Len Wein! Co-creator of Swamp Thing and the New X-Men! Writer of memorable runs on Amazing Spider-man, Thor, and The Hulk as well as this summer’s favorite comic-book family, The Fantastic Four! Editor of Alan Moore’s groundbreaking Watchmen and the epic Crisis On Infinite Earths! Creator and writer of…Gunfire! Ah, yes, Gunfire, DC’s apparent answer to a question nobody was asking, which was: “What if you gave Tony Stark a very bad haircut, a costume that seems like it came off Jim Lee’s X-Men scrap table, and made sure that Darth Vader was his dad?”

Oh, this comic is one I have a special hate on for. It pains me to look at this single issue, which was yanked out of the fifty-cent bin of my local shop because, hey, there’s Mirror Master! I’m the sort of guy who likes a good Mirror Master appearance because his “mirror-powers” vary wildly from writer to writer, and Grant Morrison’s use of him in Animal Man and JLAmade me actually respect him as a baddie. Grant gets major props to for the we he wrote the character’s dialogue as well, which finally extended beyond a few “laddies” being dropped hither and yon in the James Doohan Style that we’ve come to expect. (NOTE: Apparently, according to a pedantic know-it-all friend of mine, Mirror Master wasn’t Scottish until Grant did some tinkering and the original had died in Crisis, which I recently failed to re-read again after giving up on page 50. I just assumed it was something that previous writers forgot on and off. Color me moronic!)

Anyway, back to Gunfire, as he’s rather the subject of this tome. Boy, what a lame character. Andy Van Horn, millionaire C.E.O, has just taken over his family’s business and is in the process of converting it from heavy arms sales to more benevolent uses. This seems very…_ironman…familiar…somehow. Andy’s rocking the totally past-its-sell-date-in-1994 ponytail look out of costume, and in costume, his beautiful mane seems to disappear thanks to the wraparound Oakley-brand headgear. He also carries around some weapons, like a giant glowing stick (I remember seeing those a lot when I was a raving raver) that’s apparently very menacing for some reason and a gun that shoots out of his hands somehow. I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything involving his gear outside of the waist-based jet pack, which seemed like a fine way to burn your outer calves.

It seems like Andy’s father Gunther, originally assumed to have been killed during Bloodlines, is also his biggest enemy named…and I kid you not…Ragnarok. Christ, can we have one villain not named something apocalyptic? I’d prefer Mister Sinister or The Fiddler to this sort of wanting-to-be-portent-packed pomposity. The issue starts off, admittedly, with a bang, where Gunfire storms into a heavily-weaponed warehouse to confront his pops, just to try to shoot a hologram. Doesn’t Gunfire keep up with these things and know that the supervillain never gets caught in the first 5 pages of any comic, ever? Jeez, guy.

After this scene, we cut to a nice moment in Central Park where Lacey Van Horn is taking exception with Andy’s new direction for the company and thinks that hiring insane Scottish people who terrorize The Flash’s hometown is a fine way to go about effecting change in the organization. I’m sure she would be a smashing success at Microsoft – she’d probably hire the Weather Wizard to smite Steve Ballmer during one of his freakouts just because the company missed delivery on a product. Hasn’t this woman ever heard of working through the board and talking to stockholders?

Andy’s assistant, Ben Nakashima, apparently has a ninja twin brother, which I’m sure means something in later issues, but I just wanted to point out that he’s got a lot more sensible stuff going on in his family life than the title character, and he’s got a ninja for an identical twin.

There’s another bit of moderate interest that could lead to something later on in the series if I had more than zero interest in tracking them down – Andy hires a pair of sexy twin detectives to track down Dear Old Dad and find out if he’s really Darth Vader Ragnarok. No, seriously there’s even more twins – the Gemini Detective Agency, featuring Christian and Kristin Castle. And yes, they are sexy – maybe even with each other. This photo of the comic doesn’t do them any justice in regards to sexiness – Ed Benes totally makes them sexy and my distorting Christian’s head due to not having a scanner doesn’t help show that. OK, who am I kidding – Ed Benes was one of the most formulaic pencillers of the mid-90s, totally doing an Image Light thing on every book he touched. He’s since gotten much stronger, but this stuff must pain him when somebody pulls it out for an autograph – not that anybody bought this.

So, anyway, big corporate meeting interrupted by Mirror Master, fight scene, watch the sexy, sexy twins fight him off, another attack thanks to Lacey’s tossing cash at the Scottish bastard – this one, Gunfire wins instead of the twins! Hooray! Hooray beer! This entire comic is bog-standard, by the numbers, mid-90s DC, which means it is very painful now. I wonder whatever happened to Gunfire, anyway? Please say it was something awful and involved Ben’s ninja twin brother and a meat-cleaver. If somebody can give a brief precis of this character’s end as well as who had what photos of Len Wein that got him to do this book, I’d really appreciate it.

(At this point, I’m realizing that I’ve spent more than one and a half hours looking at and writing about this comic, which I could have used writing my own, far superior comic. I don’t think I can achieve the same smirking satisfaction doing original work, however, and sometimes, I just like being a bully. Give me your lunch money.)

So, this is my penultimate day here at iScribe, the little startup company that thought it could, tried to desperately, and then got smacked down by third party strangeness which left the firm adrift and me abandoning ship, hoping that they manage to stay afloat an extra week or two without my drain on the payroll. Fear not, childrens, daddy’s getting himself a new job with better pay doing technical support for a tiny little software company near his house – a fifteen minute walk from the house, which means I get to avoid the expense of the subway and sleep in a little more, which is rather main selling point.

You may see a dip in Hot Blogging Action for the first few weeks, but I’m sure you all will understand, right? I believe that I’m also going to be working on a few longer pieces such as the Sleeper entry from yesterday; decompression and Kirby have been on my mind a lot, for starters.

Anyhow, as I’m going to be erasing all of my music from this work machine tomorrow, here’s one last playlist, which started about 15 minutes ago.

“L’Arena” by Ennio Morricone
“Depth Charge” by Mad Professor
“Boa Constrictor” by The Magnetic Fields
“Swing Fantasy” by Spacetime Continuum
“Spirit” by The Beloved
“A Gigantic Dub” by Tommy McCook and The Aggrovators
“Organized Crime” by Inner Visions
“Adrift” by Goldie
“The Circus” (Gladiator Mix) by Erasure
“Focus Mel” by Black Dog Productions
“Everybody I Know” by The Jesus And Mary Chain
“If You Don’t Know me By Now” by Zap Pow
“The Queen Is Dead” by The Smiths
“Se a vida e.” (Pink Noise Mix) by Pet Shop Boys
“Independent Introduction” by Fink
“Carpel Tunnel Syndrome” by Kid Koala
“I didn’t get where I am today.” by Pet Shop Boys
“What Is Soul?” by Stereo MCs
“Mint Car” by The Cure
“A Night In Tunisia” by the Charlie Parker All-Stars

After reading Ian’s excellent essay about Sleeper over at Comic Book Galaxy, I spent some time thinking about the failure of the title to make an impact on the market. After considering the quality of both writing and art as well as not-inconsequential matters such as design and packaging, I’ve come to a conclusion that it’s pretty much the fault of Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips. They made the decision to not pander to current tastes and created a unique work that couldn’t grab a place in the hearts and minds of the current fanboy atmosphere that DC and Marvel are creating with their superhero titles.

