Who Reviews The Reviewers: Bitching About Comic Buyer's Guide
I occasionally get a chance to read Comics Buyer's Guide at no cost to me other than the time involved and the heartburn induced. I thought it'd be interesting to look at the four main comics review sections of the magazine and consider what's on offer.
Tony's Tips
In this column, CBG fixture Tony Isabella "reviews" various things that can vaguely be considered "comics-y" using a scale from 1 to 5 "Tonys". This pick-and-mix approach means this month's column includes a new young adult novel and a pulp reprint.
You know, sort of like this blog. Oops.
Single-Issue Reviews by "The Review Crew"
These are, without exception, from The Big 3: Marvel, DC, and Image, written by a group of twelve men and a single woman - senior editor Maggie Thompson. This month (and most months, from what I've observed), there's a fairly large blip in the distribution of star ratings. Let's see if you can find it.
The O'Brien Factor
Much like Tony Isabella's column, Karen O'Brien talks about whatever hoves into her view that could theoretically be of interest to the sort of people that pick up CBG for its titular (stop snickering) guidance. This time there's a first issue of a Hellboy spinoff, a done-in-one Oni graphic novel, a pulp reprint, and one of the EC archives.
Tour of the Indies
I was going to give this section some credit for having the sheer chutzpah to give the Se7en tie-in comic four stars, but then I read Tony DiGerolamo's review of Tarot #43.
This particular issue of the creator-owned series features, in case you didn't know (and why should you,) the chapter in which Tarot gets raped until she likes it. This is the issue that caused Chris Sims to consider dropping the title, and when Sims is thinking that he doesn't want to read your comic about the Devil-Witch-Woman with the big boobies anymore, you've just screwed the proverbial pooch that was your market share.
DiGerolamo conveniently neglects to mention this particular aspect of the comic at hand, instead choosing to write: "If you like good art, check this out, but it'd be more fun to have it combined with a good script."
To this bit of toothless, insipid blather I write: "If you like decently-chosen fonts and a readable page layout, check this out, but it'd be more enjoyable if DiGerolamo actually reviewed the damn comic."
Bound for Glory
The final medium-centric reviews section of Comic Buyer's Guide focuses on trade collections and (apparently) Buffy and Battlestar Galactica novels. Now, at this point, I'd be willing to bet that you can pretty much figure out how the pieces fit together, but I'll go ahead and do a bullet-point list for your convenience:
Now please, don't get me wrong. I love me some Invaders and my respect for Roger Stern is well known among certain circles, but having the audacity to say that a Shooter-written Valiant comic is only a half-star less-good than a seminal masterwork by one of the true greats? That fills my (rather ample) belly with the hate that hate made.
Star rating systems are the lowest common denominator in reviews. Yes, they give non-readers something to glance at to make a snap judgment, but what's the point of a review if it's not being read? Of course, complaining about the EZ-Glance System Of Reviews means completely putting aside the fact that much of the commentary mentions the age-inappropriateness of the reviewed material or discusses legacy corporate-owned characters with a heightened sense of entitlement.
You know, it appears that there might actually be a master plan in place. With the writers rarely, if ever, engaging the material in any meaningful way, it's a near-sure bet that just glancing at non-granular statistics is the best way to approach what Comic Buyer's Guide considers reviews.
Tony's Tips
In this column, CBG fixture Tony Isabella "reviews" various things that can vaguely be considered "comics-y" using a scale from 1 to 5 "Tonys". This pick-and-mix approach means this month's column includes a new young adult novel and a pulp reprint.
- The Shadow #9 - 5 "Tonys"
- Ode to Kirihito - 5 "Tonys"
- Arf Forum - 4 "Tonys"
- Teen, Inc. - 4 "Tonys"
- John Romita...All That Jazz - 5 "Tonys"
- Showcase Presents The War That Time Forgot - 4 "Tonys"
- Squadron Supreme: Hyperion vs Nighthawk - 5 "Tonys"
- Spider-Girl Presents The Buzz & Darkdevil - 4 "Tonys"
You know, sort of like this blog. Oops.
Single-Issue Reviews by "The Review Crew"
These are, without exception, from The Big 3: Marvel, DC, and Image, written by a group of twelve men and a single woman - senior editor Maggie Thompson. This month (and most months, from what I've observed), there's a fairly large blip in the distribution of star ratings. Let's see if you can find it.
