Oh, the Diamond shipping list is up finally. Let’s rock this joint.
Your “Shit That’s Killing Comics” list for the week of June 2, 2005
JAN050111 KOTOBUKIYA CHEWBACCA SOFT VINYL MODEL KIT $99.99
MAR050085 KOTOBUKIYA SCOUT TROOPER SOFT VINYL MODEL KIT $99.99
I actually know somebody who buys these and he’s a handsome, dapper fellow with a quick wit and the ability to get kisses from many, many women. We call him “The Exception That Proves The Rule.”
MAR050358 BATMAN BEGINS CHRISTIAN BALE AS BATMAN BUST $45.00
MAR050361 BATMAN BEGINS KEN WATANABE RAS AL GHUL MINI STATUE $29.99
Bat-merch. I hope that this stuff doesn’t sell at all and they have to do some kind of deep discount to clear their warehouse, because who doesn’t want a little Ken Watanabe around the house? Really.
FEB051590 IMAGINARIES CVR A MILLER #2 (OF 4) $2.95
FEB051591 IMAGINARIES CVR B TITUS #2 (OF 4) $2.95
Oh, Image. You frustrate me so much by trying out new titles and doing OGNs that are decent a good deal of the time, and then your marketing department, hopped up on Liquid Paper fumes, decides something like this is going to mean twice the sales, but it never does, does it?
APR051867 HOUSE OF M #1 (OF 8) $2.99
JAN058160 HOUSE OF M QUESADA VARIANT COVER #1 (OF 8) $2.99
I am biting my tongue on Quesada crapping out yet another ugly-ass variant cover when he should be worried about his own damned deadlines first. Aren’t you proud of me?
FEB052486 10TH MUSE VOL 2 PHOTO CVR FOIL ED SGN #1 $29.99
Hey, hey, Alias! How’s it going with your 9 comics all launched at once? I know that we only ordered three or four of each one and they are still sitting on the goddamn shelf, even at a mere 75 centavos each! I know this photo cover, with the nice shiny foil, signed by…Cindy Margolis…what…the? I mean, who is actually attracted to Cindy Margolis, who claims to be the most-downloaded woman on the internets? Who cares enough to buy a comic that she’s written her name on, like a big girl? Oh, and your company’s logo looks way too similar to Palisades Toys’ own.
FEB052748 DARKSTALKERS ALVIN LEE CVR A #6 $2.95
FEB052750 DARKSTALKERS ARN CVR C POWER FOIL #6 PI
FEB052749 DARKSTALKERS SKOTTIE YOUNG CVR B #6 $2.95
My New Crappy-Ass Fighting Comic Is Unstoppable. And it has multiple covers.
APR052870 DF BATMAN SGN #625 $19.99
APR052871 DF DAREDEVIL FATHER SGN #1 $29.99
APR052872 DF GREEN LANTERN REBIRTH JOHNS SGN #1 $19.95
FEB052804 DF JLA CLASSIFIED VARIANT CVR #1 REMARKED $69.99
FEB052803 DF JLA CLASSIFIED VARIANT CVR #1 SGN $19.99
APR052869 DF LEGION OF SUPER HEROES #1 SGN $19.99
MAR052841 DF MONSTER WAR DRACULA DOMINATING EYE FOIL CVR #1 $14.99
DEC042592 DF SUPERMAN BATMAN #18 SGN $29.99
[INSERT RUDE COMMENT ABOUT SPECULATING ASSHOLE FANBOYS HERE. ALLUDE TO THEIR QUESTIONABLE PARENTAGE.]
MAR052770 FATHOM PRELUDE HIGH END LEE CVR #1 PI
1) You’re buying a Michael Turner comic that’s a ton of suck. Some would even say God giving him cancer is some kind of sign, but I am not one of those people, as I do not wish cancer on anyone, even if I am a bit of a prick.
2) “High End Lee CVR?” If a Jae Lee cover is “high end,” then I’m so set with this stack of Marvel books he’s done in the last couple of years! Oh, wait, you just made less of them. Jerks. From this point on, I won’t be buying your ugly, stupid comics. Wait, I wasn’t, anyway.
MAR052634 NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET SP #1 $3.99
MAR052638 NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET SP GLOW CVR #1 $14.99
MAR052637 NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET SP GORE CVR #1 $3.99
MAR052636 NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET SP TERROR CVR #1 $3.99
MAR052635 NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET SP WRAPAROUND CVR #1 $3.99
APR052671 STARGATE SG1 DANIELS SONG NOUVEAU JACKSON ED #1 $5.99
MAR052640 TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE SP #1 $3.99
APR052703 TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE SP BLOODBATH CVR #1 $5.99
MAR052644 TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE SP GLOW CVR #1 $14.99
MAR052643 TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE SP GORE CVR #1 $3.99
MAR052642 TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE SP RYP CVR #1 $3.99
MAR052641 TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE SP WRAPAROUND CVR #1 $3.99
Oh, Avatar. You’re like a crazy ex-girlfriend. I don’t want to touch you with a ten-foot pole, but your provide me with such interesting things to pontificate, like who the fuck buys this stuff. I know it’s a common refrain in these lists, but c’mon – six covers for your comic based on a movie about a dude with a piece of lawn hardware and mother issues?
APR052972 WILL EISNERS JOHN LAW VOL 1 S&N HC ED $50.00
I mean, I know he signed this before he died, but this makes me feel ghoulish anyway, not that I bought it.
Stuff What Is Not Marvel Or DC But You Should Care About Anyway for the week of June 2, 2005.
JAN052669 PAUL MOVES OUT HC $19.95
Jason Marcy over at Comic Book Galaxy gave this a great review and judging by how much I enjoyed the other Paul books by Rabagliati, I’ll probably give this a nice long, hard, wet look.
MAR052962 SMOKE #1 (OF 3) $7.49
Give Alex DeCampi your money or perish. She’s one of the good ones, and even if IDW seems to think her comic is worth $7.50, it’ll kick your ass ten times more than Batman: Getting It On With Catwoman or whatever “prestige” title you were going to pick up, and you get to see Igor Kordey make with the pretty art.
MAR053221 SUPER F$$$$$S #1 $7.00
That’s Super F*ckers, and it will rock your socks right off, my brothers and sisters.
Other Comics Stuff, Mostly Links:
Ian says everything I could about Green Lantern #1, so we’ll just let him do that, OK?
Mike Sterling keeps us updated on Swamp Thing-related domain names, which is very important.
AiT/PlanetLar’s forthcoming Seal Team Seven gets previewed over at CBR and it looks like just the thing to this fan of The Abyss and the occasional bit of Crichton and the like. The art looks freaking terrific, too.
Boy, the Ultimate Defenders were a bit of an abortion, weren’t they? Thumbs down to Millar’s infantile proving-he’s-nasty script for The Ultimates #6 that was the equivalent of a SLAM book where he’d written Those stupid-ass Defenders who suck a lot and should be buggered. under Superteams You Hate. Lovely art by Hitch, mind. I could gaze at his linework for days with a dreamy look on my face, sighing occasionally.