We need to talk.
An Open Letter To Comics Fans, inspired by Joel Johnson.
First of all, I want to say this: comics fucking rock. As a medium, they're unbeatable; you've got storytelling that, when applied properly, puts cinema and prose to shame. Can you imagine trying to pull off something like Alan Moore's Swamp Thing on screen or just using words on a page? It'd never work. Maybe experimental theater could manage it, but who wants to really watch them try that? There's no such thing as a special effects budget on the comic page, and there's no set format - you can do a one-panel horror piece or a 3,000 page science fiction epic - it's up to the creator.
And maybe that's exactly why I'm just so fucking pissed off at the majority of you out there. You are the reason so many of them suck. Yes, you - you're getting the books you deserve.
You complain about the ads in Marvel and DC pamphlets, yet you buy them each and every month instead of waiting for the trade. You complain about how delayed Civil War is, yet buy every quickie cash-in to reward the publisher for their lateness. You bitch about how expensive comics are, but when Marvel and DC raised the cost of a regular 22-page pamphlet to $3, you just kept on picking them up without hesitation. You worry and fret about the future of the medium, you say that there's not enough kids reading comics, then you support superhero comics that are cheap hybrid knockoffs of NYPD Blue and Desperate Housewives that feature content I'd not hand to any kid not currently in high school.
And you say it's their fault for making shitty comic books. You say they owe you. Guess what - Marvel and DC owe you absolutely nothing. Time to look that cold, hard publishing fact in the face. Marvel and DC owe their parent corporations and stockholders something - you, they owe nothing at all to. That's why they do crossovers with the maximum number of tie-in issues possible and why they overcharge for ad-filled singles. They don't care about you. Yes, creators may give a shit what you think. Editors may be concerned when fans raise their hands and wonder why we're suddenly being introduced to Wolverine's x-treme son with super-claw action. When it gets higher than that, though, it's about one thing: the bottom line. As long as you're buying the damn books, they don't care if it's 22 pages of Wolverine date-raping Foggy Nelson.
You, the fan, say you feel entitled to good stories. You say you want to see characters you like being honored and handled with respect. You say that while fawning over every bullshit press release spewed onto Newsarama and CBR. You say that while picking up Wizard magazine and its collection of deep-tissue massages disguised as articles. You wonder why there are no surprises any more when you spend your time spoiling them yourself. Stop doing it. Stop spending time and money ruining things for yourself if you're really enjoying a comic
It's OK to walk away from books you're not enjoying. Nobody will get their feelings hurt and by freeing up the money, maybe you can invest in a title you do enjoy. So what if you've been reading Uncanny X-Men since 1986 - if you're not enjoying it, then stop paying for it. Your dollar is the most powerful voting tool you have for editorial change at Marvel and DC. You wonder why things never change while spending your money on the same crap week after week, month after month, year after year. If you don't like something, you don't have to - and you shouldn't - buy it. I encourage you to think about what you spend your money on and value your time more than your collection. If you're thinking too many comics are being written for the trade paperback, then wait for the trade. Don't buy monthly issues that don't give you enough content - I'm pretty sure that Ultimate Spider-Man is going to get published without your $2.99 and it'll be much better when you get to read it in a large chunk.
You complain when your beloved comics properties are adapted into a bad movie. If you really thought Elektra was going to be any good and worthy of a full-price theatrical ticket, then it's time to visit a doctor and get a basic IQ test. If you didn't like Fantastic Four, wait until the reviews are in for the upcoming Fantastic Four 2 instead of seeing it opening night. Oh, by the way, I think that when it comes to a movie adaptation of a comic, you can trust a movie reviewer who's unfamiliar with the source material. Why's that? Their job is to review the damn movies, not obsess over the fact that they've changed the way that Clark Kent parts his hair. Movies and comics are completely different media.
While I'm at it, if you're getting excited over Watchmen as a two-hour movie, then go fuck yourself. No, really, go ahead and do it now - I'll wait. Superhero comics have their very own Finnegans Wake and The Crying of Lot 49 rolled into one, beautiful piece of work and you want to see it raped and reduced to a 120-minute running time? What the hell is wrong with you? Support the medium, not the bastardization thereof.
As it stands, big-label comics are more and more about fanservice and nursing the existing market. What happens when everybody gets fed up with it? What happens when, suddenly, the bottom drops out of the business because nobody wants to read about Emo Cutter Speedball or see another b-level character get fed into the wood-chipper that is the plot for an event that promises to change everything forever - again? If you don't want to see these things now, stop buying them. If you don't want to see these things in the future, stop buying them now. If you're tired of late books - don't buy late books! Punish Marvel and DC for being unable to meet the very basic commitment they've made with their readership.
