Fantastic.

The first issue of Wildstorm’s comic miniseries based on the property, penned by series writer, story editor, and executive producer Frank Spotnitz with art by Brian Denham, isn’t going to bring me back into the fold. The script lacks any of the humor or humanity of the show, even making the Lone Gunmen into hollow recitation machines and instead feelis like a series of plot beats and little more. Even there it falls down: Mulder’s paranoia in the final third of this first chapter seems to come from nowhere, and his relationship with Scully seems colder than it ever did on-screen. Artist Brian Denham photo-references heavily and comes across as a less-talented Tony Harris. Some of the sketchiness that Charlie Adlard brought to the Topps X-Files comics would have brought some welcome humanity to the whole affair.

Oh, and for those counting, this is the sixth non-comics-property tie-in that I’ve been sent to review from Wildstorm in a row. What happened to the imprint that gave us The Authority, Sleeper, and America’s Best Comics?

I was going to write a webcomic about Prince as a CIA agent in the 80s. Morris Day was going to be his Felix Leiter. Prince would only speak in lyrics to his own songs. It was going to be a black-and-white comic that was spot-colored purple. It was going to be a loving genre pastiche that served as an appreciative, humorous panegyric to a musician I held no small amount of respect and awe for.

Then, he said this:

Recently, Prince hosted an executive who works for Philip Anschutz, the Christian businessman whose company owns the Staples Center. “We started talking red and blue,” Prince said. “People with money—money like that—are not affected by the stock market, and they’re not freaking out over anything. They’re just watching. So here’s how it is: you’ve got the Republicans, and basically they want to live according to this.” He pointed to a Bible. “But there’s the problem of interpretation, and you’ve got some churches, some people, basically doing things and saying it comes from here, but it doesn’t. And then on the opposite end of the spectrum you’ve got blue, you’ve got the Democrats, and they’re, like, ‘You can do whatever you want.’ Gay marriage, whatever. But neither of them is right.”

When asked about his perspective on social issues—gay marriage, abortion—Prince tapped his Bible and said, “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.’ ”

And, well, that was that, then. We shut it down. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to give any more money to him as well. If he can be judgmental about things like basic human rights, then I can be judgmental about how I spend my money and energy.

He probably would have sued our asses off anyway, huh?

(Yes, I’ve heard that someone in his camp told Perez Hilton that he was misquoted, but forgive me for believing The New Yorker over that twat, at least for now.)

Hi Everyone,

We last saw Carla and Lance today at around 2:00. The staff were
working with Carla, taking blood and other samples for testing. Other
staff were completing Lance’s hydrotherapy (cleaning the burns). It
takes a lot of work and time to perform this for Lance due to his size
and also his tendency to resist the treatment somewhat. Cleaning all
of the burns is very painful and typically requires additional
sedation/pain medication. This is performed once daily and involes
completely redressing their burns.

Carla has burns on her arms, back, hands, and thighs, about 33% of her
body. Lance has burns on his hands, arms, face, and feet, about 22% of
his body. Fortunately, the burns on his face do not seem to be more
than 2nd degree and we are told his appearence will return to normal.
He’s pretty swollen right now. Their conditions are about the same
based on where the burns are and their degree.

Both Carla and Lance continue to be medicated and sedated (2 mg
Morphine/ hour and I don’t know how much Atavan) and are both on
respirators. Carla is being respirated at 15 breaths per minute. She
has increased the number of breaths per minute to as high as 22, by
breathing on her own. Lance is being respirated at 18 breaths per
minute and has gone as high as 24, also breathing more on his own.

Their heart rate and blood pressure are being kept stable.

The doctors will make rounds twice daily. Every Monday they take
photos and evaluate the progress of the burns. Any third-degree burns
will be treated with surgery as soon as possible. Dr. Lane stated they
might begin surgery as soon as Wednesday. If they feel that Lance and
Carla are strong enough, they will take skin graphs for the
replacements. If not, they will use cadaver skin.

The staff indicates that this is all normal in patients recovering
from the level of burns that they have.

The BICU has six beds, total. Carla and Lance have their own nurse,
each, as well as the charge nurse and several attending physicians.
The staff nurse in charge today has over 20 years of experience in
burn treatment and therapy.

Yesterday I watched them stabilize Carla after a drop in blood
pressure and, although it was frightening, it was also really amazing
how effective their treatment was.

We will call the BICU tomorrow after rounds and update everyone with
their report. Both Mom and I returned home (SB and SF) but plan stay
with Carla and Lance again on Friday.

Jason

As you probably know, they were caught in the recent fires that swept through Santa Barbara and have been placed in a burn unit, where they’re in critical-but-stable condition. Their home has been completely destroyed in the blaze as well, leaving them in pretty dire straits. More than anything, once they’re out of the hospital, they’re going to need money to get back on their feet again.

The Lance and Carla Burn Fund has been established for them at Santa Barbara Bank And Trust, located at 1483 East Valley Rd, Montecito, CA 93108-1248. I’m going to swing by my bank today and ask about transferring some money to them, and I’d really like to encourage everyone else to do the same. The second I know more information, I’ll get it out to you guys.

Edited To Add Currently, there is no way to directly transfer money to Carla and Lance’s fund. I dropped a check to them today via Priority Mail. Make your check out to The Lance And Carla Burn Fund and mail it to:
Santa Barbara Bank & Trust
1483 East Valley Road
Montecito, CA 93108-1248

Please make the effort, if you can. They’ll need all the help they can get.