- Detective Comics #833 - 4 Stars
- Marvel Adventures: Hulk #1 - 3.5 Stars
- Killing Girl #1 - 2.5 Stars
- Action Comics #850 - 3 Stars
- Archie Digest #236 - 3 Stars
- Batman #666 - 3 Stars
- Fantastic Four #s545 & 546 - 1 Star (Counted as a single review)
- All-Star Batman & Robin The Boy Wonder #6 - 1 Star (Indicating there's a carbon monoxide leak somewhere in the Krause Publications building.)
- Nightwing Annual #2 - 2.5 Stars
- Creature from the Depths - 3 Stars
- New Avengers: Illuminati #3 - 0 Stars
- Fables #59 - 3 Stars
- Superman #665 - 3 Stars
- All-Flash #1 - 3 Stars
- Veronica #182 - 2 Stars
The O'Brien Factor
Much like Tony Isabella's column, Karen O'Brien talks about whatever hoves into her view that could theoretically be of interest to the sort of people that pick up CBG for its titular (stop snickering) guidance. This time there's a first issue of a Hellboy spinoff, a done-in-one Oni graphic novel, a pulp reprint, and one of the EC archives.
- Lobster Johnson: The Iron Prometheus #1 - 3.5 Stars
- Kill Now, Pay Later - 3 Stars
- Shenanigans - 3 Stars
- EC Archives: Two-Fisted Tales Volume 2 - 4 Stars
Tour of the Indies
I was going to give this section some credit for having the sheer chutzpah to give the Se7en tie-in comic four stars, but then I read Tony DiGerolamo's review of Tarot #43.
This particular issue of the creator-owned series features, in case you didn't know (and why should you,) the chapter in which Tarot gets raped until she likes it. This is the issue that caused Chris Sims to consider dropping the title, and when Sims is thinking that he doesn't want to read your comic about the Devil-Witch-Woman with the big boobies anymore, you've just screwed the proverbial pooch that was your market share.
DiGerolamo conveniently neglects to mention this particular aspect of the comic at hand, instead choosing to write: "If you like good art, check this out, but it'd be more fun to have it combined with a good script."
To this bit of toothless, insipid blather I write: "If you like decently-chosen fonts and a readable page layout, check this out, but it'd be more enjoyable if DiGerolamo actually reviewed the damn comic."
Bound for Glory
The final medium-centric reviews section of Comic Buyer's Guide focuses on trade collections and (apparently) Buffy and Battlestar Galactica novels. Now, at this point, I'd be willing to bet that you can pretty much figure out how the pieces fit together, but I'll go ahead and do a bullet-point list for your convenience:
- Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend - 4 Stars (Color me surprised that they'd give a Winsor McCay collection the highest possible rating. It's goddamn Winsor McCay. Giving an oversized, deluxe collection of the medium's forefather's most deserving works the highest possible rating is like saying that Bill Shakespeare may have been onto something with that whole "creating the modern English-language drama" thing.)
- Spider-Man Visionaries: Roger Stern Volume 1 - 3.5 stars
- The Nightmare Factory - 3 stars
- Captain America: Civil War - 3.5 Stars
- Harbinger: The Beginning - 3.5 Stars
- Invaders Classics Volume 1 - 3 Stars
- Battlestar Galactica: Unity - 3 Stars
- Japanese Schoolgirl Inferno - 3 Stars
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Go Ask Malice - 3 stars (That is the sort of pun that makes me consider calling up Ted Nugent and seeing if he's up for going after the most dangerous game.)
- The Ancient Book of Myth And War - 3 Stars
- True Story, Swear To God Volume 1 - 3 Stars
- Essential Silver Surfer Volume 2 - 3 Stars
Now please, don't get me wrong. I love me some Invaders and my respect for Roger Stern is well known among certain circles, but having the audacity to say that a Shooter-written Valiant comic is only a half-star less-good than a seminal masterwork by one of the true greats? That fills my (rather ample) belly with the hate that hate made.
Star rating systems are the lowest common denominator in reviews. Yes, they give non-readers something to glance at to make a snap judgment, but what's the point of a review if it's not being read? Of course, complaining about the EZ-Glance System Of Reviews means completely putting aside the fact that much of the commentary mentions the age-inappropriateness of the reviewed material or discusses legacy corporate-owned characters with a heightened sense of entitlement.
You know, it appears that there might actually be a master plan in place. With the writers rarely, if ever, engaging the material in any meaningful way, it's a near-sure bet that just glancing at non-granular statistics is the best way to approach what Comic Buyer's Guide considers reviews.
