Comments Off | Posted: February 18th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
So, The Essential Luke Cage came out this week and it contains a two-issue story that is, in my opinion, the finest thing that the Marvel of the 1970s came up with – Hero For Hire issues 8 and 9. These two titanic tales are reason enough to purchase this 600-pages-for-$18 tome.
You see, someone representing the fine folks at the Latverian embassy asks our hero to perform a certain duty. He does said task and is told to pop by the next day to get his princely sum of $200 for the work he’s done. Of course, Latverians being who they are, they leave him high and dry and shut down the embassy. He has to fight some robots, too, but that’s incidental as to why I love this story so much.
Now, I want to ask you something. Let’s say you’re owed a pair of C-notes by a dictator who is encased in armor and can shoot lasers out of his fingers. What do you do? It’s obvious that you borrow one of the Fantastic Four’s incredibly expensive pogo planes, fly to Latveria, find Doom and say, and I quote from the text here: “Where’s my money, honey?” And that is exactly what what Luke Cage, Hero For Hire does. I don’t want to spoil what happens next, but you have to know that any story that starts with the phrase “Jive talkin’, freakin’ motherless candidate for the psycho hatch!” and features Dr. Doom redefines the word “Essential” to the point of no return.
Comments Off | Posted: February 18th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
I don’t ask you people for much, do I? I think I give a fair amount of value for your blogging dollar, what with my commentary and posting of foul covers from third-rate Top Cow comics, right? Now is the time that I need your help, my friends. I need one of you, a filthy rich one, to procure
this for me. Now, I know it seems expensive, but it’s a very nice piece of art by an artist whose work I love on a comic I love. That’s one of those one-in-a-million combinations in this business of comics. See, pal Jason
1 is telling me to buy it on credit, but I have a very strict “Never ever ever buy comics or comics-related merchandise with a credit card because that way lies the road to ruin for idiots like Kevin who can’t handle their credit properly” policy.
So. Somebody needs to buy this for me. Thank you.
1The phrase “Pal [PROPER NAME]” is TM and © Mike Sterling.
Comments Off | Posted: February 18th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
Click for the full horror.
This is the incentive special gold-foil variant hot shit edition of Witchblade #75.
What is going on here? Seriously.
Is she getting some sort of gratification from the car?
Are the other cabs victims of her strange passion for chrome and oil?
I am forever scarred.
Comments Off | Posted: February 18th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
Boston is bitch cold this morning. For those of you who are unaware of the term “bitch cold,” it’s a very specific combination of cold and wind that creates a windchill around the 22°F mark, (-6°C for Christina and other people who use that strangely logical system.) See, below this point, your mouth is covered by the scarf and you’ve probably got your collar up so high that even if you speak, nobody’s going to hear you say “Son of a bitch!” while getting out of the too-cozy warmth of the subway stations. Above this point, you’re likely not to say “Son of a bitch!” because hey, it’s not bitch cold. However, when the temperature hits a certain point and the wind whips around the corner like a drunken policeman chasing a meth-crazed robber, it becomes bitch cold.
It’s remarkably consistent, too. You’ll hear men, women, even the occasional toddler saying “Son of a bitch!” when slapped by Mother Nature in her efforts to ensure that we’re kept in our place and reminded why settling in the land we would call “New England” wasn’t a bright idea, really.
In the category of non-meteorlogical ranting, something that I consider a bit of a genius idea hit me last night and in a flurry of typing and yelling at my erstwhile sounding board, Josh, I came up with a rough concept that I plan on hammering into something to take to somebody. I will say “Hand me sackfuls of your filthy American dollars so that I may finally have the lifestyle that I deserve,” to this somebody, who will eagerly accept my idea as being far superior to any concept they’ve seen in years.
No, I’m not telling you what it is outside of the fact that it’s the exact opposite of the Fight Comics concept that Warren Ellis has been espousing on the Bad Signal. Mind you, this isn’t me pooh-poohing the concept of Fight Comics – I am very curious to see what he’s going to come up with, as the man knows how to script what he terms “explodo” very, very well.
Comments Off | Posted: February 17th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
It’s been a tough decision (and I’m not just saying that) to see who should get these three comic books. I’ve gotten a lot of great questions that actually made me think and stay on my writerly toes and in a couple of cases, dredged up things I had lodged in my brains from years ago from long-forgotten classes. So. Who’s the winner? Craig with his query about Mark Millar’s Wolverine run, boycotting, and corporate planning. I’ve just fired an email off to him and I want to thank everyone who participated. I’m sure I’ll be doing this again as it’s far too much fun and it’s easier than writing fresh-from-the-brain content.