First of all, 90% of all spandex fans have no emotional investment at all in the Wildstorm universe and they don’t want to start reading anything cold – it’s just not in their nature, as they were raised with the big two and that’s what they’re sticking to. Sure, they may well have tried out the first few Image titles and ran away screaming due to their sheer awfulness, but outside of The Authority (Ellis’s ground-zero book that allowed everyone to jump on board after he wrapped up Stormwatch,) Gen13 (which got better and better and suffered in the sales arena thanks to the rapid drop in T&A and increase in Adam Warren quirkiness,) and WildCats (do we need to document its death, resurrection, re-death, and final life cycle in Volume 3? I think not – it’s another sad story of superhero comics readers not being interested in what was being said,) there’s nothing that binds the reader to this world.

It’s not as if the idea of a “dark” superhero crime thriller didn’t have some market movement around the same time as Sleeper. Peter David’s Madrox was a modest success because it worked some of the darker corners of an established and much-beloved X-universe. I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that the same readers may have been better serviced by Sleeper, which contained a lot more depth, if less laugh-out-loud humor than the (admittedly pretty witty) David’s shorter work. Wildstorm doesn’t have and will never have the core audience that Marvel or DC have – they had a 50+ year head start, after all, and it’s to the work’s detriment that it features a logo, masthead, and fictional world that most comics buyers don’t associate with their childhood memories of hours spent with Who’s Who or The Official Handbook To The Marvel Universe.

Secondly, let’s discuss investment in a character. Putting aside the world itself, Holden Carver is an unknown quantity to the target audience – they don’t know him from Adam, and hell, Green Arrow’s been there since they were a wee lad, chewing in those alphabet blocks and soiling their diapers. This is the thing I find most galling about the majority of comics buyers – they simply don’t care about anything that’s not been shoved down their throat for years and they’re not going to read about a character who wasn’t in the first dozen or so titles that they read, unless he’s introduced in a manner that’s connected to those. The myopic view that affects so many readers is fairly unique to the world of superhero comics – movie fans (yes, there’s crossover) don’t refuse to go to the cinema simply because there’s not a James Bond movie in release and, setting aside the whole CSI and Law And Order franchise phenomenon, regular television viewers jump between worlds without any real thought on their part – they just want a story that will entertain them, regardless of the character’s origins or backstory.

Imagine a voracious prose reader only consuming novels that feature certain characters and never expanding their horizons – outside of the men’s adventure genre that features Mack Bolan and the like, they’d be stuck in a few short months unless they happened to choose licensed novel field instead, which a whole other can of worms. It’s an insult to creators who want to do something new to refuse to read the work simply because the reader hasn’t heard of the characters before, and that’s what fanboys do every Wednesday when they hit their shop. Brubaker and Phillips succeeded in making sure that their audience got enough information to be orientated in the story without resorting to long-winded explanations of motives, but this was never properly appreciated by the majority of the intended audience because they never picked up the book. I’ll admit to having a working knowledge of the established characters of Lynch, Tao, and Grifter, but it certainly wasn’t to the point where I knew every beat of their world in the way that most superhero comics readers know their preferred universes.

Another factor related to the character argument is the basic fact that superheroes, by and large, are designed for children. Enjoyment of their adventures for the sake of the escapism is not a bad thing at all, but editorial direction (with the assistance of marketing information saying that comics readers are, by and large, 25-40 years old, and male) that allows rape and brutal murder to become valid story elements in the main universes means that fanboys can now feel justified in their love of spandex adventure. It feels “mature” to them when a villain like Dr. Light becomes a rapist¹, so they feel that they’re being treated as an adult in regards to their escapist reading material. So, whereas superhero comics were once readable to a broader audience, they’re now reduced to giving fan service to the rapidly shrinking segment that feels like they’re finally justified in their enjoyment of the genre and a truly adult title like Sleeper holds less appeal to them – it’s not Hawkman being put through the paces here, so it’s just not worthy of their interest, even with many tropes of superhero stories on display and played with in interesting ways, usually involving black humor, which returns us to the comparison of this title to other “realistic” or “dark” mysteries or dramas with capes. It may be this lack of black humor that keeps Ex Machina up and running while Sleeper failed; nobody likes being shown the absurdity of something they’ve invested (literally and emotionally) so much into, and the sincerity in Ex Machina can be almost cloying at times.

I suppose I come off as rather bitter here, and you’re right – I am. Arguments such as “90% of new titles are crap” and the like don’t hold much water for me in an environment that allows the reader to sample the material and read reviews from sources outside of Wizard. The sad fact is that most fanboys simply don’t want to try something new out of sheer laziness and that’s exactly the sort of thing that ends up killing quality titles before their time.

As Sleeper and the similar-in-tone Human Target were both given proper conclusions at around the two-year mark, maybe it’s time for DC and Marvel to consider lowering paper grades a notch, which would greatly increase their per-book profit on a $2.95 title and look at selling one-to-two year arcs at numbers that are below their norm, but still far above even the most successful title from Slave Labor, Oni, or AiT. Is this even feasible, though, in this day and age where making sure they’re number one and titles “sell out” constantly seems to be more important than the quality of the work delivered?

Magneto Was Right.

Magneto Was Right.
Originally uploaded by BeaucoupKevin.

Hi, Ian.

OK, so the official site makes it hard to find for some reason (probably something those Germans at Volkswagen thought was a fine idea because of their sponsorship,) but here’s a direct link to the high-bandwidth trailer for the Peter Jackson King Kong remake. I don’t like remakes in general – they’re the sort of thing that makes me hate Hollywood’s creativity-free zombie flagellation of itself – but Jackson is One Of Us and A Fan, so I was going to give this a fair shot; the Giant Ape Factor was only ancillary. Honest.

I’ve now gone beyond that state of mind and now declare that this will rock unless the trailer uses the only decent footage and the rest of the movie are outtakes from Clambake or Blue Hawaii. Special note should be made of the editors using a longer scene to establish Utter Menace before doing the irritating-as-fuck-beat-fade-to-black-then-next-scene cuts that are so prevalent now. I sort of hoped that they’d totally 1930s the trailer, making it five minutes long and feature the director pimping the film in an overblown narration, but that’s because I’m a sad, sad man.

An open note to the director: Don’t prove me wrong, Jackson. You’ve been on a hell of a roll lately, culminating in that big epic fantasy trilogy that you adapted near-perfectly (I do not like that much slash in my Hobbit Adventure,) and I’ve loved your work since Jennifer Fasel introduced me to Heavenly Creatures oh so long ago. I enjoyed Dead Alive and thought that The Frighteners was better than the critics were willing to concede.

No, I’ve not seen Meet The Feebles. I loathe puppets and can only watch Greg The Bunny thanks to Sarah Silverman.

No, it’s not a personal thing against you, man.

Get off my back, man!

It’s on my queue now, OK?

Fine!

Jerk.

Don’t you slam the door!

Marvel Solicitations for September? Do I have to?

OK, fine. But you asked for it, remember that. I’m doing this in the order that it appears on the linked page, so pay close attention.

Maximum Fantastic Four is one of those cultural artifacts that I find sorely tempting but, you know, I’ve done quite enough thinking about that particular comic, and the $50 price point, even with my Stupid Discount, makes me pause. Still, if anyone’s wondering what to get me for Christmas…

House Of M? Whatever.

Ultimate Fantastic Four, I can’t be bothered with, which is depressing. The idea of a crossover puts me off right away, and even if it’s not “our” Marvel Universe that Ultimate Reed has discovered, the hype puts me off. Besides, the “4″ logo on Sue’s chest (Cor! She grew a set!) looks wrong on the cover. Yes, I can be that pedantic. If you want to make something of it, let’s go outside.

