really flourish, racked next to stuff like Powers and Gotham Central. As it stands, I'm surprised it's not cancelled yet due to poor sales.

Oh, and not to give it short shrift, but c'mon, Jack Kirby doing Black Panther? You know you have to have it unless you're a mentally defective sort that probably shouldn't be allowed near comics shops, playgrounds, or knives. There's more mental ideas per issue of this than most modern comics crank out in a year or two. Even when he was "off," Kirby was more on than 99% of the other creators out there. More superlatives about Kirby available on request.

I think that's quite enough blah blah and confessional bits about comics I've liked this week.

So, I need a show of hands.

Who would have thought, 10 years ago, that the new Star Wars films would be sort of dodgy¹, a Star Trek series would be the victim of a recent cancellation, and a remake of the craptacular Battlestar Galactica would emerge to be the best science fiction show on television?

You lie. You didn't see it coming, either.

¹Each of these new films have bits I quite like - Episode I has Coruscant and fine martial-arts and swordplay business. Episode II has Yoda kicking ass, a more-than-decent land battle, and Sam Jackson being badass. I'm sure I'll like chunks of Episode III, but my enthusiasm is waning rapidly. I can't even be bothered to do my traditional geek thing of reading every goddamn Star Wars book that Lucas has his cadre crank out.

"I've become immune in a way, too. I have rhinoceros skin, but at the same time I'm human. So, anything can hurt like that, but I'm very strong."

So, Michael Jackson is either:
A. One of The Inhumans.¹
B. Doing cruel and unusual experimentation on himself and an animal.
C. Just plain freaky. Which can cover A and B.

¹Hey, Karen? You don't have to post about how stupid you think Lockjaw is. You've made your point of view on my favorite Inhuman clear on several dozen occasions. Doug, however, is free point to out the glory that is Karnak.

File Under: Bad Movie, Great Monologue.

You know what the problem with Hollywood is? They make shit. Unbelievable, unremarkable shit. Now I'm not some grungy wannabe filmmaker that's searching for existentialism through a haze of bong smoke or something . No, it's easy to pick apart bad acting, short-sighted directing, and a purely moronic stringing together of words that many of studios term as prose. No, I'm talking about the lack of realism. Realism. Not a pervasive element in today's modern American cinematic vision. Take Dog Day Afternoon for example. Arguably Pacino's best work, short of Scarface and Godfather Part One, of course. Masterpiece of directing, easily Lumet's best. The cinematography, the acting, the screenplay, all top notch. But they didn't push the envelope. Now what if in Dog Day, Sonny really wanted to get away with it? What if - now here's the tricky part - what if he started killing hostages right away? No mercy, no quarter. "Meet our demands or the pretty blond in the bellbottoms gets it in the back of the head." Bam, splat! "What, still no bus?" Come on. How many innocent victims splattered across the window would it take to have the city to reverse its policy on hostage situations? And this is 1976, there's no CNN, there's no CNBC, there's no Internet! Now, fast-forward to today. Present time, same situation. How quickly would the modern media make a frenzy over this? In a matter of hours, it would be the, the biggest story from Boston to Budapest. Ten hostages die. Twenty, thirty. Relentless, bam bim, one after another. All caught in hi-def, computer-enhanced, color-corrected. You can practically taste the brain-matter. All for what, a bus? A plane? A couple of million dollars that's federally insured? I don't think so. Just a thought. I mean, it's not within the realm of conventional cinema...but what if?

Outside of the soundtrack, a pair of overrated breasts, and this monologue, Swordfish is dreck of the highest order.

BoingBoing comes through again by pointing us to a piece on Big Little Books by James Lileks¹. Of course, I've seen these dozens of times and have been tempted to collect them, especially as they have nice big pictures. I like pictures, you see, as I am a simple man who wants nothing more than to see a chimp in a wig. Monkeys wearing false hair aside, the highlight of this piece is seeing The Fantastic Four portrayed in a manner that's quite possibly the worst I've seen outside of stories that feature H.E.R.B.I.E.². Spider-Man also pays the price of admittance into the Big Little Book annals, in weighty tome in which he battles a villain based on Astrology. There's also a few pages on Space Ghost, with a much better take on the character than the current "deadly serious" approach that DC is trying to use. Well worth your click-time.