I’ve not procured comics yet this week. In fact, I was just telling an internetfriend that I was leaving for work today when I had the choice of finally reading Jeff Smith’s Bone in that Gigantor-sized tome or grabbing the first Grant Morrison New X-Men hardcover for the umpteenth time. Which one do you think I ended up choosing?
“Wolverine, you can probably stop doing that now.”
Hey, don’t give me that look.
Comments Off | Posted: February 16th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
Sam is curious. In a bitch fight between Bendis and Millar, who would win?
The fans, Sam. The fans.
Doug (who owns these comics already, I think) wants to know…
Can somebody take Sterling’s scanner away from him before he scars us all forever?
For those who aren’t aware, Mike Sterling runs the excellent Progressive Ruin comics site. In the last week, we’ve received this and this. (The former is SFW, the second features the phrase “Special Extra Large Lesbian Unicorn Issue,” so you may or may not want to make with the clicky on it.)
And no, I don’t want anyone to do that, because Sterling does too much good work with that same scanner, like making sure we know how to pronounce John Constantine’s name.
What animal didn’t get turned into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle rip-off?
Lobsters, crab lice, and the red-winged blackbird.
Do you have a favorite online comic? If so, what and what’s the best strip ever?
Oh, crap. I like Penny Arcade quite a lot, and even if I think Kurtz is a bit of a putz, PvP cracks me up quite often. Then there’s Achewood, which I have developed a fondness for lately. I can’t pull out any favorites on demand, but maybe one day I’ll do the research and go “Oh hey, the one with the boobies…”
That’s it! The question battle is over! We’ll be handing the questions over to the judge so he can review and make his arbitrary decision tomorrow.
Comments Off | Posted: February 16th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
I somehow missed Silent Nietzsche’s excellent query. If there was a battle of the wills between Immanuel Kant and Alan Moore, who’s view of reality would win?
Don’t get me wrong, as I admire Kant’s Copernican Revolution idea quite a lot, where the representation makes the object instead of the more conventional view that the object creates the representation. Where previously it was stated that the mind was a passive object receiving stimuli, the Copernican Revolution stated that it was now an active part of the experience, originating your perceptions. This is, of course, philosophical and the practical realization of any of this is, at best, unprovable.
That said, Alan Moore has changed the way a medium can speak to its audience in a very perceptible way. And he’s a magician. And he’s made me get misty-eyed more than a few times with his Superman stories alone. And he’s a fucking magician. Kant would ponder while Moore was summoning ur-demons from the bowels of the Earth! Kant would declare them to be non-existent, as he refused their representation! Moore would be drinking wine from Kant’s empty, force-blasted skull within an hour.
Comments Off | Posted: February 16th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
Doug Again:
How could you leave out the fine recommendations of Sequential Tart?
I couldn’t be bothered to work much harder on the question after linking and pulling a ton of stuff myself. They are a fine group, to be sure, and going to their website is recommended. I just happen to like Johanna’s reviews and stance quite a lot, so she came to mind first as a place where a beginner could look and not have to sort through a lot of fuss to get to “Titles You Should Read.”
Who wrote the “There are 12 Cylon models” note and left it in Adama’s quarters? Explain your reasoning.
I think it was Baltar, working behind Six’s back, which may be hard to explain, since she’s in his head. Another possibility is Boomer. Her history of blackouts indicates that she’s not all there and may well be fighting against her programming. This is assuming that there’s not another person who knows more about Cylons than we’re being told.
Justin has two inquiries, the first being: How much of a hack is Mark Millar, seriously? Be sure to show units.
OK, let’s do that, shall we? The internationally recognized unit for Comics Hack Writing is a “Marz.” This is, of course, referring to Ron Marz, who can crank out a lot of stuff that seems to have little passion but manages to get from A to B without offending anyone outside of Women In Refrigerator moments. Unfortunately, this means he usually fails to inspire the reader. One Marz is equivalent to one issue of standard hack writing.
I don’t think Mark Millar is much of a hack. He seems to thrive on making sure he gets a reaction – any reaction out of his audience. Where Marz can write 6-part storylines where Green Lantern clobbers alien invaders, Millar would feel the need to work in a rape, brutalization, or disfigurement. As Millar seems to work around these shock moments disguised as “emotional beats,” he fails the hack test entirely – he cares too much about making sure the reader is pissed off.
