Why I love Stuart Immonen, Part 23.

“I’ve decided that ‘d prefer to have a new lens for my camera than this USM cover drawing.”

(It is a very nice drawing indeed.)

Genius Covers Sunday: Superboy, maybe it’s time to ask about the little purple pill.

This time, we help out DC’s marketing department!

(The original spread.)

Kirby Saturday: Somebody Set Us Up The Bomb!

Friday Night Fights: How do you fight a Ghost?

He’ll take your brain to another dimension.
He’ll take your brain to another dimension.
He’ll take your brain to another dimension.
Pay close attention.

Some links.

• I swear to Xenu that this was not my idea.
• Winona Ryder as Amanda Grayson? Hm. I’m pretty sure that’ll be all flashback material, as she’s only three years older than me.
• This is how you should look when you’re having your mugshot taken.
• Brandon Bragg got me hooked on this and I hate him for that.
• I’ve only seen tiny slivers of 24 but thought this was hilarious.
• T-Mobile owns magenta.

Shopping Advice 101

The Rack: That Chilling Risso Grin

Or maybe just cause some smirks. I dunno.

In which I discuss five of the seven comic books I purchased yesterday.

Midnighter #13
With this issue, I realized I had become exactly the sort of comics reader I despised, as I have no idea why I’m still reading this title. I enjoyed the first six issues and can’t tell you what happened until the first installment of this arc (which I really liked) and now have no idea what’s happening. It’s not that it’s bad, really – Giffen’s dialogue and action move right along, but it seems to be awfully generic. Kind of sad, really, especially considering that central character overcame the broad-brushed critique of being Gay Batman (OK, gayer Batman) in Stormwatch and The Authority fairly quickly.

Justice League Unlimited #39
It’s a shame that the tie-in comic for a now-cancelled Justice League show run by Dwayne McDuffie is a better read than an actual Justice League comic written by Dwayne McDuffie, isn’t it? Also, Detective Chimp, Gorilla Grodd, Batman cracking a joke, and a complete lack of the lesson-giving that’s plagued this title. Buy it, love it.

Super-Villain Team Up: MODOK’s 11 #5
After the lack of MODOK the last issue exhibited, my hopes for this title had drooped a bit, like a willow tree in monsoon season. However, the final installment in this series brings the hyperencephalitic Kirby creation front and center in the wrap-up, allowing us all to realize that he truly reigns supreme. The double and triple-crosses in this title pretty much guarantee this will read better in a collected format as keeping track of who’s screwing whom in the dozen cast members over the course of five months is more laborious than it should be.

Criminal #10
Speaking of double-crosses in comics, I’m so very into Criminal that each issue is akin to a dose of storytelling meth. Both Brubaker’s interests and strengths are front and center as Marvel’s best writer wallows in the genre that made him: taut plotting, dialogue that’s cut down to its essence, and just enough narration to push the story forward when it needs it. Of course, it wouldn’t work nearly as well if it weren’t for Sean Phillips’ uniformly excellent visuals. This final issue shows the cast of the current story arc being claimed by The Life, each in a different way.

Lower Regions
By basically transcribing a completely mental D&D session into comics – down to healing potions and backstabbing, which must be this week’s theme – Alex Robinson’s made the only Red Sonja comic I’d want to read. For $7, it’s a perfect stocking-stuffer for the gaming nerd(s) in your life.

Who Reviews The Reviewers: Bitching About Comic Buyer’s Guide

I occasionally get a chance to read Comics Buyer’s Guide at no cost to me other than the time involved and the heartburn induced. I thought it’d be interesting to look at the four main comics review sections of the magazine and consider what’s on offer.

Tony’s Tips
In this column, CBG fixture Tony Isabella “reviews” various things that can vaguely be considered “comics-y” using a scale from 1 to 5 “Tonys”. This pick-and-mix approach means this month’s column includes a new young adult novel and a pulp reprint.

• The Shadow #9 – 5 “Tonys”
• Ode to Kirihito – 5 “Tonys”
• Arf Forum – 4 “Tonys”
• Teen, Inc. – 4 “Tonys”
• John Romita…All That Jazz – 5 “Tonys”
• Showcase Presents The War That Time Forgot – 4 “Tonys”
• Squadron Supreme: Hyperion vs Nighthawk – 5 “Tonys”
• Spider-Girl Presents The Buzz & Darkdevil – 4 “Tonys”

The fact that there’s an even split in the 8 items Reviewed, with four receiving 4 “Tonys” and the other half receiving 5 “Tonys” means I give this half-baked review section 1 out of a possible 5 “Drunken, Angry Comics Bloggers.” Yes, I understand the idea that Isabella might genuinely like everything he’s reviewed, but the entire mess blends together into an oozing mass of useless platitudes.

