The Nineties-est Cover I Could Find

Per Chris Sims’s request:

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Comments ( 21 )

Dang, Church. I thought Chris Sims had this one (I mean, c’mon, Punisher 2099? That’s about as ’90s as it gets). But this…. this is pretty damn amazing.

Ghoast commented on Jun 26 08 at 3:53 pm

Wow man congrats on your win. The ONLY thing this thing is missing are pouches and lots of them… oh wait he’s got a bunch on his belt.

Paul commented on Jun 26 08 at 3:57 pm

The ONLY thing this thing is missing are pouches and lots of them… oh wait he’s got a bunch on his belt.

I noticed that and forgot to add it on the graphic! Thanks for the reminder; this has been rectified.

Kevin Church commented on Jun 26 08 at 4:14 pm

Wow….just wow. It’s like it was made in a lab by 90’s-ologists.

Jason commented on Jun 26 08 at 4:18 pm

Where’s the bomber jacket?

And I suspect that this can’t be an ULTIMATE 90s cover because it doesn’t feature an improbably-proportioned female in its joylessness grititude.

Matt M commented on Jun 26 08 at 4:44 pm

Seriously, you and Sims could keep this up for days and I’d never get bored.

Pj Perez commented on Jun 26 08 at 5:19 pm

I think you should also point out the unnecessary amount of skeletons and skulls around him. I don’t know why, but the gritty nineties had a ASS TON of skeletons everywhere.

Tim Bower commented on Jun 26 08 at 6:21 pm

Dear god in Heaven. As always, Church WINZ.

nik commented on Jun 26 08 at 7:26 pm

i thought phil’s was good. man, sims got owned!

lamartherevenger commented on Jun 26 08 at 8:24 pm

You forgot “long hair.” Just about every male character was sporting flowing locks back in the day.

Fortnight commented on Jun 26 08 at 8:40 pm

hilarious.

max commented on Jun 26 08 at 10:24 pm

To Tim Bower:

Of COURSE he’s surrounded by skeletons; the man is hunting BLOOD. Where would you advise he look?

Bah commented on Jun 26 08 at 11:21 pm

…someone with blood still in them? I mean, skeletons are rather known for not having blood. It would be like, if he called himself Paper Hunter and then was seen in a raging fire.

mightygodking commented on Jun 27 08 at 12:33 am

Kevin, that is really effing funny. Nice work.

Tom Peyer commented on Jun 27 08 at 12:54 am

I feel sorry for that guy. His knees could snap under him any moment.

Leopold commented on Jun 27 08 at 1:16 am

It boggles the mind. Was there a checklist or something that was sent out by the publishers? You HAVE to have gritted teeth, no feet, lots of blood, improbable anatomy, all those little lines on the face that aren’t shading, and so on and so forth?

*shudder*

Sallyp commented on Jun 27 08 at 9:31 am

Aw, shucks. You didn’t mention the Spawn-esque chains hanging from the ceiling and the “Hey! Look! I’m using Photoshop 2.5’s airbrush tool!” coloring job that ravaged most covers back in the day.

The only things missing from this cover are “lazy crosshatching” (usually found on the legs, with strokes becoming wider and wider apart), shoulderpads the size of loveseat cushions and a hard-as-nails female lead who has so many anatomical impossibilities that she would merit her own contest.

Paul Horn commented on Jun 27 08 at 10:25 am

Wow. You win. You totally win. It’s hard to believe you didn’t just PhotoShop this together. It’s so perfect.

Is that… is that an EKG reading in the logo? Interrupted by a pair of fangs? It REEKS of 90s-ness.

The missing feet put it completely over the top for me.

Rob Rogers commented on Jun 27 08 at 4:33 pm

But where is the ass-length ponytail?

notintheface commented on Jun 29 08 at 2:54 pm

Missing an objectified female with grotesque boobs, but it’s a strong contender.

Leonardo Boiko commented on Jun 30 08 at 9:16 am

Where are the 8 different collector covers?

The Retroist commented on Jun 30 08 at 2:16 pm

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