despite the Diamond Comics site claiming otherwise.
That means the rundown is a day late.
Deal with it. I’m not drinking and you’re
already on thin ice with me,
you bastards.
Before I do this rundown, I wanna give a big shout out to the large, annoying group of polyamorous folks that fill up the greatest coffee shop in the world every Tuesday night. Thank you for choosing to procreate with other ugly, misanthropic folks so those of us that are merely average looking at best get ticked upward a notch. I hoist my iced Americano at you, creepy wavy gray-haired dude with a purple streak and you, woman who looks much fatter than she is because she’s clad in something that would make Caligula blush. Thanks to you, a tubby comics nerd typing away on his Palm pilot looks like James Bond and Bruce Wayne’s love child.
A private note to the girl in the orange pop-art dress and the Chynna Clugston-Major haircut: get out of that group. Now. I’m sure Kristin wouldn’t mind if you slept on our couch or something.
The comics? Yes.
DC Comics
MAR060312 52 WEEK #4 $2.50
Assume I’m getting this until I say otherwise, ok? OK. I said that last week. Ignore the doddering elderly crank, ok?
FEB060291 SEVEN SOLDIERS OF VICTORY VOL 3 TP $14.99
Like I wasn’t going to go ahead and pay DC twice for the pleasure of reading this material. Still no sign of Seven Soldiers #1 though, huh?
FEB060275 SHOWCASE PRESENTS HAUNTED TANK VOL 1 TP $16.99
I love you, Haunted Tank. I love you so very much. I hope that you do a crossover with Space Cabby one day and fight Gorilla Grodd so I can have the Ultimate DC Fetish Comic Written For Kevin Church.
Image
MAR061824 FIVE FISTS OF SCIENCE GN (RES) $12.99
Yesssssssssssssss.
MAR061851 GODLAND #11 $2.99
See above. Goddamn, it’s a good time for smart, funny comics.
Do you know what’s a really, really good song? “Marching Bands Of Manhattan” by Death Cab For Cutie. It’s got this really great, simple bassline that just underpins that vocal melody so fucking well. The song right after it, “Soul Meets Body?” Almost twice as good.
Marvel
MAR062158 ESSENTIAL OFF HANDBOOK MARVEL UNIVERSE DELUXE ED VOL 2 TP $16.99
I’m going to tell you guys a story I may well have told before. Indulge an old man, OK? When I got the Essential volume collecting the original OHOTMU, I immediately pointed out Swarm to Kristin.
Without missing a beat, she asked what would happen if our patron saint of Insectified Nazis fought the Red Bee, since the Golden Age DC hero has proven that he can bend a bee to his will.
It was one of those moments where choirs are heard, church bells ring, and angels get their wings. I do so like that woman.
MAR062135 PUNISHER THE TYGER (RES) (MR) $4.99
Garth Ennis + John Severin = Crazy Delicious.
This moment of past-its-sell-by-date humor brought to you by a ten hour day at the office. You can find out how to get your own ten-hour day at the office by calling our 800 number right now.
MAR062058 ULTIMATE EXTINCTION #5 (OF 5) $2.99
Shame the scheduling for this went off the rails a bit, because I was really into this. I’m sure it’ll be fine as a trade, just like the first two parts of the Ultimate Disco Horde of Galactus saga.
Other Companies
MAR063117 BATTLESTAR GALACTICA #0 $0.25
Dynamite, I’ll take this bauble you offer, but I am warning you right now that I will only buy one copy of each issue, despite your attempts to seduce me with…Michael Turner?BwahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahah!!!!
APR062878 EMO BOY #7 $2.95
I understand, Emo Boy. I really do.
JAN062924 HERO SQUARED ONGOING #1 $3.99
JAN062925 HERO SQUARED VOL 1 TP $14.99
As I am employed by BOOM!, I shouldn’t comment on these books. I will, however, say that my friend loves this Giffen-DeMatteis stuff to tiny pieces because it’s funny and oddly heartwarming and features some nice art by Joe Abraham, who came back from a nasty hand injury and managed to get even better in the process.
FEB063204 LOCAL #5 (OF 12) (MR) $2.99
I certainly hope our protagonist has gotten smarter in the year that passed since her last issue.
FEB063370 MIDDLEMAN VOL 2 #4 $2.95
I think the scripts for this could consist of whale songs and dolphin whistles as long as Les McClaine drew the affair. Thankfully, the writing is much, much better than that.
APR062928 MOUSE GUARD #3 (OF 6) $3.50
It’s good, you know.
MAR063201 NOTES FROM A DEFEATIST GN (O/A) (MR) $19.95
Sacco! I’m not his biggest fan, but I love that he’s out there, doing his thing. This volume’s a little lean for the buckage, but the bonus CD will probably make up for that. There is no bonus CD. I am goddamn retarded.
MAR063342 QUEEN & COUNTRY #30 (MR) $2.99
I do not believe this exists until I hold it in my paws. I refuse to have my hopes dashed against the rocks again.
APR062840 SKYSCRAPERS OF THE MIDWEST #3 (MR) $5.00
AdHouse makes some lovely books, and Joshua Cotter’s endearing-yet-creepy modern rural fiction is one of my favorites. It’s always worth the wait.
APR062943 SONIC SUPER SPECIAL #6 (O/A) $2.25
APR062944 SONIC SUPER SPECIAL #7 (O/A) $2.25
APR062945 SONIC SUPER SPECIAL #8 (O/A) $2.25
MAR062969 SONIC X #9 $2.25
There’s this creep that comes into the comics shop I frequent. He’s probably 19 or 20. He comes in, stands at the register and says “Sonic comics” the same way that Peter Stormare says “Pancakes house” in Fargo. If you do not have the new Sonic comic, he walks out after making a dismissive sound indicating that you, as a human being, have failed by not having the comics that were not actually coming out this week.
To this dude, I say this: screw you for being a rude fucker. Stay home and fuck the Fleshlight you stuffed into the Sonic 10th Anniversary Puppet.
My opinions do not reflect those of the local shop’s staff They have the patience of a saint, as their continued association with me has proven.
JAN062890 WARREN ELLIS BLACK GAS #3 $3.99
Ellis, Zombies, shotguns, etc, etc.
That’s it for me. What’re you getting? Any of you that say Sonic will find themselves banned from further commenting.
I am dead fucking serious with that, by the way.
And yes, I�m including Tails in that ban. And Dr. Robotnik.