You know, sort of like this blog. Oops.

Single-Issue Reviews by “The Review Crew”
These are, without exception, from The Big 3: Marvel, DC, and Image, written by a group of twelve men and a single woman – senior editor Maggie Thompson. This month (and most months, from what I’ve observed), there’s a fairly large blip in the distribution of star ratings. Let’s see if you can find it.

• Detective Comics #833 – 4 Stars
• Marvel Adventures: Hulk #1 – 3.5 Stars
• Killing Girl #1 – 2.5 Stars
• Action Comics #850 – 3 Stars
• Archie Digest #236 – 3 Stars
• Batman #666 – 3 Stars
• Fantastic Four #s545 & 546 – 1 Star (Counted as a single review)
• All-Star Batman & Robin The Boy Wonder #6 – 1 Star (Indicating there’s a carbon monoxide leak somewhere in the Krause Publications building.)
• Nightwing Annual #2 – 2.5 Stars
• Creature from the Depths – 3 Stars
• New Avengers: Illuminati #3 – 0 Stars
• Fables #59 – 3 Stars
• Superman #665 – 3 Stars
• All-Flash #1 – 3 Stars
• Veronica #182 – 2 Stars

As you can see, over fifteen titles, there was a single four-star review, one three-and-a-half-star review, seven three-star reviews, a pair of two-and-a-half star reviews, one two-star review, two one-star reviews, and finally a puckish “zero” star review. Here’s a chart if you didn’t see the statistical anomaly in the group.

The O’Brien Factor
Much like Tony Isabella’s column, Karen O’Brien talks about whatever hoves into her view that could theoretically be of interest to the sort of people that pick up CBG for its titular (stop snickering) guidance. This time there’s a first issue of a Hellboy spinoff, a done-in-one Oni graphic novel, a pulp reprint, and one of the EC archives.

• Lobster Johnson: The Iron Prometheus #1 – 3.5 Stars
• Kill Now, Pay Later – 3 Stars
• Shenanigans – 3 Stars
• EC Archives: Two-Fisted Tales Volume 2 – 4 Stars

There’s four items here, graded an average of 3.375 stars, but I’d need to read another column with a critical eye before declaring a review jihad. O’Brien’s clever enough to have written an introduction that ties all the books together, even if the thematic connection’s a bit sketchy when the limp, too-cute Shenanigans is said to contain a “dime-novel view of good guys versus bad guys.” That graphic novel hewed more closely to the “bad writing versus a Billy Wilder fetish” end of things.

Tour of the Indies
I was going to give this section some credit for having the sheer chutzpah to give the Se7en tie-in comic four stars, but then I read Tony DiGerolamo’s review of Tarot #43.

This particular issue of the creator-owned series features, in case you didn’t know (and why should you,) the chapter in which Tarot gets raped until she likes it. This is the issue that caused Chris Sims to consider dropping the title, and when Sims is thinking that he doesn’t want to read your comic about the Devil-Witch-Woman with the big boobies anymore, you’ve just screwed the proverbial pooch that was your market share.

DiGerolamo conveniently neglects to mention this particular aspect of the comic at hand, instead choosing to write: “If you like good art, check this out, but it’d be more fun to have it combined with a good script.”

To this bit of toothless, insipid blather I write: “If you like decently-chosen fonts and a readable page layout, check this out, but it’d be more enjoyable if DiGerolamo actually reviewed the damn comic.”

Bound for Glory
The final medium-centric reviews section of Comic Buyer’s Guide focuses on trade collections and (apparently) Buffy and Battlestar Galactica novels. Now, at this point, I’d be willing to bet that you can pretty much figure out how the pieces fit together, but I’ll go ahead and do a bullet-point list for your convenience:

• Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend – 4 Stars (Color me surprised that they’d give a Winsor McCay collection the highest possible rating. It’s goddamn Winsor McCay. Giving an oversized, deluxe collection of the medium’s forefather’s most deserving works the highest possible rating is like saying that Bill Shakespeare may have been onto something with that whole “creating the modern English-language drama” thing.)
• Spider-Man Visionaries: Roger Stern Volume 1 – 3.5 stars
• The Nightmare Factory – 3 stars
• Captain America: Civil War – 3.5 Stars
• Harbinger: The Beginning – 3.5 Stars
• Invaders Classics Volume 1 – 3 Stars
• Battlestar Galactica: Unity – 3 Stars
• Japanese Schoolgirl Inferno – 3 Stars
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Go Ask Malice – 3 stars (That is the sort of pun that makes me consider calling up Ted Nugent and seeing if he’s up for going after the most dangerous game.)
• The Ancient Book of Myth And War – 3 Stars
• True Story, Swear To God Volume 1 – 3 Stars
• Essential Silver Surfer Volume 2 – 3 Stars

Yes, of those twelve reviewed items, eleven of them had ratings of 3 or 3.5 Stars.