Conversely, Mark Waid actually manages 2 Marz Units out of a single issue a lot of the time. See JLA: Year One for a prime example of writing that seems to meander and never, ever makes you wonder what’s going to happen next.
Who is Jon Galt?
Surprisingly, a gay porn star. I prefer that much more to thinking about Ayn Rand.
Bill ponders the imponderable. I’m sorry if this has been asked before, since it’s not terribly imaginative, but: Who would win a rumble (in glorious Technicolor, featuring music by Leonard Bernstein and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim) between the members of Erasure and Pet Shop Boys? Which fey pop group would raise their switchblades in victory?
The Pet Shop Boys. Chris Lowe’s too much of an Arsenal supporter not to have been in a few scrapes. Neil also was infamous for slapping people in the 80s, including the head of EMI Asia after being lied to about sales figures. Vince would watch the fight from the side as he drinks a beer and smokes a cigarette and Andy would do funny voices and waddle about. (Also, given Andy’s recent HIV-positive status announcement, I daresay they’d duel it out over checkers or chart positions or something.)
Comments Off | Posted: February 16th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
I was an ass and missed this question from Craig, and it’s quite a good one.
Should those bearing good conscience consider boycotting Mark Millar’s work, or would that be shining too much of a light on obvious mediocrity? As angry as I am about his choosing a gay character to stab through the heart, I just can’t get over how poorly the story is told. Will this be a dream when all is said and done? Will it be a case of ‘who cares?’ Is Marvel paving the way for a new sole Gay Character they can market market market?
It’s up to you whether or not you want to avoid paying a misogynistic fuckhead cash money. I’ve pretty much dropped anything with his name on it with the exclusion of The Ultimates, and not just because of Northstar. Millar strikes me as a writer who gets gigs because he has perfected the art of the hype. I went into my issues with Wanted, which started with a kick to the teeth and ended up informing the readers they were morons and sheep. This doesn’t really endear me to his work and I think that many people are catching on to his many, many flaws.
I don’t think this is going to be a dream when it’s done. It will, however, be easy to say that Wolverine’s been under some kind of mind control or the like, if that’s not been stated already. “Who cares?” is probably the route most people are going to take with this series. I think it’s offensive to the readers to create a high body count and have to stunt-kill a character that, let’s admit it, has “being gay” as his one defining feature to most fans instead of managing to tell a decent story and promoting that properly.
Of course, Hype Sells, judging strictly by the numbers. You want people talking, being outraged, saying they’re boycotting the book because this will make some people who don’t care get interested. Marvel isn’t concerned about making a title that can be resold in trade for the next few years like, say, Ultimate Spider-Man (a hit in pamphlet, to be sure, but a bigger hit in the bookstore market with its trades.) They’re going for the quick hit. Nothing gets the bloodthirsty masses more interested in Logan than “Wolverine fights everybody and kills a homo,” sadly.
Me, I’m stuck telling the lie that I only read The Ultimates because of Bryan Hitch and hope people believe it. It’s funny how much enjoying that book bothers me.
Jenn has her hooligan friend Dan email me out of the blue with a pair of questions: Everyone knows Dave Sim lost his friggin’ mind in issue 186, however can it be proven that he actually lost his mind much earlier–say, during the final arc of “Church and State”?
True, sad story here. I’ve never read word one of Cerebus. It just never crossed my radar at the right time and by the time I was remotely interested, I’d read enough about Sim to never want to read anything by Sim. I normally try to avoid associating someone’s opinions with someone’s art – James Ellroy being a prime example of this policy – but in Sim’s case, I don’t feel I’m missing out, even if the art is easy on the eyes.
Follow-up question: �Why is there a segment of society that still thinks Evan Dorkin plans on finishing Hectic Planet? �What’s wrong with those people? �It was ten years ago, let go already!
I’m sorry, I’m too busy protesting the cancellation of Small Wonder to go into this. (Evan can do what Evan wants. I don’t think his current sales are impacted at all by not finishing Hectic Planet. With a new book colored by Sarah coming out from Slave Labor soonish and that latest Bizarro book, I think he’s basically indicated it’s not high up on his priority list. Respect that he doesn’t feel the need to finish a decade-old story and enjoy what he’s doing now.)
Comments Off | Posted: February 16th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
Twelve Hours Until I Stop Answering Questions And Figure Out Who Gets These Comics.
Megan has a trifecta:
What’s your take on people who cry, “I can’t live in a country filled with hatemonger Republicans! That’s it! I’m moving to Canada!”
