OK, many people know my beef with Stan Lee. He’s claimed credit for many things that, frankly, he had little to do with, but that’s something for the likes of Tom Spurgeon to go into in a book dedicated to the Stan Lee phenom of self-promotion. Anyway, Dorian presented images from some godawful X-Men picture book over on Postmodernbarney and, for a laugh, I went and clicked to the Amazon page. This is what confronts me on that page:

Review

�(X-Men™: Ultimate Picture Book) is not only terrific�it�s indescribably terrific!!!!� �Stan Lee, creator of the X-Men™.

Avoiding the issue of what Stan’s definition of “creator” is, I have no problems with the Man’s hyperbole in this case – Merriam-Webster’s first definition for terrific is:

1 a : very bad : FRIGHTFUL

Truer words would be hard to find.

File Under: Who is nerdier? The nerd or the nerd who invokes GRODD?

(22:33:04) beaucoupkevin: Josh.

(22:33:06) beaucoupkevin: http://www2.b3ta.com/mirror/klingonwedding/

(22:33:10) beaucoupkevin: That’s it.

(22:33:11) beaucoupkevin: I want off.

(22:33:59) JKrach: I want thermite.

(22:34:08) beaucoupkevin: I want a crowbar and addresses.

(22:34:22) JKrach: FOR WE ARE GRODD.

(22:34:41) JKrach: OUR BELLIES WILL STRETCH WITH RANCID KLINGON FLESH!

File Under: Comics, Comics, Comics.

The Comics Journal has some excellent bits this issue – a nice, long interview with the hilarious and very wrong Ivan Brunetti¹, clashing reviews of In The Shadow Of Two Towers, and a good piece from Darcy Sullivan on Jack Kirby not getting enough love from the people who can reprint his work.² As with the last issue, however, it is the now-looking-standard $10 price point against which I must object – I don’t care about the comics reprinted in this issue³ and Brunetti’s stuff, while it’s nice to see it in color, does not require more than black and white for the most part. I may cancel and just buy the occasional issue as I see it coming in Previews. However, they did print a very snappy comment made by Dorian, and maybe they’ll, you know, print something snarky I said about, I dunno, Mark Millar’s diaper fetish.

No, probably not.

One note: it looks like the Journal’s total circulation, according to their USPS statement of Ownership, Management, And Circulation is 5,000 copies. Is it just me or does that seem, well, paltry for a magazine that seems to think it’s a Big Deal? I wonder what their circulation was during the 80s and 90s and how it was affected by their narrower, more elitist focus on “intellectual” comics.

Sadly, this is the last issue of the always-fun Tom Strong’s Terrific Tales. Happily, Peter Bagge and Alan Moore reunite for a bitterly hilarious tale of the titular character’s retired life in “Supurbia” with appearances from a certain square-jawed detective and other icons of the advertising, animated, and comic world. Chris Weston admirably replaces⁴ Art Adams in a very effective Jonni Future story, and the looking-like-the-last-ever Young Tom Strong story pulled on just the right strings.

Warren Ellis’s Apparat experiment, despite the production foulup that lead to delaying its proper release, starts out of the gate with the very strong Frank Ironwine, about a drunk, chainsmoking detective. Nothing unusual for WEllis, but Carla Speed McNeil’s art and clean, not-too-clever-for-itself storytelling made me like this book much, much more than I wanted to.

And can I say that, while I love both books more than a crack user loves an empty Coke can, Daredevil and Sleeper are frustrating because the decompressed⁵ storytelling, while allowing the reader more exploration of cause and effect and story structure in the collected versions⁶, makes each issue seem incomplete unless it’s carefully structured to serve as a discrete unit. Sleeper is easier to take in single-dose form, as the last two issues themselves have had a series of events in each episode that meant they had a beginning / middle / end structure. Daredevil seems to not but I’m addicted to the point that I must read what happens next before getting the collections. If the rumors I hear about Ed Brubaker and Michael Lark taking over the title when Bendis and Maleev take off are true, I will continue this sad, fannish cycle.

