Wednesday, March 01, 2006


So, there's this "Comic Shop Column" that Marvel has decided needs to be inserted into their Previews magazine. This is, unsurprisingly, just a big excuse to have some shop owner crow the latest offerings from Marvel to a narrow fanbase that has already, you know, spent the $.99 on the catalog already (or gotten it free when they paid $5 for Diamond Previews.) I've read this thing and, frankly, it was so stupid and insulting to the fans that it made me see a fair shade of red by the time I was done with Phil Boyle's "thoughts."
While this is hyperbolic and seems to equate "comics fans" with "Marvel comics buyers" a bit much, I can actually say "fair enough" to this sort of thing. It's the sort of hucksterism that Stan Lee used and that's just fine - this is Marvel, after all, and Joey Q's probably asked you to contribute something that'll get people talking. But I don't recall Stan or Roy Thomas or Marv Wolfman or Jim Shooter or Tom DeFalco ever actually going as far as the next paragraph...
Wait, are you telling me I should worry about your business, Phil Boyle?

While, yes, I would like to buy my comics from a local shop, I can go just about anywhere I please for them without any sort of guilt over you not being able to pay your bills, OK? In fact, I'm the sort of person that hates it when businesses start bringing their operating costs into the customer relationship. You don't worry about how I make the money to buy your comics and I don't worry about how much you pay for rent, OK? I think that's a fair exchange.

(Exception: If you write an entertaining blog about your business and don't get it inserted in the Marvel Previews, then I might care.)
If nobody in the small, vocal community of Marvel Comics Fans is talking about something, then that probably means that Marvel hasn't done their job and promoted the damned book properly, dude. They spend millions in marketing every quarter and if people aren't going "Hey, this looks interesting," then maybe, just maybe it's not. I mean, it's not enough they manage to get New York Times coverage and all, but fans are supposed to become street teams for fucking Ronan The Accuser?

You know, Mazda never has to beg people to tell their dealership to carry the cars. I'm just saying.
You know, if you're a Moon Knight fan and you won't shut the fuck up about him, keep away from me, you freak. Seriously.

I've got The Essential Moon Knight and we I can safely say that we really don't need any more regular series featuring the character. He should be safely relegated to one-shots, minis, and guest appearances, kind of like Dean Cain and the never-ending Lifetime movie parade. Some characters don't deserve to be revived on their own "merits."
Yes, because you know how you can get your friend who really dug Spider-Man 2 into the comics? Introduce them to The Other or, even better, Sins Past to make sure they know that (Marvel) comics aren't just for kids - they now have eyeballs getting ripped out and eaten along with some wonky sex between Peter's girlfriend and his greatest enemy! Wow, that's totally mature!
Again: the onus is on you, True Believer! Sure, you've already bought the catalog, read some promotional stuff on Marvel's website, and you're still not convinced that you want to make the commitment to something like X-Men: Fairy Tales without actually cracking the book open, but this means that you may never see it. Preorder and suck it up if you don't like it, fanboy! Show Mighty Marvel (and your local shop, which has bills to pay) how much you love them!

You know, only in the world of superhero comics are you told to preorder everything months in advance without getting more than a few pages of promotional art or whatever, unquestioningly. While creators certainly are more important than ever to promoting Marvel's books, it's amazing how much dreck they expect the fans to pick up because, you know, Spider-Woman's got big ol' titties.

If you need Phil Boyle to tell you to stick to your guns about what you like, then maybe you need to talk to a therapist. Sure, the world may not really need a Super-Skrull series, but if you get hot and bothered for the dude, then so be it. Like the creators you like, too. I mean, I can't imagine that anyone really is crazy about Mike Deodato's work, but if you've got half a brain and can tell me why you like besides "him make pretty draw me like," then you shouldn't be embarassed about it on the fucking internet. Stick to your guns, you wimp.

OK, I can't argue with "reading what you've paid for," honestly.
Equating Nova getting his own book to "great things happening in comics" makes me wonder if Phil's medications need to be adjusted. Also: what is it with this Moon Knight fetish, dude? Seriously.
I'm sure Phil really isn't the devil incarnate, but he sure does come across much more as a puppet than a human being with this piece. What I found most grating is the fact the entire piece seemed to exist in a world where everybody who reads Marvel Comics is a brain-damaged sort that needs to eat from a trough every day.

To Marvel, I say this: stop insulting your fans. They read the same stuff the shop owners see and they can make decisions on their own without you having to recruit a cheerleader with a not-hidden-at-all agenda. Look at your bottom lines and cut off the books that are only diluting your core titles and make those good again.