The Nineties-est Cover I Could Find

21 Comments on “The Nineties-est Cover I Could Find”

1. 1 Ghoast said at 3:53 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   Dang, Church. I thought Chris Sims had this one (I mean, c’mon, Punisher 2099? That’s about as ’90s as it gets). But this…. this is pretty damn amazing.

2. 2 Paul said at 3:57 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   Wow man congrats on your win. The ONLY thing this thing is missing are pouches and lots of them… oh wait he’s got a bunch on his belt.

3. 3 Kevin Church said at 4:14 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   The ONLY thing this thing is missing are pouches and lots of them… oh wait he’s got a bunch on his belt.

   I noticed that and forgot to add it on the graphic! Thanks for the reminder; this has been rectified.

4. 4 Jason said at 4:18 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   Wow….just wow. It’s like it was made in a lab by 90′s-ologists.

5. 5 Matt M said at 4:44 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   Where’s the bomber jacket?

   And I suspect that this can’t be an ULTIMATE 90s cover because it doesn’t feature an improbably-proportioned female in its joylessness grititude.

6. 6 Pj Perez said at 5:19 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   Seriously, you and Sims could keep this up for days and I’d never get bored.

7. 7 Tim Bower said at 6:21 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   I think you should also point out the unnecessary amount of skeletons and skulls around him. I don’t know why, but the gritty nineties had a ASS TON of skeletons everywhere.

8. 8 nik said at 7:26 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   Dear god in Heaven. As always, Church WINZ.

9. 9 lamartherevenger said at 8:24 pm on June 26th, 2008:

   i thought phil’s was good. man, sims got owned!

10. 10 Fortnight said at 8:40 pm on June 26th, 2008:

    You forgot “long hair.” Just about every male character was sporting flowing locks back in the day.

11. 11 max said at 10:24 pm on June 26th, 2008:

    hilarious.

12. 12 Bah said at 11:21 pm on June 26th, 2008:

    To Tim Bower:

    Of COURSE he’s surrounded by skeletons; the man is hunting BLOOD. Where would you advise he look?

13. 13 mightygodking said at 12:33 am on June 27th, 2008:

    …someone with blood still in them? I mean, skeletons are rather known for not having blood. It would be like, if he called himself Paper Hunter and then was seen in a raging fire.

14. 14 Tom Peyer said at 12:54 am on June 27th, 2008:

    Kevin, that is really effing funny. Nice work.

15. 15 Leopold said at 1:16 am on June 27th, 2008:

    I feel sorry for that guy. His knees could snap under him any moment.

16. 16 Sallyp said at 9:31 am on June 27th, 2008:

    It boggles the mind. Was there a checklist or something that was sent out by the publishers? You HAVE to have gritted teeth, no feet, lots of blood, improbable anatomy, all those little lines on the face that aren’t shading, and so on and so forth?

    *shudder*

17. 17 Paul Horn said at 10:25 am on June 27th, 2008:

    Aw, shucks. You didn’t mention the Spawn-esque chains hanging from the ceiling and the “Hey! Look! I’m using Photoshop 2.5′s airbrush tool!” coloring job that ravaged most covers back in the day.

    The only things missing from this cover are “lazy crosshatching” (usually found on the legs, with strokes becoming wider and wider apart), shoulderpads the size of loveseat cushions and a hard-as-nails female lead who has so many anatomical impossibilities that she would merit her own contest.

18. 18 Rob Rogers said at 4:33 pm on June 27th, 2008:

    Wow. You win. You totally win. It’s hard to believe you didn’t just PhotoShop this together. It’s so perfect.

    Is that… is that an EKG reading in the logo? Interrupted by a pair of fangs? It REEKS of 90s-ness.

    The missing feet put it completely over the top for me.

19. 19 notintheface said at 2:54 pm on June 29th, 2008:

    But where is the ass-length ponytail?

20. 20 Leonardo Boiko said at 9:16 am on June 30th, 2008:

    Missing an objectified female with grotesque boobs, but it’s a strong contender.

21. 21 The Retroist said at 2:16 pm on June 30th, 2008:

    Where are the 8 different collector covers?