Oh, I also got that freaking huge Absolute Planetary collection. Cassaday’s one of those artists that deserves this format, and it’s well worth the $50 pricetag to get it from your Local Comic Shop, but I will note that it’s significantly cheaper at Amazon for people unable to get a stupid discount by working at said LCS.



¹I always type that as “Brunettes” the first time around. I wonder why that is. Hmmm…

²I would buy, without hesitation or thought, a Fourth World DC Archives set. People in charge of that sort of thing would be well advised to pay attention to the fact that they could get at least $100 of my Yanqui Dollars behind something like that.

³The Alex Toth comics from two issues ago, however, were class. More of that, please. Thanks.

⁴Excluding one awkwardish panel, I was happy with his performance and didn’t notice that it wasn’t Adams until page 3.

⁵Hate that term. Hate it.

⁶Yes, I buy both. Shudup.

Email from Karen:

i have a lentghy email to write to you but even at 11

am it feel stoo early. asn you can see that hte

typeing skills are worse thatn usual.

No! You don’t say!

Newspaper ad for Paris Hilton’s new perfume:

Celebrity…trend setter…model…beauty…socialite…star.

Now you can have the opportunity to share a bit of the magic that is Paris Hilton.

Really? Is being a rich, ignorant cunt magical now?

Find out what it smells like to be a star.

Like blowjob videos and filthy lucre, I imagine.

Points of fact:

• Not hungover, nor am I more cranky than usual this morning. Mind you, pre-shower-and-caffeine-injection, I am a pretty cruel man, so it’s recommended to steer clear in general.
• I win, you bastards. Hangovers are for amateurs. I’m a professional. I’ve decided that Ultimate version of Tony Stark¹ has it right. Now, to just be a billionaire.

Off to get coffee, read comics, and make notes about some ideas about some things that I may or may not want to think about developing.

¹Yes, all I can find on the internets is an Italian version of that panel! The internets, they fail me!

You’re supposed to give thanks on this day if you’re an American citizen. As I do not wish to incur the wrath of der Pr�sident und sein rahmenorganisation¹, I will do that very thing. Unlike last year’s ranty post, this will be sincere. Honest.

I give thanks for my friends, a broad and wide net of support that’s always there to catch me when I stumble, even if they don’t always realize it. Each one of you has made my life immensely better and I thank you and love² you for it. Some new, some old, some in that middle range, all appreciated more than I can say without turning into Lou Gehrig.

I give thanks that Jenn’s daughter Lily is healthy³ and her mother is able to wander about, kicking ass at will.

I give thanks that Josh and Kathleen’s Svea is progressing nicely in mom’s tummy.

I give thanks that I’ve a job that I enjoy. Even if the pay isn’t the megabucks I expect as tribute, the startup atmosphere gives me a rush like no other.

I give thanks that there’s a new video from Roots Manuva.

I give thanks that I seem to be writing more lately, and it’s better with a sharper focus on what makes story work, even if I feel I’d make a better editor than writer proper.

I give thanks that at least 48% of Americans⁴ were smart enough to vote against The Chimp and hope that the party gets a clue and rebuilds to a more liberal, more differentiated platform that’s sellable to more people.

I give thanks to the comics blogger community, which seems to have adopted me in its own way, giving me two mentions on Fanboy Rampage and links from people I actually respect, like Mike Sterling⁵ and the rest of the ACAPCWOVCCAOE⁶ cadre.

I give thanks to The Hulk for helping me meet so many great people – they know who they are, and many of them are now included in the first group mentioned.

That’s about it for this ultra-ego-and-mush entry. I assume that tomorrow I’ll review new comics and talk smack about your mother.

¹Yes, that’s a Google translation. None of the usual German speakers I ask for help with this stuff were available.

²Yes, even the guys. Comments questioning my sexuality to the usual place.

³Yes, she’s insanely cute, isn’t she? Isn’t she? *brandishes fist*

⁴Assuming that the vote count was accurate, which is not an assumption I wish to make.

⁵You can Paypal the usual amount to my coffers.