Go. Leave the good fight to those of us willing to stick around. You’re either with us or against us. (Hello, irony!) I think they should move to Canada because they don’t care about America enough to stand up for what they believe in. Yes, I am a judgmental prick.
Of all types of monkeys in the world, what is your favorite?
Outside of Kryptonian Super Monkeys, I get all gooshy and screamy when I see White-Faced Capuchins. I know that chimps are apes and not monkeys, but they make me terribly happy as well.
(If you ever want to see a fat man cry, sit next to me when Koko’s Kitten is on PBS. Koko is so smart and funny and the way she plays with a kitten is just…guh. I find it appalling that people can hunt her kind.)
The next time I end up wandering a comic shop aimlessly, is there a girlie-yet-not-stupid-or-insulting choice for me to look for?
While I bristle at the word “girlie,” I’ll give you a list of female-friendly books that I have enjoyed.
I recommend the romance of Tom Beland’s True Story, Swear To God unreservedly. It’s funny and sweet while never being cloying.
The first 8 volumes of Strangers In Paradise are quite good, but the Plane Crash Issue seemed to be Moore painting himself into a corner and the Ridiculous International Lesbian Conspiracy plot is never as interesting as he wants it to be.
Why I Hate Saturn is Kyle Baker’s first big success from the early 90s and it holds up today. It’s Seinfeld meets Thelma And Louise.
Andi Watson, now he makes with the comics for everyone. Breakfast After Noon deals with an unemployed couple’s trying to make it; Geisha is about an android bodyguard who wants to paint; Slow News Day tells the story of a culture clash when an American starts to work for a small British newspaper; Love Fights is about tabloids, superheroes, and romance.
I loved Two Sisters by Matt Kindt. A spy thriller featuring siblings torn apart by World War II, this is an sweeping, enthralling read that kept me up late one night and haunted me for the next week. This is the sort of thing I thought I was getting when I picked up Margaret Atwood’s The Blind Assassin.
These are just a few suggestions – you might want to check out the excellent Comics Worth Reading site, where Johanna Draper Carlson goes into many other books that I’ve also enjoyed, including Sparks and Maria’s Wedding.
Near Mint Shane:
What are the lyrics to Born Slippy by Underworld and what the hell do they mean?
If you click here, you’ll see the lyrics. These are a transcript from the now-sadly-gone Muzik, a magazine that was, for a while, the best-written magazine about “dance” records out there. Oh, we miss ye, Muzik
What’s it about? Drinking. And partying. And calling your mom. It’s about what any Underworld song is about – a series of images stitched together a certain way. The audio version of a photographic essay, you could say. It captures
Alice, again:
If we were in front of a TV judge, would you sue me for back rent, pain and suffering, damage charges, or all three?
Pain and suffering for the last 7 years, sweetheart. Pain. And. Suffering. Maybe a smidge of damages if we’re in front of Joe Brown.
If you were on a tabloid talk show, would you be a Troubled Teen Makeover, Surprise Boyfriend of Butch Man, or Other?
Yes.
Describe your favorite “Cops” scenario.
Two words: RONNIE DOBBS!
Comments Off | Posted: February 15th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
DC’s May Solicitations are up.
Just a quick gander this time. Outside of Grant Morrison’s Seven Soldiers, the main DC line has only a few things that interest me.
Gotham Central #31 features Batman on the cover, which is only the second time this has happened. The first featured a great tribute to Alex Toth and this is a nicely laid out piece of work as well. As with the regular form for this series, this is yet another chapter in what amounts to a graphic novel. I wonder if the series sales would suffer if they would just release 2-3 Gotham Central novels a year (which would, of course, stay in print) instead of the monthy serial that is. Gaudiano took over art chores for Lark (who has skipped off to Marvel, where he’ll be handling The Pulse with Bendis) and he seems to instantly grasped how the series works.
The Rann/Thanagar War starts and with Dave Gibbons writing a cosmic story with Ivan Reis’s art, I might well be tempted despite the tie-in to DC Countdown a series I have bad feelings about after Bitchcrazy Crisis. This also ties into Adam Strange, because a series about a guy with a rocketpack just wasn’t good enough – they had to make sure it was an event!
I’ll be buying several copies of the first Justice league Unlimited trade. Only one will be for me, however – I plan on buying at least four or five extras to leave at doctor’s offices and at the local hospital. Stick a Courtesy of Comicazi sticker on the inside front cover and the back, maybe create some new fanboys. $7 buys you 104 pages of comics. I like that it’s “Manga-Sized,” really – it means kids will carry it around and read that fucker. It’s telling that I am more excited by this than any “real” DCU story involving any of these characters.