¹Lileks, I have decided, is only funny about a third of the time. When he seems to think he's being funny is when he's at his worst. Humor being what it is, however, your mileage may vary wildly. I've just come to the realization that when someone says they're a humorist, they're usually trying to convince the audience and themselves that they're actually sort of funny.

²For those not familiar with H.E.R.B.I.E., he was a robot introduced in the New Fantastic Four cartoon to take the place of The Human Torch, as network executives were convinced that young tots would attempt to set themselves aflame in order imitate Johnny Storm. Through this logic, they should have replaced The Thing, for fear that children everywhere would attempt to encase themselves in concrete. Lileks also says that art on this FF book is by Jack Kirby, but it looks so lifeless that either A) Kirby didn't care, B) Vince Coletta inked it, or C) It's not Jack, but someone attempting to ape his style and failing. I suspect C.

My gay friends will now have to prove to me that they're
not part of this "Rainbow Doom" jazz.

From NPR's transcript, I give you The State Of The Union, By The Numbers.

"Freedom" was used 21 times.
"Social Security" was used 17 times.
"Terror" was used 15 times.
"Iraq" was used 14 times.
"Terrorists" was used 11 times.
"Economy" was used 11 times.
"Liberty" was used 7 times.
"Medical" was used 4 times in association with the words "error," "liability," and "research" twice.
"Afghanistan" was used 3 times.
"Health Care" was used 3 times.
"Weapons of Mass Destruction" was used once.
"Weapons of Mass Murder" was used once.
"Nuclear Weapons" was used once.
"Asbestos" was used once.
"Iran" was used once.
"Medical Care" was never used.

BeaucoupKevin In "Hey, Maybe I Was Wrong" Shocker!

I gotta say that it ain't my fault this time, bucky. Pete was kind enough to point out in the comments of this post about the Batman Begins soundtrack that Superhero Hype now is claiming that they've received word that the information received about the soundtrack may well be null and void after a "reliable source" contacted them and said "Metallica's management told me they're not involved. And they suck."

I may be making the second sentence up.

Jenn goes and memes me when I'm not looking.

1. Total amount of music files on your computer:
3GB at work, 4GB at home. I don't rip a fearsome amount of music, actually, as the stereo in the house is in the same room as the computer and, frankly, sounds a hell of a lot better. When the PC is moved into the new front room, then I'll look into a better sound card, etc.

2. The last CD you bought was:
See below. Don't you pay attention to these things?

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
"Little Bullet" by Spooky from CD3 of the set mentioned below.

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
"Miracles." by Pet Shop Boys.
"My Favorite Things" by John Coltrane.
"Jumbo" by Underworld.
"Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles.
"I Feel Love" by Donna Summer.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?
I want to see Chris Butcher, Mike Sterling, and Gwen do this next. Comment below if you are, eh?

The 10th Anniversary Super Disco Remastered Version of what I consider to be the best club mix ever¹ recently came out and, as I'm like that, I went and picked up Renaissance: The Mix Collection. My copy of the original absconded soon after I moved to the city, much to my chagrin and as copies have been going for over $100 on eBay, I figured I'd never get it again - I love the damn thing, but not that much. When it was announced there was going to be a re-release with better sound quality, etc, I was chuffed. This was a slab of not only clubbing history, but a big chunk of my personal musical development - melodic progressive house that showed a lot more warmth than Detroit² and never went into the pure cheese arena, where stuff like Urban Cookie Collective and Culture Beat duked it out for supremacy.

This re-release is something to be lauded, as it does offer a huge chunk of 90s dance music history in a great package with mixing by Sasha and Digweed that is scarily adept. My only real beef is the exclusion of the two M-People songs that, frankly, I loved more than was safe for a straight man. The Digweed remix of "Renaissance" closed off the first disc perfectly with a great vocal from Heather letting you know that her home was where the listener was, with the usual dance cliches going down far too smoothly thanks to the quality of the music. It's been replaced by an underappreciated OMD remix of their own "Stand Above Me." While the substitute still a good tune and mixed in perfectly, it doesn't wind down the disc and make a definitive statement like "Renaissance"

"How Can I Love You More" is supposed to open up CD3 and I don't care if Anthony White's "I Can't Forget You" is a great song handled well by the Fathers Of Sound - it just ain't supposed to be there. It's rather akin to all the digital faffery that George Lucas has engaged in with his Star Wars trilogy - Greedo didn't shoot first, or at the same time. You can't tell me otherwise.