⁶Pronounced “Axis of Evil.”

File Under: Two For Christina

and

Click = New window, large image.

Ed did it, so I will, too. This is because Ed is an example to follow for people everywhere. You’ll note I focused on more mainstream works – this is because I am a simple man without enough caffeine in me at the moment to delve through my blog archives and examine every indie book I took note of.

1) What’s your favorite comic of 2004?

I’ve already stated my love of Gotham Central, but my favorite “Started in 2004″ or “Best New Comic” or whatever is We3. For a one-shot, Two Sisters was genius and I think Matt Kindt needs to run away with me.

2) What’s your favorite comics related moment or 2004?

Personally, getting to meet STERANKO this past weekend and engaging him in a lively conversation, even handing him my card at the end and getting his as well. No, you can’t have his number.

Fanboy comics? It’s easy – seeing Rags Morales draw Mr. Miracle and Superman in Identity Crisis made my heart go badda badda badda.

Indie comics-wise, I have to say the big final chase scene in The Couriers 2: Dirtbike Manifesto. Rob G makes with the action while Brian Wood writes fine explodo.

3) What’s the worst thing to happen in comics in 2004?

Avengers Disassembled showed that Bendis’s storytelling is starting to fray a bit at the edges for the sake of writing a “Big Event” I’d hate to think this is the path Marvel’s going to continue going down, and they’re looking like this is The Way And The Light for now. I’ve dropped everything that’s regularly in print from them excluding Daredevil. You can lump Hush in with it, actually.

4) What’s your most fervid hope for comics in 2005?

Someone does a good all-ages Superman / Supergirl book that sells like hotcakes. Or I’ll sell a few scripts. Probably the latter, he said selfishly.

5) What aspect of comics in 2005 are you most looking forward to?

More reprints of classic and non-classic works that are worth the time and money. I’ve been very encouraged lately with Marvel’s 70′s work getting some Essential love and Jack Kirby’s less-popular stuff gaining note at the big two.

6) What’s your worst fear for comics in 2005?

The zombie corpse of Rob Liefeld continues to put out dodgy comics while bad comics commentators continue to give him any lip service. He sucks, let his career die, people.

26 Artists, 26 Songs I like. Not my favorites, not the most obscure or hip. Just a fast list I thought u this morning on the train.

Alpha, “Sometime Later”

Beatles, “In My Life”

Curve, “Pink Girl With The Blues”

Depeche Mode, “Home”

Erasure, “Run To The Sun”

Faithless, “Mass Destruction” (P*Nut And Sister Bliss Mix)

Gorillaz, “19/2000″ (Jungle Fresh Dub by Space Monkeyz)

Hardfloor, “Acperience”

Information Society, “Think”

Joy Division, “Leaders Of Men”

Kraftwerk, “Tour De France”

LSG¹, “Hearts”

Miles Davis, “Au Che La”

New Order, “Mr. Disco”

Orbital, “One Perfect Sunrise”

Pet Shop Boys, “Home and Dry”

Quincy Jones, Theme from Sanford And Son

Roots Manuva, “Juggle Things Proper”

Skalpel, “Break In”

The Cinematic Orchestra, “Channel One Suite”

Underworld, “Dark Train”

Vapourspace, “Gravitation Arch of 10″

Wilco, “Kamera”

Xymox, “Blind Hearts”

Yoko Kanno, “Spotter”

Zero 7, “Warm Sound”

¹Oliver Lieb’s dance project, not Levert Sweat And Gill.

So, this BoingBoing post links to an article over at The New Scientist about how Superman is a poor role model.

Seriously. The process involved here is dodgy, to say the least.

They asked students to list the characteristics of Superman, or alternatively superheroes in general, as part of a larger questionnaire. Later on, subjects were given the opportunity to volunteer for a fictitious community programme.

Students who thought of Superman volunteered much less of their time than those who thought about other superheroes. Furthermore, Superman-primed subjects were significantly less likely to show up at a meeting for volunteers held three months after they were initially asked to participate.