The solicitation information for Superman #217 sounds like it would be a great 8-or-16 pager under Mort Weisinger: Superman has left Metropolis and created a new Fortress of Solitude in the Amazon jungle. Lois and Jimmy come to find him, only to meet some unexpected resistance and the emergence of a new major threat to the entire DCU! See – the phrase “emergence of a new major threat to the entire DCU” sounds like “Oh, we are going to try our best to make sure you know how major this threat is on every page and it’s going to take 9 months to tell the story, at least.” At least that’s what my jaded voice-in-the-head tells me.
Wrath Of The Spectre in trade? Fuck yeah, sign my ass up. I want me some of that “Turning stupid mooks into logs and throwing them into mystic sawmills” action, I tell you what! Aparo at the absolute peak of his art with Fleisher giving him truly insane shit to draw. Buy two – one to read and one to splatter your man-goo all over with insane glee.
From the Humanoids division comes Different Ugliness, Different Madness. This sounds like something I’d like and having seen other pieces of work by Males that weren’t translated, I’m going to give this a shot. I’m always willing to see DC or Marvel try publishing something that’s not capes and it’s time I put my money where my mouth is.
Vertigo, then. Um. I told you Christopher Butcher says read Mneomovore, right? As always, 100 Bullets will be purchased. Um. *cough*
Wildstorm! Yes, let’s look at them now. Yes. (Two Books?)
Warren Ellis’s Desolation Jones starts and has what sounds to be a good hook – ex-MI-6-spook and victim of a nasty experiment moves to LA and joins a secret cabal of ex-spies to blow shit up and anything else that makes ends meet. J.H. Williams is handling the art, which is a big draw as well.
I forgot to mention City of Tomorrow in last month’s review. I dunno if I need to bother. It’s Howard Fucking Chaykin. He may be not to everyone’s taste but you’ve got to admit that this guy’s got so much game, he’s practically his own Olympic event.
Alan Moore puts something out. Gene Ha draws it. I dunno, I may read it. Top Ten was pretty OK, I guess. (This is me trying not to explode and geeksqueak for the next ten minutes straight.)
Sleeper comes to an end. Dammit. It reads like this is the last part of the last volume. As the book was selling for shit in the montly format, I’m not surprised. Once more: cheap GNs. Keep them in print, too. I know, I’m talking crazy. It’s all the butane I’m huffing.
Comments Off | Posted: February 15th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
Ask Me Questions And You May Win Comics continues…
Josh tosses me an easy one: If you had to recommend just one comic about a talking gorilla in a tuxedo fighting the good fight, what comic about a talking gorilla in a tuxedo fighting the good fight would it be?
Josh, the book you are seeking is called The Annotated Mantooth and can handle all of your super-suave gorilla-make-explody needs.
Doug stuffs the ballot box with:
So did Millar pay Jeff Gannon for the weekend package, or am I just idly speculating?
I hate to tell you, but it is the latter.
Will DER FAUST ever face off with villianess The Glove?
I am stealing that idea and not paying you one red fucking cent. (For those that are wondering, Der Faust is a superhero that I have written one and two-thirds scripts for in which he punches many, many people. If you are an artist and want to draw the first story for nothing in the way of financial renumeration, let me know. It’s 8 pages, and I’ve been told that it’s pretty funny, but many people may not find it as such.)
Did we end up the sitcom planet of the universe, or is that just a theory of mine? (What will those wacky Earthlings get up to THIS time?)
This is the shittiest sitcom I’ve seen since That’s My Bush!, if so.
Back when Cartoon Books briefly merged with Image for distribution, there was a promo poster for them where Fone Bone was wearing a Grifter mask and guns. Did this crossover ever get made? What is the Greatest Crossover That Never Was?
Wildcats/Bone was a one-shot special written by Jeff Smith and Brandon Choi, featuring art by Jim Lee and Scott Williams. The entire print run was pulped, however, when a cariacture of several Marvel editors found its way into the book in a scene featuring a boiling vat of oil and Warblade doing…rude things. This may be a lie.
Newcomer Karl asks a pair of fine, fine questions worthy of more thought than I can possibly muster up, but here we go…
Just WHO are the “Ancients of Mu Mu”, really?
