“50 got like the best-tasting Vitamin Water.”

I was having trouble deciding whether I should post these excerpts from Vibe’s Lil Wayne interview here, or collect the comments and do a post on Get Off The Internet, but Laura Hudson pointed out that comics could do with a little more of this sort of self-aggrandizing crazy, and I can’t help thinking she’s right:

Back in August, 50 Cent was talking trash about you jumping on everyone’s tracks.
You talking about 50 Cent from G Unit?

Yes.
The big 50 Cent?

Yes.
Lil Wayne came out his mouth?

Mmm hmmm.
OH MY GAWD! I’M BIG! [sarcastic voice] I’m big, man! I didn’t know that dude knew me! What’s up 50? I got beaucoup 50 Vitamin Waters. He got the coldest one, the rest of ‘em are really nasty. For real – don’t get that Revise – that other purple one. Naaaah, you gotta get that Formula 50. I done been fooled like that plenty of times. 50 got like the best-tasting Vitamin Water.

So you don’t have anything to say in response to him calling you a whore?
A person like 50 Cent say anything about me, you gotta understand, that’s what makes them who they are. So me getting mad, that would be outta Lil Wayne’s character. There’s been plenty of recorders right here in my face saying, What you think about such-and-such saying…? Nothing! I don’t think nothing! That ain’t me, I’m from New Orleans, man, we kill, for real, I’m not gonna stress that!

Speaking of stress, let’s talk about the incident when the cops pulled you over after your show on July 22, 2007, at the Beacon Theater in New York.
When they locked me up in New York and they asked me about Jay-Z, 50 Cent, G Unit and no fucking gun or weed like they made it look like on TV? Ask me what I told them – Nigga, I’m from New Orleans! I will murder ya’ll up in this bitch! Fuck that, why would I murder a rapper?! I’m gonna listen to his shit on the way to go murder another nigga!

This special sort of crazy makes Mark Millar (erroneously?) boasting that Civil War was the best selling comic of the last fifteen fourteen years about as interesting as your dry cleaner winning Best of 2008. Hell, the man shames Grant Morrison, who I thought had hit a new high with:

Back in 2006, I requested a moratorium on the New Gods so that I could build up some foreboding and create anticipation for their return in a new form … instead, the characters were passed around like hepatitis B to practically every writer at DC to toy with as they pleased, which, to be honest, makes it very difficult for me to reintroduce them with any sense of novelty, mystery or grandeur.

Mainstream comics needs a Lil Wayne. They need somebody who doesn’t care if he ticks off other creators or the publishers because they’ve got game. They need somebody who doesn’t give a fuck. They’re not going to get it though, for one reason: comics creators want to be liked. They want validation. They want to read positive reviews and get fans who shake their hands and tell them how great that X-Men story was they did was. Deep down inside, so many of them¹ want the acceptance that they may not have gotten elsewhere, if not from their peers, then from editors and publishers. With the barrier to comics lower than ever, I’d love to see the opposite of the usual happen: somebody who writes crazy, claims big, sells bigger, and then craps on everyone that steps up.

Of course, none of the bloggers or message board denizens would like that one bit though, would they?

Thanks to Lily for the heads-up.

¹“Us?” I really don’t feel like one, even if I’ve written comic books before and I’m working on writing more.