Ultimate Secret #3 is only four months late thanks to McNiven. We get Raney instead, which makes my eyes hurt unless he’s undergone some sort of Joe Bennett-style transformation.

Ultimate Iron Maaaaaaa- Sorry. Yawning.

The “core” Ultimate titles seem to scream WFTT unless you’re a Hitch Art Junkie like myself. Ultimate Havok, though, for those of you obsessed with the never-ending Summers Brothers Saga.

I really, really wish that I could like Spider-Girl, but that second-person narration in the first trade put me off the title entirely, which is rather depressing as the issue featured here seems to be right up my alley.

Ghost Rider – not even Ennis can make me care that much. I’ll be getting this month’s Essential Ghost Rider as I love me some 70s Marvel, but this seems like it’s trying too hard. Dorian mentions (and I can back him up with my own observations) that the character seems to appeal to kids and I can’t imagine Ennis writing an all-ages version of any character.

The first Morgan/Sienkiewicz Black Widow series was very enjoyable and, dodgy cover anatomy aside, I expect this one to be just as good, probably a little better thanks to Sean Phillips being involved. Sean Phillips makes everything better. He’s like bukkake that way.

You know how Steve McNiven wasn’t able to finish Ultimate Secret? Well, he found time to do a Marvel Knights Spider-Man cover. To be fair, Ellis (in one of his BAD SIGNAL messages) said that McNiven’s had some shit going down in his life, so I can’t begrudge this sort of thing completely. Besides, covers are easier.

I’m WFTT on Lapham’s Daredevil vs Punisher thing, which I’m sure will be quite good, but boy, his art sure does look weird in high-def, computerized color to me.

This latest Millarverine issue seems to be something I’m sort of interested in, so I’ll give it an on-the-stands gander. Kaare Andrews’s cover is right up my alley, as it features a Nazi and Logan in pain. We need more Nazis torturing people on covers, and then getting their comeuppance in the last few pages of the comic.

Last month, I stated that Sienkiewicz did the cover of Daredevil #76 when it was, in fact, a lovely homage by Maleev. He does the realistic thing again on the second issue of Bendis’s last arc, and it looks like a thing of beauty as the design outweighs my normal issues in regards to “realistic” depictions of people in superhero titles.

The Sentry gets his own series called, surprisingly enough, The Sentry. I enjoyed the miniseries and tie-in issues quite a lot, so I may give this a chance, even if it connects to the stunning-in-its-glacial-pacing New Avengers. (For those of you wondering what I’d like to see more of in an Avengers book, please refer to this post by Campbell, where one gets reminded of the days when The Beast and Wonder Man would get hammered and run into Giant Robots on their way back to the mansion the next morning.)

Yes, I’m buying that Franklin Richards comic and I hope that it’s good kid’s fare. They tend to not like comics that are obvious in their pandering, but Eliopoulous’s humor work doesn’t really aim too low and makes me laugh more consistently than highly-praised books like Amelia Rules.

Drax The Destroyer reimagined? Written by Giffen, drawn by Breitweiser? I am there. No, really, I am. Stop looking at me like that.

More Giffen/DeMatteis Defenders is, I presume, a good thing. I’d like to see a good “serious” take on these characters, actually.

Thor gets a retro-flavord mini while Marvel waits and waits and waits to bring him back. I’ll give it a look, as Oeming wrote him well enough and Kolins is one of my favorites.

Young Avengers has what looks to be a Very Special We’re All Queer issue, which may or may not be handled well. For every bit player like Maggie Sawyer or Renee Montoya¹ that superhero comics come up with, there’s Northstar sitting there, denied any ass at all by editorial before getting whacked real dead and zombiefied. Poor Gay Dead Zombie Northstar. I do think that Young Avengers has done so much better than it has any right to do because Heinberg’s writing reveals that these kids have good hearts without their explicitly reminding the readers ofthis fact on every page and there’s a lot of thought behind their actions, and I’m hopeful that he’ll out a character tastefully.

Ellis denies he’s doing a new Champions book, but that Marvel Milestones sure does look to be setting something up anyway, doesn’t it?

I don’t care what any of you say, the cover to The Pulse #11 is genius. I love Baby-Goo-Goo-Face Wolverine, possibly in a homoerotic manner. Two things, though. 1) Why is that baby so damned white, if it’s Luke Cage’s? 2) Why is it dead-looking? Did Mike Mayhew use a doll for reference? Does he not know that you can go to Flickr and see many, many cute babies, including my current favorite?

Despite the fact that I think the toy-line-influenced concept is complete cack, Lou Kang’s cover for Mega Morphs is dead, dead good. At least this featured the return of Red Ronin, which will make a few people I know happy.

Boy, I just glanced at the X-Men books and with the exception of that rather excellent Nightcrawler cover, I’m totally stifling a yawn.

Max Comics are extremely mature and serious, and if you didn’t know it before, Nighthawk wants to remind you. Grr. It does match nicely with the Hyperion cover, though, and I’m wondering if they’ll be that clever for the whole of these two Supreme Power spinoff minis. Imagine if the Cover for 2 showed Hyperion enjoying a sandwich stoically while Nighthawk had sushi with a grimace on his face, 3 using a miniature golf motif, etc.

More Marvel Flip Magazines. Yay.

Trades, trades, trades. Black Panther isn’t a hardcover buy for me, but I’ll get the Ultimate Spider-Man Volume 6 hardcover as that’s how I’ve been collecting that series. Captain Marvel gets his own Masterworks, which may well make somebody out there happy, but I don’t care, really. That Golden Age Human Torch one, though, may well be sorely tempting – I’d need to have the Golden Age Sub-Mariner volume to feel I have a right to it, however.

Alice should buy the Punisher Max hardcover, as it’s got lots and lots of violence by her boyfriend Garth Ennis. Alice and Garth, sitting in a tree…

Wolverine Classic Volume 2? Yeah, I’m buying it. I’m stupid like that. I should just buy Essential Wolverine, I guess, as I hate actually spending money on a character I only like in a certain context.

I’m ignoring that Gambit trade, as it seems designed to make sure I want to punch my computer screen.

Avengers: The Serpent Crown is a must-buy for me. Engelhart + Perez + Squadron Supreme + Kang = t3h r0x0r. Both Essentials volumes are pretty much no-brainers, too. I like the first few Ghost Rider stories a fair amount, and Amazing Spider-Man is, well, you know, a comic from that era that I very much like. This may be the last one for me, actually, as I don’t think there’s much past issue #150 that I need to have. You can feel free to prove me wrong.

Do you want to follow along? Click here. The big guns have, thankfully, stopped being quite as stupid for this week, so there’s only a few things of note from their end of the business:

Image

FEB051642 KEU CHA PIRATE DARKNESS LITHO $19.99

Boy, that is ugly. At least it’s not Witchblade!

Marvel

FEB058021 CAPTAIN AMERICA LTD ED VARIANT #6 $2.99
APR058048 HOUSE OF M COIPEL GATEFOLD VARIANT #1 (OF 8) $2.99

It’s fun to sell the same comics again and again!

APR051920 MARVEL HEROES FLIP MAGAZINE #1 $3.99
APR051924 MARVEL SELECT FLIP MAGAZINE #1 $3.99

Has anyone seen these in the flesh yet? Are they as weird as I suspect they are?

APR051963 X-MEN PHOENIX ENDSONG HC $19.99

Why a hardcover immediately? Not that the price is bad, I’m just curious.