The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu, according to The Illuminatus! Trilogy, were a group of ancient Atlanteans that were the sworn and bitter enemies of the Illuminati. They worked to bring chaos and disorder in the name of Eris to combat the global conspiracy the Illuminati were behind. Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty took this name for their group and in 1987 recorded their first record JAMS 23 – “All You Need Is Love” What’s incredible is how little research I needed to do for this one – I had forgotten the number on the record.
Which is more likely to make you travel all the way to Xanadu; square eggs or Olivia Newton-John?
Olivia Newton-John, even if I prefer Goldfrapp’s version of “Physical.”
Sam cuts right to the heart of the matter with: Who the hell is Millar to give us such a dumb ending to Wanted? Answer that.
He is the guy who can get comics made without an editor actually saying “Um, seriously…” He has made people in the business of comics a lot of money. That speaks more than any sort of craft to beancounters.
Isaac from Toner Mishap: Is this going to be called “BeaucoupKevin and Friends” now?
A little known fact: in the late 90s, I hosted a children’s TV show called BeaucoupKevin And Friends on a public access station in Atlanta. Due to a lawsuit after a sketch called “Cockpunch The Redneck And Get Candy,” it was cancelled and replaced with video of an aquarium.
David Hitt gets all metaphysical! With apologies to D. Coupland: If there were two of you, which would win?
The BeaucoupKevin of Earth 1, of course.
Ryan, the other crazy southern liberal in the northeast, is a demanding bitch.
Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the communist party?
No. I believe in democracy. I also believe in Gotham City.
Also, have you heard about the joint anti-defamation lawsuit Thor has launched against Fabio and his hairdresser?
But…it’s so fabulous! Just look at this picture from The Incredible Hulk Returns TV movie!
Comments Off | Posted: February 15th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
beaucoupkevin: I am seriously pondering a complete Millar boycott because of WOLVERINE.
beaucoupkevin: The one gay character in the MU?
beaucoupkevin: And they have to kill HIM?
anotherinternetfriend: Oh, come on. Namor is SOOOOOO gay.
anotherinternetfriend: But no, I hear you. More of Millar’s latent right-wing nutsoidery coming to the fore.
beaucoupkevin: And I HATE THAT I LIKE THE ULTIMATES SO MUCH.
anotherinternetfriend: I bought the first three issues, and they are pretty. I don’t think I’ll be getting the next one, though.
beaucoupkevin: You read that Hulk trial issue?
anotherinternetfriend: I did.
beaucoupkevin: I told you.
anotherinternetfriend: I actually liked NEW AVENGERS better.
anotherinternetfriend: If they’d switch the art teams, I’d be in Marvel heaven.
beaucoupkevin: The blatant DEUS EX MACHINA and Bendis once again showing a huge conflict in flashback instead of unfolding in the present day put me off quite a lot.
anotherinternetfriend: And Captain Asshole put me off ULTIMATES again. So.
anotherinternetfriend: I want the Hulk to return just as Cap’s serum wears off. A little role reversal would do that fascist bully some good.
beaucoupkevin: I dunno why this portrayal of Cap doesn’t bother me.
anotherinternetfriend: It makes me WANT Millar to have someone assrape him.
anotherinternetfriend: Cap, not Millar (though the latter could probably use a dose just to get it out of his system).
anotherinternetfriend: “Ultimate-Ultron-Activated. Extending-Buggery-Unit-One.”
beaucoupkevin: THIS IS MY MONITOR WHILE I AM FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS.
beaucoupkevin: Or better yet.
beaucoupkevin: THIS IS MY EMOTICON WHILE I AM FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS. >:-O
anotherinternetfriend: TH15 15 MY F4(3…
(Ask questions or I’ll just repost conversations until the cows come home.)
Comments Off | Posted: February 15th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
You have another 36.5 hours to ask questions of me and win comics.
Comments Off | Posted: February 14th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
The scene is two people watching The Westminster Dog Show’s final bit on USA. One of them says “For once, I’d like to hear them say something negative about a breed.”
intarnet-fri3nd: “This breed hates you and everything you stand for!”
beaucoupkevin: “The Swastika on the back indicates a general distaste in what it considers inferior breeds…”
intarnet-fri3nd: “The saliva of this dog is deadly poison. Do not under any circumstances allow it to lick you or anyone you love.”
beaucoupkevin: “It’s rumored that Emperor Hirohito fed the concubines that displeased him to this breed, which has since been purged from the Japanese archipelago.”
intarnet-fri3nd: lol
beaucoupkevin: Now LAW AND ORDER: THE BATMAN DIARIES is on.
