Lying in the Actuarial Gutters Volume 2 Column 97
14 Comments | Posted: November 20th, 2008 | Filed under: "Funny", Think About It Won't You | Tags: parody, rumormongering, rumors, serving as a company mouthpieceWelcome to the most popular and longest running insurance column on the internet. In its various forms, Lying In The Actuaria Gutters has covered rumors and gossip in the insurance industry for twelve long glorious and quite scary years.
All stories are sourced from well-connected individuals. But I urge you to use your judgment and remember, context is everything.
The traffic lights are an indication (and only that) of how reliable I believe the story to be, based on source, context and gut feel. Red lets you know I think this rumor is bunk, but it is still being spread by the community. Amber indicates I think there is a heavy bias involved here, or it just seems a little fishy. And Green as far as I can tell (as far as I can ever tell) is the real deal, junior.
Nevertheless, do remember, Lying In The Actuarial Gutters is for your entertainment. Neither Fair Nor Balanced. Please don’t shoot the messenger.
NO ONE’S IN THE DC WHEELHOUSE
Cathy Donaghue, a customer care representative from Delta Consolidated’s Poughkeepsie branch was recently found using the office copier for her child’s school project, a clear violation of the employee handbook’s Workplace Equipment section. She was let off with a slap of the wrist by Marketing VP Dan Fahey, who you may remember recently admitted that he used the company-provided Lexus to go leaf-peeping in New Hampshire last month. What’s going on in Poughkeepsie? Is no one minding the store? With Delta Consolidated reducing site staff and outsourcing email customer care to India, now is not the time to make waves.
STEP ASIDE, DANIEL CRAIG
One of the bits of news I got from the Northeastern Insurance And Actuarial Management Seminar Series was that fans would soon see more adventures of Esurance.com’s popular Erin Esurance. Not content with having her regularly appear in ad spots during prime time television, Esurance has decided to create another short film in the style of their popular Carbon Copy project from a couple of years ago. No details yet on what sort of adventures Erin might find herself in this time. Could she be re-teamed with Space Ghost in another cult classic adventure?
WHO NEEDS PROPOSITION 8 TO MAKE THE GAYS DISAPPEAR?
Look for redesigned term life investment marketing materials coming from Anderson & Campbell in the near future. Why are they scrapping the previous, $25,000 print campaign that included folder, custom letterhead, brochures, and an envelope? Apparently, Anderson & Campbell CEO Marcus Waton didn’t like the image of a female couple that was included in the banner that appeared prominently in each component of the campaign. Speculation from those inside the A&C camp indicates this stems from Walton’s estranged daughter, who has been in a happy, committed relationship with another woman since 1997.
SWIPE FILE
WHO IS THE DC INSIDER?
Since the blog that was originally up at http://www.dc-insider.blogspot.com has moved twice and has not reappeared again, suspicion rests on the recently-terminated senior claims analyst Raymond Costa. Costa was the only person to have been in the room during certain key meetings that were reported on the blog, including one in which Senior VP Maureen Rosenberg stated that they were going to “put Allstate’s nuts in a vise until they get some butter.” Other incidents of sexual harassment, misbehavior in the office, and abuse of company resources – see the story LITAG broke concerning the copier in the Poughkeepsie office – that were reported have been established to have occurred while Costa was on-site. Costa did not respond when emailed about the blog and the allegations made by the actuarial community.
FINE PRINT
Discuss this column at the Lying In The Actuarial Gutters Forum and add your request to what you want from future columns.
I’m still eBaying bits and pieces here and there, so look for seller ActuaryFan1. My social networking is pretty much all Facebook and Twitter these days, but I’m around at Bebo, MySpace, InsuranceSpace too.
Have a rumor about the insurance biz? Send it to LyingInTheActuarialGutters@gmail.com. You can also call or text it to 555-776-2323.
Brilliant.
You realize, though, you’re going to get bombarded with the “hey, Church, where’s THIS week’s LITAG?” emails/tweets/IMs/blog comments from now on.
I fully expect Rich Johnston to post a comment here and say something defensive.
Egad! Methinks that there is skullduggery afoot in Poughkeepsie!
Brilliant! That was freakin’ hilarious, Kevin. You absolutely nailed it.
Off-topic, but I just saw the Amazon Mp3 ad for Louie Vega … and for a moment I thought you were plugging Lou Bega.
I can’t believe YOU WENT THERE.
Oh, and you have far more patience for satire than I. I would have come up with this concept, typed out the title, and then never come back to it. You don’t even want to know what my “drafts” folder looks like.
Absolutely brilliant.
It must be pretty depressing to be an insurance clerk and find your work swiped by other insurance companies without acknowledgement. This Salary for hire stuff is ruining the insurance industry. Soon we’ll all have the same forms, and the industry will be poorer for it.
You forgot to include a fake stock image of a line up of Group X whose roster is effected by Alien Species Z’s Invasion in thier big event Secret Xvasion and keep claiming it as the actual line-up even though Mark Mendis confirmed that this isn’t the line up.
Did I?
Did I really?
You forgot to start every third sentence with the phrase “I understand.”
‘Swipe File’ had me in tears.
LITG linked you…
Very funny, especially to a real insurance worker like myself. However, the Swipe File actually uses certificates of insurance (used as proof of insurance in lieu of the first page of an actual policy) and has nothing to do with invoices. Great concept, though–the industry is rife with swipes. Many company guidelines are taken whole cloth from other companies’ guidelines, just changing some numbers here and there.