OK, you’re asked to talk about Superman, one of the largest, if not the pop-culture icon on the planet, or other superheroes. Obviously, any jerkass schmuck knows about Krypton’s last son and can rattle off at least three or four aspects of his powers and abilities thanks to a pair of television shows, innumerable animated adventures, comics that have been published since 1938, and two quite good movies¹.

This means that Said Jerkass Schmuck is going to know Big Blue’s powers much more than, I dunno, Starman’s or Captain Atom’s or Green Lantern or Mr. Fantastic or Mr. Terrific or Mrs. Marvel or… anyway. You get my point, right? That’s like saying “People that saw the World Series are less likely to be charitable” when, in fact, most people aren’t that fucking nice. It’s connecting Apples and Monkeys. Bah.

Bad science making comic book fans look like big old jerks. Thanks, guys. Thanks so damn much.

¹There was never a Superman 3 or Superman 4. I don’t care what you may have seen or heard. That was a hallucination.

Tom Spurgeon’s blog does a Five For Friday about Kirby. Some very good recommendations.

Of course, you want to know mine, right?

• Fantastic Four #51, “This Man, This Monster.” This is my favorite single regular issue of a comic ever. Seeing what makes a hero explained in glorious detail, with some wonderful depictions of the Negative Zone. I’m sure that the family bond explored in this issue heavily influenced Grant Morrison’s Fantastic Four 1 2 3 4 series. When the erstatz Thing makes a fateful decision, I always get a tiny lump in my throat.
• Fighting American #1. Hilarious sendup by Jack and Joe Simon of their previous patriotic co-creation. I have the well-done reprint of the series that Marvel did in the 90s, which is stupidly out of print.
• 2001: A Space Odyssey #8. First appearance of Machine Man in a hyper-effective story with just the right balance of pathos and Kirby action.
• New Gods #6, “The Glory Boat,” has some of my favorite fight scenes The King ever drew, and Orion is an amazingly inconsiderate individual who only desires destruction while a father and son battle over pacifism versus violence. So glorious.
• Mister Miracle #4. First appearance of Barda, who calmly watches as a safe with the titular hero stuffed inside plunges through the central shaft in a skyscraper. She figures he can take care of himself, so why fret? She then proceeds to wail on everything in site. Jack’s women rule.

So, I went to BiMonSciFiCon¹ with Pete today. I’ve got the following field notes/suggestions:

• Nerds, seriously. People that worked on movies together over a quarter-century ago probably aren’t in regular contact today. As Pete mentioned in the car, do you remember coworkers you had even three or four years ago? These people, even the guys like Anthony Daniels² have careers that mean they work for a few days on a set, leave, go do other things, then come back for reshoots. Stop bugging them about hanging with Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill!
• Soap is not expensive. It is, in fact, cheap to buy even the nicest mintiest soap on the planet in bulk. If I smell you or your clothing, that means you are doing Something Wrong.
• If you say it nicely, the phrase “What can you do for me?” means that you can get your Archie and Jughead bobbleheads³ for cheap.
• Jim Steranko is terribly nice, and if you talk about his History Of Comics and Jack Kirby, you will not be able to shut him or yourself up.
• Adrian Barbeau⁴ is still freaking hot.
  

¹Hi, Karen. Yes, I bit your joke.

²Who reported that he rarely saw or, in fact seesKenny “R2D2″ Baker, despite the assumption that they shot everything together. And I’m sorry my camera’s little red light hit you in the face. Yes. photos of Mr. Daniels will be up on Monday<

³Shudup. They’re the only ones I’ve ever wanted. I have no idea why.

⁴Make your own Sealab reference.

Justice League: Booze Base Alpha.

We succeeded on our mission and it was awesome.

Marvel’s Trade Solicits are up. Of special note for me is:

ESSENTIAL LUKE CAGE VOL. 1 TPB

Written by ROY THOMAS, JOHN ROMITA, ARCHIE GOODWIN,

STEVE ENGLEHART, GERRY CONWAY, TONY ISABELLA & LEN WEIN

Penciled by GEORGE TUSKA & BILLY GRAHAM

Cover by JOHN ROMITA SR.