intarnet-fri3nd: LAW AND ORDER: THE PRINCESS DIARIES.
beaucoupkevin: That’s genius.
beaucoupkevin: “So…you’re…a princess, right? And, how exactly did you…ascend to the throne?”
beaucoupkevin: Vinnie D leans in, blinks a few times, tilts head.
intarnet-fri3nd: “Also known as the Trouser Weasel, this dog is the Lothario of the canine world.”
intarnet-fri3nd: Sorry, I’m still stuck on what I wish the dog show announcer would say.
beaucoupkevin: “Once the bitch kills her mate, the blood lust subsides. It’s rare to see a male make it to the showdog level.”
intarnet-fri3nd: I should really be collecting these.
intarnet-fri3nd: “This breed’s coat is a layer of symbiotic fungus. The healthier specimen reeks like a week-old corpse.”
beaucoupkevin: “Little known to many, the West Bumberfield Spaniel has actually been responsible for the shooting deaths of three hunters in the last decade. We give you The Rifle Spaniel!”
Comments Off | Posted: February 14th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
You ask questions, you might win comics!
Batch the first follows.
Doug wants to know who would win: Death of the Endless or the Black Racer?
Black Racer. He had skis and Kirby created him. C’mon. He’s not only got transportation, but Kirby never created a character that was half-assed in their duty.
Jason pulls out a far-too-nerdy Planet Of The Apes reference: Lawgiver, who knows the future???
I do, you little jive-talking trollop. I do.
Hovy over at Trade Whore wants to know “If you could be a Bizarro, what would your Bizarro number be?”
I was going to go the hurhurhur route and say “69,” but then the geek instincts kicked in and “42″ popped up. Then there’s “88,” which is emblazoned upon many things related to Buckaroo Banzai, but I’d have to answer “99″ for two reasons. The first is, of course, that it’s got a certain sort of Silver Age Insanity sound to it (Bizarro 99 Am Super Double Plus Bad Bizarro!) and it’s an almost-hidden KLF reference, which I am all for inserting whenever possible.
JustJenn just asks “Have you got it, do you get it, if so, how often?”
How can you expect to be taken seriously? Can you forgive her? What have I done to deserve this?
Isaac at Toner Mishap ponders something worthy of consideration.
Flight, I can understand. X-ray vision, super-strength, stretchiness, sure. Even invisiblity or archery prowess — all of these powers make sense. But there have been a multitude of different “Human Torch” type characters, and though the fringe benefits powers (for instance, flight) granted to the hero are always great, it seems odd to me that one could wish for such a power. So what is the psychological explanation for the continuing appearance of super heroes who burst into flame?
This is where I quote Doug: fire is the ultimate cleanser. We all want a world that’s bettered by our icons when we read our superhero books, correct? What’s better than a burned-utterly-sterile surface in which we can be assured that the evil that was there has since been reduced to molecular ash?
Gwen wants to know: Can I get down one time?
You can get down and get deep.
I get deep,
I get deep,
I get deep,
I get deep,
I get deeper,
Into this thing,
And I pretend,
That they�re not there.
Alice, my favorite librarian, compliments Isaac on his excellence in questionitude and gives me a good one: Who is the better singer, Alison Moyet or Andy Bell? Show your work.
I presume you’re relating this to their work with Mr Vincent Clarke, as they have both worked with him. Alison in Yaz/Yazoo and Andy in Erasure. I think Andy’s got the better range – the low notes he hits in “You Surround Me” compared with the falsetto in “Tenderest Moments” and a bigger range of emotions, going from dreamy and ethereal in “Rock Me Gently” to Ultra Homo Disco Diva Go in “La Gloria.” He gets my vote.
However, there’s a quantitative difference in our sample base – Erasure just released their twelfth album while Yaz/Yazoo released two (2) total. Alison does have magnificent phrasing – her solo album Essex has my favorite solo song by her, “Whispering Your Name,” which is a perfectly heartbreaking song in no small part due to her attention in letting a vowel carry just the extra bit required for listener sadness to be induced. I do think she suffers from Stevie Nicks Syndrome a bit – her range isn’t that great, but unlike Nicks, she doesn’t drive me up the wall with that awful nasal intonation.
Comments Off | Posted: February 14th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
One more to show you, then onto the texty portion of today’s bloggery:
Thanks, Ren. I think. If I have nightmares, expect a loud phone call
Inspired by an odd near-interview with a comics personality1, I once again throw this blog open to questions from you, the readers. As a bonus/incentive, there’s a genuine prize for the person who asks the most interesting, thought provoking, funny, or arbitrarily-considered-worthy-query of me, your humble host. You can win the first three issues of JLA Classified, featuring Grant Morrison telling an insane tale (is there any other kind from him?) of Batman versus Gorilla Grodd while the JLA are trapped in another universe.