FEB052410 MARVEL MILESTONES SILVER SURFER STATUE $150.00
FEB052413 MARVEL UNIVERSE VENOM BUST $50.00
FEB052412 SILVER AGE FANTASTIC FOUR THING MED STATUE $85.00
FEB053791 SPIDER-MAN AMAZING SPIDER-MAN STATUE $49.95
FEB052411 SPIDER-MAN WALL STATUE $75.00

Well, I’m glad I don’t collect the statues. You’d think they’d coordinate these things with the fanboy’s wallet in mind.

Previews Publications

MAY050003 MARVEL PREVIEWS JULY 2005 EXTRAS PI
MAY050006 PREVIEWS ADULT VOL XV #7 PI
MAY050007 PREVIEWS CATALOG PACK EXTRAS VOL XV #7 PI
MAY050002 PREVIEWS VOL XV #7 PI
MAY050004 PREVIEWS VOL XV CONSUMER ORDER FORM #7 PI
MAY050005 PREVIEWS VOL XV CONSUMER ORDER FORM EXTRAS #7 PI
MAY050009 PREVIEWS VOL XV RETAILER ORDER FORM EXTRAS #7 PI

Well, they do sort of suck, don’t they? Exclusive distribution deals with the big four and their lack of support for the smaller companies (and don’t tell me that “Certified Cool” is enough) drives me bugfuck. Oh, Diamond. Do better, please.

Other Companies

MAR052512 10TH MUSE VOL 2 #2 $2.99
MAR052513 10TH MUSE VOL 2 PHOTO CVR FOIL ED #2 $4.99

Alias Publishing wants to be taken seriously. I can’t quite get there with stuff like this on their docket.

MAY052561 BRIAN PULIDOS BELLADONNA MOONLIGHT ED #4 (OF 5) $5.99
MAY052565 BRIAN PULIDOS LADY DEATH SWIMSUIT PRISM FOIL CVR 2005 $12.99
MAR052652 BRIAN PULIDOS MEDIEVAL LADY DEATH #4 $3.99
MAR052655 BRIAN PULIDOS MEDIEVAL LADY DEATH FOIL INC #4 PI
MAY052560 BRIAN PULIDOS MEDIEVAL LADY DEATH PORTRAIT ED #1 $5.99
MAR052654 BRIAN PULIDOS MEDIEVAL LADY DEATH PREMIUM CVR #4 $9.99
MAR052653 BRIAN PULIDOS MEDIEVAL LADY DEATH WRAPAROUND #4 $3.99
MAY052563 BRIAN PULIDOS UNHOLY PRISM CVR #1 $12.99
MAY052564 BRIAN PULIDOS UNHOLY SURE SHOT CVR #2 $5.99
MAR052656 BRIAN PULIDOS WAR ANGEL #3 (OF 3) $3.50
MAR052658 BRIAN PULIDOS WAR ANGEL ADRIAN CVR #3 (OF 3) $3.50
MAR052660 BRIAN PULIDOS WAR ANGEL PREMIUM CVR #3 (OF 3) $9.99
MAR052659 BRIAN PULIDOS WAR ANGEL RYP CVR #3 (OF 3) $3.50
MAR052657 BRIAN PULIDOS WAR ANGEL WRAPAROUND CVR #3 (OF 3) $3.50
MAY052566 LADY DEATH LEATHER & LACE 2005 KILLER BODY ED $5.99
APR052711 LADY DEATH DEAD RISING MARTIN LITHO $29.99
MAR052674 MEDIEVAL LADY DEATH REIS LITHO $29.99

Seriously, a real girlfriend is far, far cheaper than this stuff.

FEB052758 COSPLAY KOROMO CHAN VOL 1 TP (RES) $9.95

Every time I see the word “cosplay,” I start running for the hills. Yes, I feel the same about dudes what dress up as Klingons, too. Women wearing classic Trek uniforms, however, are encouraged.

MAR053505 DEAD OR ALIVE ULTIMATE BEST SHOT SC $44.99

One hopes that this is the true story behind the 80s band who made us all do a stupid dance with “You Spin me Round (Like A Record),” but I rather doubt it.

APR052799 FORGOTTEN REALMS DARK ELF HOMELAND CVR A #1 (OF 3) $4.95
APR052800 FORGOTTEN REALMS DARK ELF HOMELAND CVR B #1 (OF 3) $8.95

I’m a wizard! One who lives in his parent’s basement! And can spend $8.95 on a variant cover! Now, I must make sure I roll 2D20 and get the saving throw before my Cloak Of Nerdishness is eaten by that grue!

Note: Yes, I know not all fans of RPGs are cellar-dwelling freaks, but it’s much more fun to think of them that way.

FEB052759 HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS VOL 3 TP (RES) (MR) $9.95

Tsk. I bet this is pedo-vibe manga or something.

MAR052965 METAL GEAR SOLID VOL 1 S&N HC $50.00

Seriously, if you go and spend $50 on a hardcover, signed version of a comic book based on a video game, I’ve got no recourse shy of wailing on you with my friend, Mr. Socket Wrench.

APR052951 SHAUN OF THE DEAD #1 (OF 4) $3.99
APR052952 SHAUN OF THE DEAD #1 SIGNED ED $19.99

I fully support the idea of bringing the one zombie movie I like into the comics world, but recouping your licensing fee with a signed variant doesn’t endear me to your efforts one bit. At least it’s not…

MAY052530 STARGATE SG1 DANIELS SONG ROYAL BLUE ED #1 $75.00

You’re kidding me, right?

APR052732 TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE VOL 3 TP (MR) $24.99

OK, so sometimes, for a bit of a laugh, I’ll open up an issue of Tarot just to see what havoc Jim Balent’s brought to the medium on any given month. In the back few pages is the fanspaffing section, where, and I am not lying to you, women dress up in the costumes that Jim designs. I may hate his artwork with ever fiber of my being, but c’mon…if he can work some kinda hoojoo that makes women wear crazy shit like this, then I’m going to stay on his good side.

MAR053513 TRANSFORMERS FIRST SERIES COMPLETE SC $57.99

You can love your Robots In Disguise, just don’t love your Robots In Disguise.

MAY052334 WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE FANTASTIC 4 PHOTO CVR #166 $5.99
MAY052333 WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE HOUSE OF M CVR #166 $5.99

Do you smell that? It’s corporate BS pumped through an inane fratboy joke filter!

Random Merchandise

FEB053769 FAMILY GUY STEWIE IMPEDED ME STATUE $34.94
FEB053768 FAMILY GUY STEWIE QUICK & PAINLESS STATUE $34.94
JAN053642 FAMILY GUY STEWIE YOUR UPPANCE STATUE $34.94

Wow, I wonder who loves Family Guy enough to even think about a statue? Wait…probably the same person who’d buy…

APR054120 SIMPSONS BLINKY AS BUMBLEBEEMAN FISHING LURE $12.99
APR054121 SIMPSONS BLINKY AS THE PET FROG FISHING LURE $12.99
APR054122 SIMPSONS BLINKY ATOMIC GHOST FISHING LURE $12.99
APR054123 SIMPSONS BLINKY TOXIC TUNA FISHING LURE $12.99

I don’t think I would want to catch the sort of fish that goes after Simpsons-themed lures.

MAY053819 LOTR SWORD OF EOWYN $296.97
MAY053820 LOTR WHITE GLAMDRING SCABBARD $169.99

No. Fucking. Shame.

JAN053661 TRANSFORMERS SHOCKWAVE MINI STATUE $64.99

Shockwave was a raving asshole – don’t tell me otherwise. I’m sure Jason’s going to order three.

Enough bitterness. It’s time for the…

Dark Horse

JAN050091 BETTIE PAGE MINI BUST $44.95

Must…resist…obvious…joke.