Books like Civil War bring in a few curious onlookers thanks to coverage by NPR and the like, but do they ever stick around? No - they want to read the whole thing in one package instead of being told by the staff at their local shop that to get more of that story, they'll need to come back in six weeks, maybe eight. Stop thinking these things are gateway comics in any way, shape, form or fashion. That notion, really, is a ridiculous one for spandex fanboys to cling to. A real gateway comic is something like Persepolis or Fun Home - not a limited, continuity-heavy, crossover-packed series featuring people in spandex crying because that's what "adults" do. Don't even get me started on the "real" attention that a lackluster adaptation of a Stephen King novel means for the business. Do you honestly think that anybody read the first issue of The Dark Tower and said to themselves "You know what, I bet that Peter David guy writes some other good comic books?" or "Wow, this Marvel Comics seems to have their shit together! They must publish a broad variety of graphic novels!"
If these people exist, they're going to be sorely disappointed. This is, for the record, not to slight Peter David in the slightest; it's just that he's not Stephen King and Marvel is not offering much variety to readers who aren't interested in superheroes, at least not through their trade program. I've heard stories of people at library conventions getting copies of various DC black-and-white reprints or galleys for upcoming books in the Vertigo and Minx lines while Marvel hands out stickered copies of Ultimate Iron Man #1. Sure, the Dabel brothers are bringing in some fantasy and softcore vampire porn readers, but I find it really unlikely that Marvel is going to nurture that cash cow too much when they've got to get Foolkiller greenlit.
I'm going to put it plainly: you're killing the superhero comic because of your idiotic devotion. I can't say that I necessarily think of that as a bad thing, with the business being in the state it's in. I know that I've already got six decades of superhero stories to read at my leisure. I don't need any more JSA stories to come out, just like I don't need any more Thin Man movies.
Stop dropping cash on books that don't entertain you and find some that do. I dare you, this week, to look at your pull list and cross off everything you're not enjoying. It's not hard; it takes maybe ten minutes of your time and you'll find yourself able to spend money on new things: new titles or books that you've held off on buying. They may entertain you and all you're losing the money you would have sunk into something you weren't enjoying anyway. If you love superhero comics, stop supporting shitty superhero comics. If you love comics in general, start supporting better comics.
Thank you for your eyeballs.
First of all, I want to say this: comics fucking rock. As a medium, they're unbeatable; you've got storytelling that, when applied properly, puts cinema and prose to shame. Can you imagine trying to pull off something like Alan Moore's Swamp Thing on screen or just using words on a page? It'd never work. Maybe experimental theater could manage it, but who wants to really watch them try that? There's no such thing as a special effects budget on the comic page, and there's no set format - you can do a one-panel horror piece or a 3,000 page science fiction epic - it's up to the creator.
And maybe that's exactly why I'm just so fucking pissed off at the majority of you out there. You are the reason so many of them suck. Yes, you - you're getting the books you deserve.
You complain about the ads in Marvel and DC pamphlets, yet you buy them each and every month instead of waiting for the trade. You complain about how delayed Civil War is, yet buy every quickie cash-in to reward the publisher for their lateness. You bitch about how expensive comics are, but when Marvel and DC raised the cost of a regular 22-page pamphlet to $3, you just kept on picking them up without hesitation. You worry and fret about the future of the medium, you say that there's not enough kids reading comics, then you support superhero comics that are cheap hybrid knockoffs of NYPD Blue and Desperate Housewives that feature content I'd not hand to any kid not currently in high school.
And you say it's their fault for making shitty comic books. You say they owe you. Guess what - Marvel and DC owe you absolutely nothing. Time to look that cold, hard publishing fact in the face. Marvel and DC owe their parent corporations and stockholders something - you, they owe nothing at all to. That's why they do crossovers with the maximum number of tie-in issues possible and why they overcharge for ad-filled singles. They don't care about you. Yes, creators may give a shit what you think. Editors may be concerned when fans raise their hands and wonder why we're suddenly being introduced to Wolverine's x-treme son with super-claw action. When it gets higher than that, though, it's about one thing: the bottom line. As long as you're buying the damn books, they don't care if it's 22 pages of Wolverine date-raping Foggy Nelson.