As far as rules go: I am the one person who gets to say what the greatest question is and any arguing will be met with a stern kick to the rear and possibly some comments about your parentage. This runs until 11:59PM on Wednesday, February 17th. Yup, just a few days this time, so get cracking. Ask in comments, I’ll answer in the blog.
Oh, and FYI, you should read Ed Cunard’s excellent look at blogging, reviewing, and comics journalism online because he managed to avoid the obligatory “Giant Sized” joke in the following bit:
Blogs are, by nature, biased–they’re the opinions and thoughts of one (or a few) people. However, I don’t think any blog is claiming to be anything but that, which is where the difference comes in. Sites generally seem to want some kind of authority–look at how they clamor to get quoted on comics and trades, or to nab “exclusive” interviews, which makes any accusation of bias more damaging than saying, “well, fuck, that Mike Sterling likes Swamp Thing so much, so of course he’s going to slight Man-Thing because he’s biased.”
1No, I won’t go into any detail beyond that, even if you ask.
Comments Off | Posted: February 14th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
For Valentine’s day, I give you the following three images.
This is for Christopher Butcher and any other slash fiends out there.
and
My TV Girlfriend, Katee Sackhoff.
and
My real-life, Boston-apartment-sharing girlfriend, Kristin.
Comments Off | Posted: February 13th, 2005 | Filed under: Uncategorized
Random Comics Notes:
Today, I read the shop’s preview copy of Livewires #1. Adam Warren was the only writer to make me care about the much-maligned-for-a-reason Gen-13 and it’s interesting to compare his technofetishism with Warren Ellis’s. Where Ellis will make something like futurephones or other real-life technology the savior or motive plot element of something like Global Frequency, Adam Warren will break out something from the William Gibson School of Holy Shit That Sounds Amazing like “monomolecular mile-long diamond chains” as a toss-off. It goes to the side as soon as it’s mentioned because Here Comes Another Insane Bit. I appreciate Warren’s approach a lot more than Ellis’s in some ways – he seems to get his geek on while never failing to provide requisite amounts of insanity in the style of one Mister G. Morrison.
Of course, I read superhero comics for something I can’t get in the real world (which may be why Identity Rapin’ And Murderin’ Crisis was a fascinating exercise in pedantry for me), so the more over-the-top the better as long as there’s some craft there. I also admire the fact that unlike something like Young Avengers or Amazing Fantasy, this seems determined to stands on its own while still using elements from the Marvel Universe, such as the technology behind the original Human Torch. Rick Mays keeps up to Warren’s script quite ably – it’s obvious they take the same cues from manga with their own unique, Western approach. Support this book if you want to watch Marvel remove their head from their ass and try different things. I hope that this gets Adam Warren more work with the big two – he’s got something unique to offer and I think the audience is there for him if he gets the right push.
I glanced at that Wolverine #25 there with the killing of the person and I have this to say (highlight to read if you don’t want to be spoilered): I guess if you’re going to have your most kneejerk, murderous “hero” kill someone, it might as well be the gay X-man, right? Claremont would shit himself it were one of his women, the 9 people who like Gambit would write long, awful hate-filled rants that would be mailed to Marvel on the backs of playing cards, and it can’t be any of the straight men – they’re all locked into movie deals!
I also managed to finally get a look at the new Black Panther book. A lot of kerfuffle has been made over Reginald Hudlin’s scripting the citizens of 5th Century Wakanda as speaking in current “street” slang and while it is more than a bit distracting, it’s not as mind-boggingly awful as I’d hoped. Would it have killed Hudlin to call the Panther’s homeland “The Wakizzle?” Really.
Mike at the shop was a real prince recently and secured me a copy of the 1978 Superman Vs Wonder Woman superhuge “treasury” edition comic. Let me tell you, I love the Jose Luis Garcia Lopez. He’s a top-notch artist and his name, oh, it is so much of the fun to say. Decent enough story on this – it’s World War II, Diana is upset over The Bomb (you know, the Atomic one), and this causes some conflict betwixt her and Superman and some other people and oh who cares, really? Explodo, Gerry Conway’s bombastic scripting, glorious art in an oversized format? Well worth your shekels if you see it and the dealer’s not charging more than $10-$15.