DC Comics

APR050388 ALBION #1 (OF 6) $2.99

Alan Moore plots with scripts by his daughter, Leah, and John Reppion. The preview looks tempting, so I’ll try it. Shane Oakley’s pencils look a lot like Risso, whichi s a good thing if he manages to do his own thing, and hell – there’s a Cyberman in there.

APR050394 CITY OF TOMORROW #3 (OF 6) (MR) $2.99

If you’ve not picked this up now, wait for the trade…or at least hope there is one. I’m shocked that they’ve not put his Challengers of the Unknown in trade yet, as it was quite enjoyable when read straight through, even if the individual issues were disjointed-feeling.

APR050340 JLA CLASSIFIED #9 $2.99

I’ve been enjoying this run, but I’m all fired up for Ellis and Guice.

FEB050346 LOEG THE ABSOLUTE ED VOL 2 OVERSIZED HC $75.00

No, I didn’t order it. Yes, it’s very, very lovely.

MAR050468 PLANETARY #23 $2.99

About damned time. Give me Cassaday doing this any time over that X-Men’s Greatest Hits Volume 2 thing he’s doing with Whedon.

APR050351 SEVEN SOLDIERS SHINING KNIGHT #3 (OF 4) $2.99

Yeah, I don’t need to say anything.

APR050353 SOLO #5 $4.99

Darwyn Cooke’s issue! Try to keep me away from this and suffer a horrible, horrible fate.

Marvel

MAR051888 SPIDER MAN HUMAN TORCH #5 (OF 5) $2.99
APR051914 YOUNG AVENGERS #5 $2.99

I’m WFTTing on both of these, but I read them each month as they come out – both are superior examples of superhero comics that are all-ages and not at all stupid.

Other Companies

MAY052907 CAVALCADE OF BOYS VOL 2 TP (MR) $14.00

I am not a gay man, so I probably don’t get as much out of this as I should, but Tim Fish is a local guy who does really nice comics, so you should give him some money. Thanks.

JAN052366 ESSENTIAL ARSENIC LULLABY VOL 1 HC SGN $45.99

I love Arsenic Lullaby because it’s not afraid to be utterly wrong, but I nearly put this on the “Shit That’s Killing Comics” List, as this sort of thing screams “Huuuuubris!” like Fred Flintstone used to bellow his wife’s name.

APR052912 LIFE AND TIMES OF SCROOGE MCDUCK TP $16.99

Hey, nice! About time.

MAR052582 MR T #1 $3.50
APR053004 NAT TURNER #1 $3.00

One of these is a historic comic about a controversial black figure who fought for injustice using extreme methods and is written and drawn by Kyle Baker. The other is made by people who mean well, but don’t realize that they’re taking the material far, far too seriously. I’ll let you pick which is which.

Now that I’m back from Oregon, we’ll talk about comics again. Speaking of Oregon, major thanks to Doug and Kari for hosting me and being two of my absolutely favorite people. In case you didn’t notice, down below are links to photos I took while on my trip. I wish I could write a travelogue type thing well, but they generally end up as rants against the airline industry. Let’s just say I did all the things I wanted to do in Portland and had a blast doing it.

And, hey! What do you get when you take the munchies, a fast food drive through and a diaper-wearing monkey and mix them all together? The first ten minutes of my next movie!

Detail.

Detail.
Originally uploaded by BeaucoupKevin.

What’s that? You wondered if I was going to add yet another batch of photos from Portland, this time from the Portland International Rose Test Garden and the Japanese Garden? Well, if you go here, you can see just that very thing!

Haystack Rock.

Haystack Rock.
Originally uploaded by BeaucoupKevin.

It’s very fucking large.

More photos from Portland added to my photo set from this trip.

I’m having a fabulous time. Tomorrow, it’s the Japanese Garden and the Portland Rose Test Garden.

Photos from Portland, OR.

Typical BeaucoupKevin Shot.
Originally uploaded by BeaucoupKevin.

First set of photos I’ve taken while in Portland, OR are up here.

MAY050099 KOTOBUKIYA DARTH VADER SOFT VINYL MODEL KIT (O/A) $99.99

I don’t care how nice a model of the Dark Lord Of The Sith this here thing is, $99 can buy someone a fair amount of good comics or heck, even some not-very-decent-at-all ones.

FEB051578 GRAY AREA VOL 1 ALL OF THIS CAN BE YOURS HC SGN $39.95

OK, yes, this is a hardcover version of a 6-issue mini, but the trade paperback came out last week and I don’t think my shop moved a single copy because it’s not any damn good, even with JRjr doing the art chores. Sad, that, as he’s one of my favorites.

APR051676 THE GIFT #12 $2.99

Raven Gregory spews the most ridiculously hyperbolic bile when pitching his addlebrained, derivative prattle to the masses. The core concept is solid enough – a mysterious figure (given the shockingly unoriginal name of “The Ancient One,” which will certainly be a little familiar to fans of Dr. Strange) hands out a special power/ability to ordinary, seemingly random people. However, combine the hackneyed way this is handled with completely inappropriate art and Gregory’s inability to shut up about his personal life on the Image message boards, you have a book that I want to see kicked to the curb.

APR052735 ART OF JIM BALENT MAGICK IN B&W #1 $14.99

This is some value of “art” that I’m not aware of, isn’t it?

MAY052562 BRIAN PULIDOS BELLADONNA NOUVEAU ED #5 (OF 5) $5.99
MAY052639 BRIAN PULIDOS LADY DEATH ABANDON ALL HOPE #1/2 COMMEMORATIVE $5.99

What the hell can this crap commemorate? Seriously? The Treaty of Vienna? 30 years of excellent performance on the job by some QA engineer at GM?

Oh, no, wait! We’re commemorating boobies! Yay!

MAR052848 DF BATMAN DARK DETECTIVE #1 SGN $19.99
FEB052800 DF DAY OF VENGEANCE #1 SGN $19.99
MAR052859 DF FALLEN ANGEL #20 SGN (NOTE PRICE) $6.99
MAR052845 DF GREEN LANTERN #1 VAN SCRIVER SGN $19.99
MAR052847 DF RANN THANAGAR WAR #1 SGN $34.99
JAN052730 DF SUPERMAN #215 SGN $19.99

Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it.

MAY052536 FRANK MILLERS ROBOCOP IRATE OFFICER LEWIS ED #8 (OF 9) (MR) $5.99M

For the love of God, somebody tell me that this is some kinda hypermanga edition of this comic that won’t stop coming out. Who is driving car? Irate Officer Lewis is driving car! Oh no! How can that be! Oh, Tom Cruise! Show me the money! Axel Foley and Judge Reinhold!¹

APR052908 FULL CIRKLE CVR A #1 SIGNED ED $9.95
APR052909 FULL CIRKLE CVR B #1 SIGNED ED $9.95
APR052907 FULL CIRKLE PREVIEW BOOK SIGNED ED (MR) $4.95

C’mon, spell circle correctly. Your trite, bad-metal-band version of the word is not clever or spooky or anything that’s remotely connected to those words.

APR053794 NEW AVENGERS BY DAVID FINCH T/S LG $17.95
APR053793 NEW AVENGERS BY DAVID FINCH T/S MED $17.95
APR053792 NEW AVENGERS BY DAVID FINCH T/S SM $17.95
APR053795 NEW AVENGERS BY DAVID FINCH T/S XL $17.95
APR053796 NEW AVENGERS BY DAVID FINCH T/S XXL $20.95

Who asked for this? Please. give me their name and address so we can have a conversation that involves my fist + their crotch. We don’t need to let the whole world know how ugly the art in one of our comic books can be, do we? Wearing this shirt guarantees that you’re never, ever going to meet a nice girl and settle down.