Look out, world, here he comes � Luke Cage, Hero for Hire � and bullets won’t stop him! The early adventures of comics� first and foremost black superstar of the seventies are collected for the first time in one volume as Power Man defends his home turf against the likes of Diamondback, Mace, Black Mariah, Dr. Doom, Senor Suerte, Chemistro, Lionfang, Steeplejack, Cottonmouth and more! Guest-starring the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man and Iron Man! Collects HERO FOR HIRE #1-16 and POWER MAN #17-27.

544 PGS./B&W/Marvel PSR �$16.99 // ISBN: 0-7851-1685-0

and (boy, am I surprised at this)…

BLACK PANTHER BY JACK KIRBY VOL. 1 TPB

Story, Pencils & Cover by JACK KIRBY

The Black Panther, as only “King” Kirby could do it! They searched for it! They fought � and even killed � for it! What was it? King Solomon’s Frog! Alongside Mr. Little and Princess Zanda, T�Challa battles the Collectors, the Six-Million-Year Man and more in this power-packed, never-before-reprinted action epic in the mighty Marvel manner! Collects BLACK PANTHER #1-7.

136 PGS./All Ages �$19.99 // ISBN: 0-7851-1687-7

Doug will, as usual, declare that the Essential ROM collection is mere moments away and I’ll bemoan the fact that Fu Manchu’s presence means we may not ever see a reprint of Shang Chi: Master of Kung-Fu, a book that is much better than it has any right to be. Jason suggests that they cut Fu-Manchu out and revise it so it become Shang Chi: Orphan Master of Kung Fu, but I don’t have the heart to tell him that’s a bit too close to Iron Fist’s schtick. Another option that Jason recommends is: “They should just change his name, as an evil chinaman, I should know–we’re all the same!”

His words, not mine.

I live in Boston, if you never knew – it’s a melting pot with lots of people from different cultures mashed up with each other, which is one of the reasons why I really enjoy spending time in the downtown area. I see asian, middle eastern, black, caucasian, whatever all existing together in what appears to harmony to this big dumb white guy.

Anyway, these rules of civility, this detente, if you will, they get tossed to the side when it comes to the Dunkin’ Donuts near the swank High Street offices my current employer calls its own.

Hispanic accent: “Next in line!”

Middle eastern accent: “I can take who’s next!”

Russian accent: “If you’re next, come here.”¹

There’s just me in line, needing something to make my brain turn over². There’s nobody behind me or to either side, unless a group of invisible-to-Kevin ninjas have managed to infiltrate the room. I pause, weighing my decisions as they continue to call out their phrases.

“Next in line!”

“I can take who’s next!”

“If you’re next, come here!”

Which one? Which. One. Will. It. Be? It’s been eight or nine seconds. They’re going to start the litany again, I just know it. Before the onslaught begins anew, a tiny Asian counterperson finally says “I’d be glad to help you here, sir.”

I go with her. Why? She actually wasn’t ordering or demanding that I do something. The transaction was swift and courteous and I walked out with a croissant³ and a cup of joe. For someone who professes to not care where the hell you come from, it’s amazing what a bit of politeness can do to my attitude and decision making processes. That’s one thing I miss from the south, the politeness; be it feigned or not, I always appreciated it. I sometimes wonder if the brusqueness of northerners, especially those from New England, rubs off on people that are relatively to the country and they assume that’s how we do things.⁴ I hate that I end up saying “thank you” to store clerks here more than they ever do the same to me, but I refuse to budge on the basic engines of civility that keep me from snapping necks in the street and declaring blood feuds.

¹I’m sure Stalin said things like that when handling difficult subordinates during the weekly bloodbaths-cum-meetings.

⁴One of the shocking things about my Toronto visit was that people in shops, restaurants, etc were always terribly nice in a way I’d not experienced in ages, and I know that place has a large population of recent immigrants, which makes me think it’s nurture, not nature.