You, the fan, say you feel entitled to good stories. You say you want to see characters you like being honored and handled with respect. You say that while fawning over every bullshit press release spewed onto Newsarama and CBR. You say that while picking up Wizard magazine and its collection of deep-tissue massages disguised as articles. You wonder why there are no surprises any more when you spend your time spoiling them yourself. Stop doing it. Stop spending time and money ruining things for yourself if you're really enjoying a comic
It's OK to walk away from books you're not enjoying. Nobody will get their feelings hurt and by freeing up the money, maybe you can invest in a title you do enjoy. So what if you've been reading Uncanny X-Men since 1986 - if you're not enjoying it, then stop paying for it. Your dollar is the most powerful voting tool you have for editorial change at Marvel and DC. You wonder why things never change while spending your money on the same crap week after week, month after month, year after year. If you don't like something, you don't have to - and you shouldn't - buy it. I encourage you to think about what you spend your money on and value your time more than your collection. If you're thinking too many comics are being written for the trade paperback, then wait for the trade. Don't buy monthly issues that don't give you enough content - I'm pretty sure that Ultimate Spider-Man is going to get published without your $2.99 and it'll be much better when you get to read it in a large chunk.
You complain when your beloved comics properties are adapted into a bad movie. If you really thought Elektra was going to be any good and worthy of a full-price theatrical ticket, then it's time to visit a doctor and get a basic IQ test. If you didn't like Fantastic Four, wait until the reviews are in for the upcoming Fantastic Four 2 instead of seeing it opening night. Oh, by the way, I think that when it comes to a movie adaptation of a comic, you can trust a movie reviewer who's unfamiliar with the source material. Why's that? Their job is to review the damn movies, not obsess over the fact that they've changed the way that Clark Kent parts his hair. Movies and comics are completely different media.
While I'm at it, if you're getting excited over Watchmen as a two-hour movie, then go fuck yourself. No, really, go ahead and do it now - I'll wait. Superhero comics have their very own Finnegans Wake and The Crying of Lot 49 rolled into one, beautiful piece of work and you want to see it raped and reduced to a 120-minute running time? What the hell is wrong with you? Support the medium, not the bastardization thereof.
As it stands, big-label comics are more and more about fanservice and nursing the existing market. What happens when everybody gets fed up with it? What happens when, suddenly, the bottom drops out of the business because nobody wants to read about Emo Cutter Speedball or see another b-level character get fed into the wood-chipper that is the plot for an event that promises to change everything forever - again? If you don't want to see these things now, stop buying them. If you don't want to see these things in the future, stop buying them now. If you're tired of late books - don't buy late books! Punish Marvel and DC for being unable to meet the very basic commitment they've made with their readership.
Books like Civil War bring in a few curious onlookers thanks to coverage by NPR and the like, but do they ever stick around? No - they want to read the whole thing in one package instead of being told by the staff at their local shop that to get more of that story, they'll need to come back in six weeks, maybe eight. Stop thinking these things are gateway comics in any way, shape, form or fashion. That notion, really, is a ridiculous one for spandex fanboys to cling to. A real gateway comic is something like Persepolis or Fun Home - not a limited, continuity-heavy, crossover-packed series featuring people in spandex crying because that's what "adults" do. Don't even get me started on the "real" attention that a lackluster adaptation of a Stephen King novel means for the business. Do you honestly think that anybody read the first issue of The Dark Tower and said to themselves "You know what, I bet that Peter David guy writes some other good comic books?" or "Wow, this Marvel Comics seems to have their shit together! They must publish a broad variety of graphic novels!"
If these people exist, they're going to be sorely disappointed. This is, for the record, not to slight Peter David in the slightest; it's just that he's not Stephen King and Marvel is not offering much variety to readers who aren't interested in superheroes, at least not through their trade program. I've heard stories of people at library conventions getting copies of various DC black-and-white reprints or galleys for upcoming books in the Vertigo and Minx lines while Marvel hands out stickered copies of Ultimate Iron Man #1. Sure, the Dabel brothers are bringing in some fantasy and softcore vampire porn readers, but I find it really unlikely that Marvel is going to nurture that cash cow too much when they've got to get Foolkiller greenlit.
I'm going to put it plainly: you're killing the superhero comic because of your idiotic devotion. I can't say that I necessarily think of that as a bad thing, with the business being in the state it's in. I know that I've already got six decades of superhero stories to read at my leisure. I don't need any more JSA stories to come out, just like I don't need any more Thin Man movies.
Stop dropping cash on books that don't entertain you and find some that do. I dare you, this week, to look at your pull list and cross off everything you're not enjoying. It's not hard; it takes maybe ten minutes of your time and you'll find yourself able to spend money on new things: new titles or books that you've held off on buying. They may entertain you and all you're losing the money you would have sunk into something you weren't enjoying anyway. If you love superhero comics, stop supporting shitty superhero comics. If you love comics in general, start supporting better comics.
Thank you for your eyeballs.