Now, what do we like that’s coming out this week, or at least feel is worthy of minor snark?

Dark Horse

APR050017 HELLBOY THE ISLAND #1 (OF 2) $2.99

The only excuse I have for missing this the first time I compiled the STKC list for this week is that I started work on it at 4.30 in the morning. I’ll repeat that – four colon thirty in the ante meridiem. You’re buying this, right? It’s Hellboy, goddammit.

APR050020 MAN WITH THE SCREAMING BRAIN #2 (OF 4) $2.99

Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce!

FEB050066 STEVE RUDE THE MOTH VOL 1 TP $12.95

Man, this sure is pretty, but I couldn’t read more than 5 pages at a time. Your mileage may vary, of course.

DC Comics

APR050389 ASTRO CITY THE DARK AGE #1 (OF 16) (RES) $2.99

Finally, the customers that hound the guys at the shop each and every week for Astro City-related goodness will knock it off, at least until the title ships late starting around issue 4. I sort of lost interest, myself, with the Local Heroes series.

MAR058201 DAY OF VENGEANCE #1 THIRD PTG $2.50
APR058283 DAY OF VENGEANCE #2 SECOND PTG $2.50

It’s scary, how well these are selling. Me, I don’t care, really. I didn’t need a “serious” version of Blue Devil. you know?

APR050412 OTHERWORLD #4 (OF 12) (MR) $2.99

No, no, no, you mean “(Of 7)” because Phil Jimenez has to draw Infinite Crisis.

APR050300 YEAR ONE BATMAN SCARECROW #2 (OF 2) $5.99

*yawn* to all of these “Year One” tie-in things.

Image Comics

APR051673 FLAMING CARROT COMICS #3 (NOTE PRICE) $3.50

Did you read Bob Burden’s interview in The Comics Journal last month? You should have.

MAR051735 MONSTER WAR TOMB RAIDER VS WOLF MEN #2 (OF 4) $2.99

Who wins here, people? The readers. The readers win.

Marvel Comics

APR051945 DREAM POLICE #1 $3.99

You know, it’s JMS and Mike Deodato dedicating themselves to the ouvre of Cheap Trick, so it’s going to be fucking excellent.

Wait, what?

No, seriously, it’s about cops that patrol people’s dreams?

Fuck, knowing Straczynski, it’ll take seventeen issues before the first arrest.

Oh, wait, it’s a one-shot. Clever, clever. No long arc, so maybe he’ll actually get something done.

APR051953 FANTASTIC FOUR OMNIBUS HC PI
FEB058041 FANTASTIC FOUR OMNIBUS HC VARIANT DUST JACKET (PP #665) PI

Buy me this, with the original Kirby Cover, please. Here, I’ve even made it easy for you.

FEB058519 FANTASTIC FOUR DIRECTORS CUT #527 $3.99

This was not a bad comic, really, but I don’t think anyone was clamoring for a director’s cut.

APR051868 HOUSE OF M #2 (OF 8) $2.99
JAN058161 HOUSE OF M DODSON VARIANT COVER #2 (OF 8) $2.99

I love the dates on these solicits. The variant was solicited in January? What? Mike at my shop made the best comment about the series: “The ‘M’ is for mediocre!” I would be hard-pressed to disagree.

APR051923 MARVEL ADVENTURES FLIP MAGAZINE #1 $3.99

Has anyone seen these beasts yet?

APR051970 MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS WOLVERINE CLASSIC VOL 1 TP $12.99

OK, I kind of want it. The Claremont-riffing-on-Caniff scripts are perfectly serviceable without playing to his worst tropes and Buscema does that drawing thing really, really well.

APR051959 MARVEL MASTERWORKS GOLDEN AGE SUB-MARINER VOL 1 HC VAR ED $54.99
APR051958 MARVEL MASTERWORKS GOLDEN AGE SUB-MARINER VOL 1 NEW ED HC $49.99

I was so very tempted to order this – Bill Everett’s got a lot of raw power in these old stories and you get to see Namor being an arrogant ass to just about everyone he meets. I think he may have punched dolphins back then, just because he could.

FEB051909 NEW AVENGERS #6 $2.25
SEP048065 NEW AVENGERS #6 HITCH VARIANT $2.25

I understand that in this issue, they talk more about Spider-Woman having a fabulous ass. That Hitch variant (I know, I know) will get a looking-at by me, as I’ve speculated I wouldn’t mind this title that much at all with his art on it.

APR051869 SPIDER-MAN HOUSE OF M #1 (OF 5) $2.99

Sort of lethargic and cliché-heavy for a first issue of an “alternate universe” title. Peter’s a hyper-successful mutant businessman and a real ass to everyone. Eh. I’m sure someone will find it interesting.

Other Companies What Aren’t Huge And Stuff

MAY052571 ALAN MOORES HYPOTHETICAL LIZARD TAROT CVR #2 (OF 4) $3.99

I love Alan to tiny little pieces, which combine and form a grizzled British wizard, but I can’t make heads or tails of any of this material.

APR053105 BATTLE ROYALE VOL 13 GN (OF 14) (MR) $9.99

I suppose an argument could be made that this is excessive, but I rather think that’s the point. Having read the novel before seeing the movie or reading the manga, I’ve got to say that its point is probably going to be lost on audiences of the last the most – Giffen’s scripting/translation doesn’t quite make sure that the readers understand why this is all happening and what it represents. Still, it’s beautifully drawn and for fans who have read/seen the other incarnations, it serves as a nice adaptation.

APR052960 CASTLEVANIA THE BELMONT LEGACY #4 (OF 5) $3.99

I think video game comics should be burned. As I was never any damned good at this game, I think this should be burned, reconstituted, then burned again.

MAY052567 FRIDAY THE 13TH SP BLOOD RED CON ED #1 $4.99
MAY052570 NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET SP BLOOD RED CON ED #1 $4.99
MAY052569 TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE SP BLOOD RED CON ED #1 $4.99

Oh, “Con” editions. This…seems like an appropriate abbreviation to me.

MAR053031 GRAVE GRRRLS DESTROYERS OF THE DEAD #2 (MR) $2.99

You’re so fucking extreme with your three “R”s.

MAR053051 HARDY BOYS VOL 2 IDENTITY THEFT GN $7.95
MAR053052 HARDY BOYS VOL 2 IDENTITY THEFT HC $12.95
MAR053053 NANCY DREW VOL 2 WRIT IN STONE GN $7.95
MAR053054 NANCY DREW VOL 2 WRIT IN STONE HC $12.95

Hey, a reasonable pricepoint on a hardcover version. I wonder if this is the “library” style with the art and copy placed directly onto the title instead using a dust jacket. That’d be kinda groovy to see.
Note: my definition of “groovy” may not match your own.

MAR052509 KILLER STUNTS INC #2 (OF 4) (NOTE PRICE) $2.99

Holy shitburgers! A second issue from Alias! Maybe those scrappy underdogs will make it after all!

…

Aw, I can’t even fake it, can I?

DEC042702 NANANANA VOL 1 GN $9.99

I just like saying “nananana” a lot.

Nananana.

It’s even better if you do it in the style of The Six Million Dollar Man.

MAR053076 QUEEN & COUNTRY DECLASSIFIED VOL 3 #1 (OF 3) (MR) $2.95

About time. Note that this is written by Antony Johnston instead of Rucka, which means it may actually come out on time, unlike the title that spawned this. What’s up with the delay on my favorite spy series? Tell me! I demand it!

