A Brief Overview Of A Very Stupid Video Game: Captain America and the Avengers - it's still better than Civil War.
The premise of the game is simple: the Red Skull
wants to fuck some shit up. He's like that.
So he calls up his boys and he's like
"Dollah dollah bills, y'all! /
Cash rulen der evereyzing arount mein!"1
Sadly for them, he ends up being more B.I.G than
Wu-Tang, and they walk into his giant hypnotizin'
machines like the chumps they are.
Really, why fight good guys yourself when you
can send uh...the Living Laser in a really
ugly costume in your stead?
Man, fair consideration to Frazer Irving for that
particular redesign.
Like, who else was going to do this? The name of the
game is Captain America And The Avengers.
It's not like Spider-Man or Wolverine or Luke Cage or...
...damn you, Bendis!
Not only do you, the player, get to be the cool
Freaky Ghost version of The Vision, there's posters
of the Avengers lining the streets, almost as
if people were operating under the assumption there
was going to be a parade instead of an outbreak of
heinous villainy. Or maybe the Avengers have taken
over and it's now a Stalinist state.
Somewhere, Joe Quesada is taking notes, I just know it.
That Tony Stark, he used to be such a polite young man.
I could make two jokes here. One involves Mexican
food from the future. The other is a really unpleasant
Fleshlight-related zinger that will make everyone
very uncomfortable with the Iron Man character
for quite some time.
Christ, Red Skull. Ease up on the 'roids. Your
neck is thicker than most redwoods I've seen.
Hawkeye: fires arrows.
The Juggernaut: is unstoppable, bitch.
Advantage: Juggernaut.
1The C.R.E.A.M joke is courtesy of Chris Sims.
