“Hey, Jabberjaw! Shut the fuck up!”

Arcane cartoon references rule.

Upsell, you fucking fucks!

Hi, Courtney.

“What? You don’t like the unfrosted side of the biscuit?”

Today stinks.

Already.

No particular reason, mind.

It just does.

Murder is the case that they’ll give me.

I gotta say, today ain’t a good day.

I did some sort of test on a new spiel telling people about one of our partner companies today. It made me feel like an asshole, but hey…

Loud Bruce fails to perceive how utterly annoying he is. His voice strikes at my cerebral cortex like a deranged Sharon Stone, wielding an icepick. His pauses in the middle of statements and his tone that reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer talking to a particularly succulent schoolboy drive me mad. He attempts to engage me in conversation about movies, comics, books, and I just respond with “Yes, Bruce” and “That’s nice, Bruce” and he doesn’t get the hint. Friends of mine suspect I’ve made him up. I only wish this were true.

Smelly-person-whose-name-I-don’t-remember is here. She smells of perfume that must be made from curry powder and very fragrant sweet herbs.

Argh.

Passing notes is the new Instant Messaging.

Once again, Amanda is under her desk. This time she’s declaring she’s found a quarter.

I worry about that girl.

So, Chris is disappointed. Why’s Young Chris not happy? Because the morning meeting they have on Mondays was bumped back a day. See, us customer care grunts are never invited to this all-hands meeting because we have to answer the phones for our customers. I can understand that, but stuff goes on during these meetings that we have to hear about second-hand through the “Daily News” (a Word document management set up for us to look at and be told what to do) and it gets frustrating. Sending a few people from the department to the meeting is a bold new step in informing us of what’s going on. At least, I’m sure they thought of it that way. It’s also Monday. That’s another reason Our Pal Chris is not happy.

Visiting friends at work and borrowing their connection is much more fun than using the connection at work.

Because I’m not working.

I loathe the Foosball table. Tried to relax for a couple of minutes at break while listening to Round About Midnight by Miles Davis. I closed my eyes, leaned back on the couch, and chilled until the moment the horns come back with that “Ba-BAAA-baa” bit and then I heard two chuckleheads start to banging with the table. I want to put it in the garage. Argh.

Fun Phone Tip:

Hitting the “Mute” button and saying “Tell it on the mountain, sister!” whenever a customer is venting at you is a great way to have free chuckles at work. Just make sure you keep that button down.

Why does proper spelling, capitalization, and punctuation elude our member base?

A “Screen Name” is not an email address.

A “Screen Name” is not an email address.

A “Screen Name” is not an email address.

A “Screen Name” is not an email address.

I don’t know if this is the right department this needs to go to & frankly I don’t care.But my husband is the one that is logged into this over something he was looking up while on my computer not his & using MY E-MAIL ADDRESS!Ever since then you have been sending stuff to MY COMPUTER & to MY ADDRESS!!!!!I WANT IT STOPPED NOW PLEASE!!!!!!!DO NOT SEND ANYTHING TO MY E-MAIL ADDRESS EVERAGAIN!!!!!!GOT IT!!!!! TAKE MY ADDRESS OFF YOUR LIST!!!!!!!!NOW!!!!!!! I appreciate your understanding in this matter & know you will direct this to the right department to stop this! Thank you for your time.

Good morning to you, too.

Now the phones appear to work just fine.

I liked it better before.

I just got a call!

Whoa.

Then the phones died again.

They brought cake to my desk.

It’s like kindergarten with additional humilation.