Now please, don’t get me wrong. I love me some Invaders and my respect for Roger Stern is well known among certain circles, but having the audacity to say that a Shooter-written Valiant comic is only a half-star less-good than a seminal masterwork by one of the true greats? That fills my (rather ample) belly with the hate that hate made.

Star rating systems are the lowest common denominator in reviews. Yes, they give non-readers something to glance at to make a snap judgment, but what’s the point of a review if it’s not being read? Of course, complaining about the EZ-Glance System Of Reviews means completely putting aside the fact that much of the commentary mentions the age-inappropriateness of the reviewed material or discusses legacy corporate-owned characters with a heightened sense of entitlement.

You know, it appears that there might actually be a master plan in place. With the writers rarely, if ever, engaging the material in any meaningful way, it’s a near-sure bet that just glancing at non-granular statistics is the best way to approach what Comic Buyer’s Guide considers reviews.

The 1967 Cartoon Fantastic Four Meet Galactus.

One person linked to my site and said they hated posts like this. Too bad, eh?

Josh: Anyway, RE: Battlestar Galactica: Razor. I’ll let you know if it’s any good.
BeaucoupKevin: And if I will need to make it a pantsless night.
Josh: There is NEVER a need for pantsless night.
BeaucoupKevin: Michelle Forbes and Katee Sackhoff at the same time?
Josh: Yeah, but then you’re, you know, doing your whatever and they quick cut to a closeup of Adama sneering.
BeaucoupKevin: …
BeaucoupKevin: That wouldn’t stop me.

Another message from our sponsors.

The Rack: This week’s staff picks are up.

If you were thinking to yourself that Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Red Rain was just too unwieldy a title and hoping that maybe there were other books you could by without having to break your brain, then the staff at Yavin IV live to serve.

I just remembered to be crass and self promotional again because this is in Previews…

What Were They Thinking?! Trade Paperback
by Keith Giffen, Andrew Cosby, John Rogers, Johanna Stokes and various
Join Keith Giffen, Eureka series creator Andrew Cosby, Transformersmovie writer John Rogers and Eureka series writer Johanna Stokes for this collection featuring a wild array of Golden Age comics rewritten into comedy gold! It’s a Mystery Science Theater 3000 turn on venerable Golden Age funnybooks! It’s What’s Up, Tiger Lily with the funny pages! This well-reviewed edition collects What Were They Thinking?! #1, WWTT: Some People Never Learn, WWTT: Monster Mash-Up, and WWTT: Go West Young Man.
SC, 6×9, 144pgs, FC
SRP: $14.99

(I’ve got decently-reviewed stories in the Monster Mash-Up and Go West Young Man volumes presented here.)

And now, a moment from the campaign trail.

“…and with that, I’d like to open the floor to questions from the press.”

“Superman, James McCauley, with the Daily Post.”

“What’s your question, Jim?”

“Sir, you’ve claimed that once you become a senator, you’ll improve our infrastructure with your superpowers as well as ensure domestic tranquility while simultaneously improve homeland security.”

“That’s right.”

“Not to be disrespectful, sir, but couldn’t you do that anyway?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, you’ve got the ability now to perform these actions without any cost at all to the taxpayers. You’ve earned the full trust of the American people and our leaders. Everyone here has witnessed you performing acts exactly as you’ve described without having a position in the US government. This includes not only our own citizens, but people around the world who have benefited from your benevolence. This brings us to the core question: what other benefits will be gained by your electorate if you reach office?”

“Again, Jim. I’m not quite following you.”

“Sir, where do you stand on Social Security? What about a woman’s right to choose? Do you have a position on national ID cards or the border? How about–

“Jim, those are really good questions. I’m glad you asked them because our citizens deserve answers to the– Hey. Does anyone else hear that? Braniac’s attacking Sheboygan!”

“Superman, I get the feeling–”

“Up, up, and awaaaaaaaayyyy!”

“–you’re avoiding us.”

“Vote Superman!”

The Rack: Strike Forced: Morituri

This time, current events present an opportunity to the best comics shop in SoCal. Maybe.

I’m not the only one that sees what I’m seeing here, right? (Please tell me I’m not.)

From the Sheldon Mayer / Joe Kubert / Nestor Redondo adaptation of The Bible.

The Rack: Top Trumps!

THOR!