Disclaimer: This panic concerning a comic book may or may not have to do with the fact that I have a huge crush on Tara Chace. Shuddup.

It’s 6:12 AM as I finish this up, I’ve got some packing to do for my trip to beautiful Portland, Oregon tomorrow, and Kristin wants me to lug some stuff to the post office for her before she takes off on her unrelated cross-country sojourn with Lynn. I probably won’t update again today, so find something else to do with your time.

Go read this thing about Grant Morrison basically ensuring that I have some interest in DC for the next few years. A quote:

�Recreating properties is something I do between jobs for my own amusement and to exercise my head but Dan was clearly intrigued by the wealth of material and asked me if I�d like to accept a job as DC�s official �revamp� guy.�

Both DiDio and Morrison stressed that the writer isn�t pulling books or concepts out from under creators and handing them back a radically altered concept that they have to shoehorn into their existing plans, rather, Morrison is looking through DC�s catalog of characters and concepts that haven�t seen the light of day for a while, and �re-imagining� them for a modern audience. Rather than working with the “known” of the DCU, Morrison is looking to bring back the unknown to today’s fans, or at the very least, the largely forgotten and lost to time.

You may find yourself asking “But Kevin, what does this mean to you and how much you bitch and gripe about NuDC in this here blog?” Well, with Johns playing continuity cop for the “big guns,” (who will, from what inklings I’ve gleaned, be much less grim-and-gritty when all is said and done) and Morrison getting to have a field day with the Gone And Forgotten, I may well not completely mind the post-Infinite Crisis playing field.

One hopes, anyway. Besides, I’ve got this Sugar And Spike revamp sitting on my desk, just taking up space…

DC Solicits for September have been put up early.

Of unusual note, at least to me:

SUPERMAN: BIRTHRIGHT TP
Written by Mark Waid�
Art and cover by Leinil Yu & Gerry Alanguilan

A new softcover edition collecting the 12-issue miniseries that features the entire modern-day retelling of Superman by writer Mark Waid and artists Leinil Francis Yu & Gerry Alanguilan. Plus, an introduction by Smallville television producers Al Gough & Miles Millar and a sketchbook section!?On sale Sept 28 // 304 pg, FC, $19.99 USM

I actually really, really liked this series and think that it fixes a lot of the problems I’ve hard with the since-Byrne version of the character, making him more “super.”

KAMANDI ARCHIVES VOL. 1 HC
Written by Jack Kirby
Art by Kirby & Mike Royer
Cover by Kirby

The first archive in a series collecting the adventures of Kamandi, the last boy on Earth, by Jack Kirby! In these tales from KAMANDI #1-10 (1972-1973), Kamandi – one of the few survivors of the Great Disaster – must make his way in a world populated by bizarre mutated animals and other strange wonders!
On sale Sept 14 // 244 pg, FC, $49.99 US

BeaucoupKevin: EEEEEE.
BeaucoupKevin: EEEEEEEEE.
BeaucoupKevin: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
BeaucoupKevin: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Ed Cunard: Can I mail you some new underwears, the kind without semen in them?

SGT. ROCK’S COMBAT TALES VOL. 1
Written by Robert Kanigher
Art by Joe Kubert, Jerry Grandenetti, Irv Novick and Russ Heath
Cover by Kubert

A digest-sized collection reprinting SGT. ROCK’S PRIZE BATTLE TALES, plus stories from the pages of G.I. COMBAT and OUR ARMY AT WAR! It’s 10 classic stories featuring nonstop action direct from the Silver Age of comics!
On sale Sept 8 // 5″ x 7.375″ // 128 pg, FC, $9.99 US

Fuck yeah! Kill them Nazis! Note: I may be playing far, far too much Day Of Defeat for my own good.

SHOWCASE PRESENTS SUPERMAN VOL. 1 TP
Written by Jerry Siegel, Bill Finger and others
Art by Curt Swan, Dick Sprang and others
Cover by Swan & George Klein

Kicking off an exciting line of black-and-white reading library titles! This volume collects SUPERMAN #122-133 and ACTION COMICS #241-257, featuring the birth of the Silver Age Superman mythos, including the first appearances of Supergirl, Brainiac, the Fortess of Solitude and more!
On sale Sept 14 // 560 pg, B&W, $16.99 US

SHOWCASE PRESENTS: GREEN LANTERN VOL. 1 TP
Written by John Broome and Gardner Fox
Art by Gil Kane, Joe Giella and Murphy Anderson
Cover by Kane & Giella

One of the first volumes in an all-new line of thick, black-and-white reading library titles! This volume collects the Silver Age classics SHOWCASE #22-24, GREEN LANTERN #1-17, featuring Hal Jordan’s earliest adventures as Earth’s Green Lantern!
On sale Sept 14 // 528 pg, B&W $16.99 US

Further spaffage. So glad to see DC catch up on the Essentials line.

SEVEN SOLDIERS: MISTER MIRACLE #1
Written by Grant Morrison
Art and cover by Pasqual Ferry

Grant Morrison’s amazing SEVEN SOLDIERS saga continues with a 4-part miniseries featuring art by Pasqual Ferry (ADAM STRANGE)! A young Shiloh Norman is all grown up, and now, with the help of his Mother Box – an alien computer – he has become the world’s coolest escape artist, a cross between David Blaine and Puff Daddy. After a hallucinatory encounter with the being called Metron, the formerly aimless and dissatisfied Mister Miracle finds himself with a new mission in life. He now believes he has evidence of an apocalyptic cosmic war being fought through human agents on Earth! Shiloh’s seen the light. He knows the score – and he may have lost his mind!
On sale Sept 21 // 1 of 4 // 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

SEVEN SOLDIERS: GUARDIAN #4
Written by Grant Morrison
Art and cover by Cameron Stewart

More must-see mysteries of the SEVEN SOLDIERS saga unfold as the GUARDIAN miniseries finale builds toward the epic conclusion in SEVEN SOLDIERS #1!

Is a broken, embittered Jake Jordan ready for “Sex Secrets of the Newsboy Army”? Who were Captain 7, Kid Scarface, Baby Brains, Ali-Ka-Zoom, Chop Suzi, Li’l Hollywood and Millions the Mystery Mutt? What was the vow they made as children outside the United Nations building? What did they do that was so wrong – and why will the entire world suffer in an alien hell if the Guardian makes the wrong decision this time ?
On sale Sept 8 // 4 of 4 // 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

My word, I’m just completely spoiled for Kirby-related goodness this month, aren’t I? Morrison gets Kirby, if I’ve not pointed it out before. He does to Jack’s material what Jack did to things like Jimmy Olsen – reimagines and invigorates characters and ideas that DC is letting lie fallow. Seven Soldiers has ensured that I have some slight toehold in the DCU, which is growing increasingly less and less interesting to me in its present-day state of Fanboy Service.

JACK CROSS #2
Written by Warren Ellis
Art and cover by Gary Erskine

The action-filled new series by Warren Ellis & Gary Erskine continues! Jack Cross is called into action only for a good cause�and this good cause is a missing weapon of mass destruction hundreds of times more terrifying than any nuclear device. Jack flies to Guantanamo Bay to question the one woman who can lead him to it – but will he be in time?
On sale Sept 28 // 32 pg, FC, $2.50 US

I forgot to mention Jack Cross when I did the solicits roundup last time, but I can rectify that now. Apparently, Ellis says this is about a left-wing superspy. That’s good enough for me, and I hope his JLA Classified run is as decent as the preview makes me believe. since it wraps up this month.