These two alterations (I suspect record label wankery is the cause, if nothing else) are slight marks against what I consider to be an essential addition to anyone's collection if they like electronic music. Leftfield, Moby, Underworld (in their pre-MK2 Lemon Interrupt guise), Kym Mazelle, Fluke, Spooky, Age of Love, and many others all acquit themselves brilliantly and getting to hear two of the biggest and best DJs in their early years is a pleasure.

¹Best DJ Mix Ever award goes to Coldcut's beyond-superlative Journeys By DJ.
²I love the Motor City's techno heritage, but I can only listen to Hawtin, Acquaviva, and the other acid kings for about an hour or so without going a little tiny bit mental.

So, Superhero Hype has a little article (buried amongst the three thousand ads featured on each page) about the soundtrack to the much-anticipated Batman Begins. If you didn't know, the opening theme isn't going to be by Danny Elfman, John Williams, Howard Shore, or even the guys who are scoring the movie, Hans "Never Subtle" Zimmer and James Newton "I Can't Remember A Note He's Laid Down" Howard. It's a Green Day track, "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams."

OK, yes, it's a depressing, brooding song that sort of fits the whole "Batman" thing if you're 11 and think that Trent Reznor is the Poet Laureate...

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone¹

...but it just seems so lame. Outside of this particular slab of awfulness, there's going to be two new songs by the overly-nasal Billy Joe and his cronies as well as new material from the so-far-past-their-prime-they-measure-the-distance-in-light-years Metallica, Pearl Jam², Velvet Revolver³, Foo Fighters⁴, Audioslave⁵, and The Cure⁶.

When Prince did the 1989 Batman soundtrack, it seemed to work - the songs that made it into the movie were inserted fairly well and they suited the mood that Danny Elfman was creating with his score and Burton's unique take on how to direct. Christopher Nolan has called this a "dead serious" approach to our favorite son of Gotham, which is something that's going to be undermined by a past-its-sell-date song that was beaten to death by radio. It'd be like the Burton Batman flick featuring "Looking Down The Barrel Of A Gun" by the Beastie Boys. Yes, it's a song that would fit the mood by some extreme stretch of the imagination, but it's also a song that nails down a time and a place for the film.

When you use a song from the fall of 2004 in your Batman movie, you immediately set the film in that time in the minds of your viewers. This means that it'll be winceworthy in a decade or so, just like the disco singers in the first episode of Battlestar Galactica and just about every bar scene during the run of Buck Rogers In The 25th Century.

I still have high hopes for the movies, but the chubby geek in glasses with the hands over his ears during the opening credits? Yeah, that's me.

¹Did you know that in some songwriting circles, rhyming "known" and "alone" ends in a Julius Caesar style stabbing? See also: "changing" and "rearranging."
²Respect them for their politics and attempts to give the fans what they want with their ten zillion live CDs. Don't like their music at all.
³Yes, when I think "Batman," I think "Ear-Splittingly Awful Glam Rock Supergroup."
⁴Don't mind them, don't think they're that great. Dave Grohl's hilarious when he wants to be and unlike most rock stars, seems to be eager to collaborate and work with a lot of different bands just for the experience.
⁵Replace "Glam Rock Supergroup" from footnote 3 with "Derivative Noise Mess." I don't care if they were the enormously successful, signed-to-Sony Rage Against The Machine - that's a mark against them, if you ask me.
⁶OK, I like The Cure. Shut up.

Warren Ellis makes me snort in this bit from his Bad Signal mailing list:

I thought about writing CAPTAIN
BRITAIN once, but all I could see was
Captain Britain standing over a
badly-beaten Captain America,
fists covered in blood, saying "Get
out of my fucking country."

After checking out Charles LePage's "Here's what's shipping to that one store I go to" email, I found out that the comics companies are conspiring against me to create weeks like this.

Battle Royale Vol 11 GN, $9.99
Bizarro World HC, $29.95
Black Panther By Jack Kirby Vol 1 TPB, $19.99
BMW Films The Hire #2 (Of 6), $2.99
Couriers Vol 3: The Ballad Of Johnny Funwrecker GN, $12.95
Seaguy TPB, $9.95

I am singlehandedly saving the comics industry.

To top this off, I've a Modesty Blaise book and Essential Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider Man Volume 1 sitting in my box from the last couple of weeks.