WILDCATS: NEMESIS #1
Written by Robbie Morrison
Art by Talent Caldwell, Horacio Domingues and Matt Banning
Cover by Caldwell & Banning

A spectacular new chapter in the WildStorm Universe is revealed in this exciting 9-issue miniseries written by Robbie Morrison (THE AUTHORITY) with art by Talent Caldwell (SUPERMAN: GODFALL), Horacio Domingues (Lazarus Jack) and Matt Banning (Uncanny X-Men, The Darkness)! Zealot and her Coda sisters are the elite warrior-class on their homeworld of Khera, feared throughout the galaxy. A single name, however, strikes fear and hatred into their hearts: Nemesis!

Framed for the betrayal and slaughter of the Kheran military forces on Earth at the dawn of mankind, rogue warrior Charis Adrastea embarks on an epic quest to avenge the massacre, uncovering a conspiracy that threatens the entire universe. Hunted by friend and foe alike, she takes the name “Nemesis” – from the Greek goddess of vengeance, whose myth she inspires. Now, as her blood-soaked quest nears its end, only the Wildcats can stop her!

This miniseries plunges readers into the midst of the one-woman war Nemesis has been fighting for millennia. Each issue features a present-day sequence with art by Caldwell as she nears her quest’s end, and a flashback with art by Domingues that reveals her origins and follows her vendetta as it spans human history!
On sale Sept 14 // 1 of 9 // 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

This is called “missing the point,” which is what Robbie Morrison seems to excel at when it comes to Major Wildstorm Properties. Talent Caldwell, for those not aware, is a disciple of Michael “Oh, Is That My Dick In Your Eye?” Turner, so I recommend avoiding this at all costs.

THE AUTHORITY: THE MAGNIFICENT KEV #1 & 2
Written by Garth Ennis
Art by Carlos Ezquerra
Cover by Glenn Fabry

Garth Ennis (PREACHER) returns to the WildStorm Universe for the next chapter in the saga of Kev Hawkins! And along for the ride this time around is the co-creator of Judge Dredd, artist Carlos Ezquerra (WAR STORIES: CONDORS)!
When the death of a close friend is revealed, Kev begins to entertain ideas of the futility and horror of the life he leads – until he gets a call from the boss. She’s got another lethal mission for him that involves his least-favorite allies: The Authority! And this time, events will take a decidedly darker turn�

And in issue #2, Kev’s mission to retrieve the Midnighter is under way! On the way, we learn more about the troubled S.A.S. corporal’s life and how a one-night stand changed everything.
On sale Sept 8 and Sept 28 // 1 and 2 of 5 // 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US MATURE READERS

See, I know a lot of hardliners really hate Ennis’s Kev material, but it just makes me laugh and laugh and laugh, and it has nothing to do with the name. Honest. Don’t roll your eyes, you ass.

SLEEPER BOOK FOUR: THE LONG WAY HOME TP
Written by Ed Brubaker
Art and cover by Sean Phillips

Collecting the final chapter of the SLEEPER saga, Vol. 2 #7-12! The endgame is in play and the fates of Carver, Lynch and the mysterious Tao are all up for grabs. It’s winner take all�and the stakes are deadly!
On sale Sept 21 // 144 pg, FC, $14.99 US // MATURE READERS

Buy this and the other three trades if you haven’t already. Read them in order. Weep at the fact that the market can’t support a title like this, then get angry about that very thing.

THE WINTER MEN #2
Written by Brett Lewis
Art and cover by John Paul Leon

The action-packed miniseries by Brett Lewis and John Paul Leon continues! Kris is now in the United States – Brooklyn, to be exact – trying to infiltrate the Red Mafia in an effort to solve his case. But is the mafia a step ahead of him already? And what could Nikki be doing in New York?
On sale Sept 21 // 2 of 8 // 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US // MATURE READERS

I forgot to mention this last month. On concept (“What’s happened to all the Soviet superhumans?”) alone, I think this may be pure genius. It’ll also be very, very pretty thanks to Leon’s art. Let’s hope this Brett Lewis cat can manage it.

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE TP – NEW EDITION
Written by John Wagner
Art and cover by Vince Locke

A new edition of the classic graphic novel, available for the first time from VERTIGO just in time for the major motion picture starring Viggo Mortensen, Ed Harris and William Hurt! In this suspenseful noir crime story, Tom McKenna is a simple family man who instantly becomes a media celebrity when he takes down a couple of wanted murderers who attempt to rob his diner. But his newfound fame draws the attention of a group of merciless mobsters who have been looking to settle a score with McKenna for over 20 years. Now as the killers descend upon his small town in Middle America, the Brooklyn native must face the actions of his youth and relive his past history of violence as he attempts to salvage the life he has built.
Retro-solicited; on sale September 3 // 5.5″ x 8″ // 296 pg, B&W, $9.99 US // MATURE READERS

Two things: Firstly, I can not wait for the movie, which features one of my favorites, Ed Harris, as a bad, bad man. Secondly, “retro-solicited?” Awesome.

Also: new, not pretty-at-all editions for Preacher in trade; the second issue of All-Star Batman And Robin; a new graphic novel from Harvey Pekar with art by Dean Haspiel; Geoff Johns launches a Green Lantern Corps book, which I will, at the very least, give the butcher’s; and some more of the usual books what I like, such as Gotham Central. Why’re you reading this with Graeme’s roundup is much funnier?

It’s time to blog about blogging, because I think Oroboros had the right idea. It was more difficult than I thought to remove Christina’s defunct-since-she-moved-back-to-Canada site, as it was one of my favorite reads and she’s one of my favorite people, but she’s 1) not in the UK anymore, which was rather the point of the whole thing and 2) far too busy with her career of ass-kicking and name-taking, so it’s not getting updated anyway.

I added Pete Ashton to the blogroll because he was polite enough to do the same for me. One day, I’m going to properly manage that thing and do the reciprocal links thing across the board, so be patient, true believers.

In monkey-related news: a monkey at the San Diego zoo crawled through a hole in the netting of his habitat to get out and waited by the front door to be let back in. That’s a very good monkey.

A while back, I did 26 Songs by 26 artists, done by artist name. Here’s the same thing, by song title, including a numeric entry!

“1976″ by RJD2
“Acid S” by Phuture
“Bellandona” by Red Snapper
“C.R.E.A.M.” by Wu-Tang Clan
“Dark Lady” by DJ Food
“Embraceable You” by Charlie Parker
“Falling” by Pet Shop Boys
“Get Your Snack On” by Amon Tobin
“Happy As A Dead Pig In The Sunshine” by Kaki King
“I Need You Tonight” by Elkland
“Jesus In A Camper Van” by Robbie Williams
“Kid For Today” (Stereolab Remix) by Boards of Canada
“La La La” by Erasure
“Martian Economics” by Olde Scottish
“Never Turn Your Back On Mother Earth” by Sparks
“Open Your Heart” (The Strand Remix) by The Human League
“Piazza, New York Catcher” by Belle and Sebastian
“Quantenspring 2″ by S.O.L.
“Rebel Without A Pause” by Public Enemy
“Schlecktron” by Mouse On Mars
“The Ballad Of 32″ by Frankie Goes To Hollywood
“Universal Pussy” by Chicks On Speed
“Very Important People” by Gus Gus
“Walking On Thin Ice” (Pet Shop Boys Electro Remix) by Yoko Ono
“Xylophone” by The Magnetic Fields
“You Leave Me Breathless” by John Coltrane
“Zamami” by Plaid